The Life of a Clown Prince Of Crime
by Infernokota
Summary: Lex Luthor had a theory that there are an infinite amount of universes, some just like our own with only one or two key events changed. The odds that in all of those universes the Joker didn't have a single heir is laughable at best.
1. Prologue

**"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."**

**-Ron White**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

Prologue

"Session #3, Patient #21401"

"Hey doc, how's the kids?! Wife still gone?"

"B-Back on track."

"There was a track? Anyway, so what will it be today? Ink blots, word association or, dare I say it, my childhood?"

"Exactly."

"Er… What now?"

"I'm asking of you to tell me the events of your life from your kidnapping-"

"Adoption."

"From your _kidnapping_, to the end."

"The very end?"

"The very end."

"…How long ya got doc?"

**A/N: So plans to re-write the first second and third chapters are still floating around, not quite yet. So read on, read on, read on, READ ON, READ ON, READ ON!**

**If you read that to Aerosmith's 'Dream On', I love you with all of my passion.**

**R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	2. The Beginning of Something

**"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."**

**-Steve Martin**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_You know, the beginning would be a good place to begin..._

* * *

><p>The Jester wasn't what you would expect him to be. He wasn't a huge brute that was the right hand man; he wasn't the splitting image of the Joker, or Harley Quinn. No, he was a child abducted by two psychopaths that would live his life as one of the largest menaces this universe (and many others) would know.<p>

* * *

><p>Our dark and twisted journey begins the way many do.<p>

In the First National Bank of Gotham.

Our young antagonist was three. Raised by a struggling comic and a literal desk jockey for the GCPD, times were tough for them and their young daughter; a mere six years older than the young Jester.

'Let's just take them,' Jester's father had said. 'We'll only be gone for an hour or two. Not like we can afford a babysitter.'

It wasn't as if his wife could argue with the logic. It wasn't as if anything could go wrong. It wasn't as if dealing with an adorable little annoyance for two hours wasn't better than paying some teenage airhead ten dollars an hour. It wasn't as if the choice was a mistake.

Oh how wrong they were.

The gun shots rang out menacingly over the heads of the customers.

"Ladies and gentlemen," The voice full of malice and glee called out. "I am more than honored to be your delighted host, and closing act, in this extravagant play of ours!"

The shrill laugh that followed was more than enough of a punctuation to get the customers scurrying about in fear of the purple-suited man.

"Hey, shaddup!" The woman in red and black screamed out, shooting her gun to the ceiling. "Mistah J was still talkin'!"

The Joker smiled at her in much the same way one would smile at an infant who first uttered the word 'Dada!', "Oh, thank you oh-so much, Harls. Where would I be without you?"

The woman beamed at the man's praise. They both turned their attention back to the counter where the goons were looting the counters and breaking into the vault. Something was irking the Clown Prince of Crime. Ah, yes. That would be it.

Not enough laughter.

"Oh, boys?" One of the younger, actually the youngest, goons with short, choppily cut dyed green hair, a red bandana and red salvaged body armor stepped forwards.

"Would you be oh-so kind to… lighten the mood in here? Their lack of laughter breaks this comedian's heart-" The Joker made a disgusted face. "It's like I'm Carlos Mencia!"

Ignoring his employer's jab at a pop culture icon he didn't care to know, he turned to the other men lingering in the back and muttered something to them. They gave various signals of consent and stepped forwards, odd green canister loaded.

They, with the exception of the Joker and Quinn, strapped gas masks to their faces and threw the dangerous bombs throughout the building, much to the (screaming) protests of the other occupants. It didn't take long for that screaming to fade into insane laughter.

* * *

><p>Harley was having a wonderful day now. Some would raise an eyebrow at the ability of her 'Puddin' to lighten her day with one short sentence. Others would look away, disgusted. And then there were the few who would sigh jealously. Skipping through the fallen, giggling victims, she was distracted by the muffled crying coming from one of the unfortunate families. Kicking aside some no-named woman's body, she gave a small gasp at the fallen child whose mouth was covered by the woman's hand.<br>To see such undying love… it truly broke her heart and she couldn't stop herself from picking the small child up, covering his (she deducted it was a boy) mouth and rushing back to the psychopath that she loved with all of her heart. "Mistah J! Mistah J!" He looked at her disinterestedly- and then he noticed the breathing child and his eyes widened. "Mistah J, can I keep him?! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease-"

He held up a hand and looked at the blonde crying child with a cocked head. And then his quite scientific mind began cycling through the possibilities. He smiled at the pair. "Oh, you little minx, I couldn't stay mad at you!"

She squealed, threw a hug around him, much to his distaste, and ran to the young, armored man. "Take him to the base!" His eyes widened in shock. Harley gave him a dark glare that absolutely frightened him. "And _nothing _will happen to him. _Got it?_"

He nodded quickly and booked it towards one of the trucks.

**-Back At a Base-**

Harley hummed to herself as she thanked the material gods for creating baby food creators. Putting some into a small cup, she continued to hum as she jollily moved towards the giddy baby. She kneeled down towards him, putting a spoon full of the green gunk towards him. The toddler gave her a playful smile, firmly keeping his mouth shut.

Harley pouted and looked to the ceiling in thought for a moment. Her eyes lit up and she began moving the spoon around, "Here comes the Batmobile! Vroom! Vroom!"

The baby laughed and she took the chance to shove the spoon into his mouth. Almost instantaneously, he began coughing up the foul goop. Fortunately for Harley, he had already swallowed enough of it. Picking up the child, she patted his back, as she had seen so many times on TV, wondering how she could do this every day for however long it took.

She sighed and carried him to the large room with a quite old crib pushed up against a wall. She began singing, "Hush little baby don't say a word, mama's going to kill for you the whole damn world, and if they don't laugh at our jokes, mama's going to stab out their goddamn throats, and if they start to run away, mama's going to paint the streets with blood. And once the blood starts to wash off, mama's going to blow some more heads off, and if the world still doesn't laugh, mama's going to go poison them, and once the poison does its job, mama's going to show you your legacy, and if the world still tries to fight, mama's going to burn their houses down, and if you grow up with his smile, mama's going so proud of you…" He was asleep before he hit the bed.

She smiled and quietly left the room. Turning around, she gave a quiet gasp at the Joker standing there. He wiped away what might've well been a real tear, "That… was beautiful."

She smiled bashfully, "Thank ya, Mistah J."

**-Nine Years Later-**

Batman.

Batman.

_Batman._

Joker furiously smashed his fists into the table, seething. As much as he loved the giant jackass, he just didn't get it! No matter what, no matter how hard he tried, the Dork Knight just wouldn't look at life the way he did! No one did! Not even Harley. Oh, sure, she saw something else, something unique, but she would never see his view; only her own.

He needed someone to see his view, but no one would. It was too late for everyone-

He stopped his rampage instantly.

Not everyone.

* * *

><p>Jester sat back in his bed, fiddling with the stolen iPhone that Harley had snagged him. It was outdated, sure, but he honestly could care less. He jumped loudly at the sudden sound of his door being slammed open.<p>

He stared in shock at the pale man staring at him with an odd mix of hatred, humor and hope. The last of which was an odd emotion, from what his mother had told him about her 'Puddin'.

The pale man extended a long finger and beckoned the pre-teen to him. Shakily standing up, he followed the tall man dressed oddly in purple down the halls. "So, kid, how old are ya?" He asked suddenly.

"I'm... twelve."

The man scratched his chin as they walked. "Hm... Have you ever hit somebody?"

The boy looked at the man's back guardedly, "No... I've only been here my whole life."

The tall man 'ah'ed' at that and the rest of the walk was silent. After a moment, they entered what he assumed was the man's personal workspace: gadgets and volatile-looking chemicals littering every inch of the room's tables, and even some on the floor.

The man suddenly stopped, before turning on his heel. He looked down at the much shorter child, analytical eyes taking in every inch of the younger man. His eyes, the younger man noticed, he was especially fixated on.

His eyes, the Joker decided, the kid's eyes were perfect; they were unguarded, protected by a life learning conventional morals. True, he would more than likely not be able to outright kill a man, not straight away, anyway, but still; he was a clean slate, a blank canvas where he, the perfect artist, would create his masterpiece only rivaled by the Mona Lisa of his world: the child's adoptive mother.

Yes, he would do well. The Joker began laughing uncontrollably. "Alright, kid, come sit with your papa." Which would've made much more sense if there was a chair nearby. As it was, the two continued standing. "Now, this may seem odd to you at first, but it will get better the more you were used to it. I'm your Dad! We should talkin', playin' sports and brutally killing things!"

The boy, while this tall man was dying of laughter felt the urgent vibration of the iPhone in his back pocket, and yet, he didn't dare check it. But it would not stop.

Suddenly the man was distracted by something behind him and left the child to his own devices for the time being, muttering about how the brat couldn't start a conversation worth crap. Seeing his opportunity, the young Jester whipped the phone out and checked the urgent message: the psycho mass-murderer, nicknamed the Joker, had escaped from Arkham yet again, which was followed by a reportedly unsuccessful attempt by the Caped Crusader to recapture the criminal. Citizens are advised to return to their homes for the time being until further notice. Underneath the headline, a picture was showed… showing a tall… pale man… with… green hair… and a purple… suit.

The boy shakily put the phone away and began backing away from the Joker who took that perfect opportunity to turn around and see the child's fear-stricken gaze and the shaky hand aimed at him, "You… you…"

The Joker furrowed his eyebrows, "I'm what?! Handsome, smart, strong- spit it out!"

The kid's eyes slightly glazed over, and he continued stuttering incomprehensibly. Joker rolled his eyes and reached a hand out, slapping the kid roughly across the face. While it did succeed in dispelling the oncoming shock, it also elicited an odd reaction.

As soon as his head jolted to the side, an insane giggle escaped his mouth, quickly growing into a full blown laugh, his eyes widened manically. And it was utterly frightening to him.

It was a moment before the Joker joined in the boy's forced laughter before he reached behind him and grabbed whatever had grabbed his attention before.

Before the child could react, the Clown Prince of Crime fired a blast of green smoke from the canister, right into the boy's face. Stumbling back, he grabbed at his throat, coughing uncontrollably.

_I'm dead,_ he thought. _He just killed me._

And he truly thought he was. And after a few minutes, he opened his tightly clenched eyes. And realized that he wasn't dead. He hadn't been killed. He looked up to see the almost praising look on the Joker's face. "Well, bucko." He began, and let out a whistle. "I don't know _who_ you are, but you are the first other than moi to be naturally immune to my toxin." He lifted his eyebrows appraisingly.

The boy sat there for a moment in silent surprise. The Joker sighed, "Go back to your room, Munchkin."

The kid shallowly nodded and blindly walked to his current room. It didn't take a genius to see the blue eyed woman in the picture next to the Joker.

And so, the longest three years in the trio's lives would begin. The young Jester wouldn't speak for those years. Now, he would spend time with his adopted parents, listening to the Joker prattle on about his favorite things he's killed or watching Harley do something completely irrelevant.

His three years would be trying for his pure shock towards the couple prevented him from speaking to them.

Harley's three years would be trying for, what could a child use to hurt the person who loved them the most other than pure dismissal?

The Joker's three years would be trying for who would treat the Ace of Knaves with silence?!

I'll let you guess whose three years would be the most infuriating.

* * *

><p>The Joker's eye twitched. This was it. This was the final straw. He had ignored one of <em>his jokes!<em> He would teach the not-so-little-actually-quite-tall teenage brat why you didn't mess with the Mogul of Montebanks.

* * *

><p>The nearly-dubbed Jester didn't know why he was being called to the Joker's private work-space, nor did he ask. He knew that his father was getting increasingly infuriated by his silence.<p>

And when he did find why he had been called down, he nearly puked. Situated in a chair, a very important looking man sat, gagged and tied up. On either side of him, the Jester's parents stood nonchalantly like having a tied up man was an every day activity. On a long table in front of him, a powerful looking revolver was situated, a single bullet next to it.

"So, kiddo!" Joker exclaimed, causing the man next to him jump, "Your mother and I sat down and thought to ourselves 'What can we do to help our little buddy-boy?' and my eyebrows shot up so fast, the _Rock_ blushed!" He let out a laugh at that. "I said 'Harls! Let's help him with his first kill!"

The implication was obvious to the teen. He nervously edged towards the table at the expectant looks of his parents. Reaching it, he grabbed the gun with shaking hands. Grabbing the bullet, he jitterly loaded it into the chamber like Harley had taught him to do long ago.

"GET ON WITH IT!" The Joker shouted, causing both the man and the teen to jump. The Joker let out a laugh while Harley gave him a disapproving look.

The Jester lifted the gun shakily to the man's head, looking him in the eye all the while.

_Do it!_ A voice in his head hissed out.

_No!_ He thought back at it.

_If you don't, they'll do so much worse._ Another one added in.

_Yes! Now end him!_ The first one continued.

He honestly couldn't argue with the logic. Putting the man down would be the humane thing to do. Kind of like Old Gotham Yeller.

His hand slowly calming, he tightened his eyes tightly and right before he pulled the trigger, he swore he heard the man mutter 'psychopath'.

Then the barrel spat out that harbinger of doom with an impossibly loud 'bang!' And the man was dead. The cracking sound of his sanity in his head seemed horribly audible.

The teenager dropped the gun with a horrified gasp, hand going up to his mouth. He stared at the three across from him for a moment before bolting out of the room.

He ran through the impossibly long warehouse, carelessly pushing goons out of the way, the word 'Psychopath' running through his head like an evil mantra. He made a sole promise from then on out that he would do whatever he could to avoid that word. No matter what. And, ironically enough, as he bashed through one exceptionally thick (literally and figuratively) goon that unfortunately muttered that one word. "Jeez… wha' a little psycho…"

The terrorized teen stopped dead in his tracks and looked over his shoulder at the man. "What did you say?" He asked the goon in a soft whisper, a warm hiss vaguely hidden beneath it.

The man looked to his sides, making sure that his friends were there for his support before looking back at the teen's back. "Yeah, ya heard me. Youse a psycho-" Whether his dim brain would be able to formulate the full word or not would be lost to time as the Jester turned on his heel, sprinting at the man at full speed with a scream of hate. Slamming into the man, they were both knocked over as the Jester grabbed onto the man's head, smashing it into the ground over and over and over. The thug's friends quickly grabbed onto the teen's shoulders, hauling him off of their comrade. The large man pulled himself off of the bed, holding his bleeding head in one of his hands. He glowered at the teen who glared right back. He raised a fist to hit him, but stopped as he noticed one of his friend's horrified expression.

He turned to see their non-too happy boss standing in the doorway down the hall, giving the group a look that would go down for the Jester as the single most menacing look in his lifetime. "My room," He snarled with spittle exiting his furious red-painted lips. "_Now._"

The men dropped the livid teenager, sending each other frightened looks as they followed their boss back through the building.

The Jester would never learn what happened to the group. Although the gunshots ringing out through the base gave him a good idea. He walked sullenly through the warehouse, back to his room where he would spend the rest of the worst day of his life in near-crazed silence.

**-Later That Night-**

The teen came to hours later. His opened eyes instantly closed at the sudden light close to his face. He decided that that light created the single worst feeling ever. That is, until the pain in his face set in. He raised his hands to his hurting cheeks. He winced at them, gasping soundlessly at the pain. They came away red with blood. He stood up and looked into the mirror, taking a moment to realize he was in a dirty bathroom. His appearance horrified every ounce of his being. Shaggy blonde hair replaced by choppily cut half-green-half-purple hair, Caucasian skin marred by the curiously stitched Glasgow smile adorning his cheeks and the blood covering his jaw.

He took a shuddering moment to take in his appearance before he let loose a scream that woke whatever beings were still in the base. He then promptly blacked out.

* * *

><p>He was awoken the next morning by the smiling painted face of his mother, dressed in red and black spandex, "Putonyouroutfit, we'regoingoonourfirstfamilyheist!" She then proceeded to high-tail it out of the room, leaving the teen to piece together what she said.<p>

He looked at the pile of clothes and make-up left on him by Harley. He got up and set them out on his bed, admiring the work and detail set into them. It was a green cloth outfit with purple body armor on his shoulders, an apron adorning one side. He had a green and purple jester's cap with armor across his mouth, which would muffle him, he decided. And to finish it all off, he had purple jester's boots.

He threw it on and looked into mirror. He grimaced at his forever smiling visage and made a split second decision. He covered his face in white make-up, black messy raccoon eyes and a messy red smile which he winced at.

He truly did look like a Joker.

He stepped out into the base's entrance, multiple trucks and a handful of men littering the area. Noticing his arrival, the Joker wolf-whistled his way while Harley cheered and clapped excessively cheerfully. As the teen reached him, the Joker put an overly fatherly hand on his shoulder, "Alright, spanky, my birthday present for you." He gestured to the line of men standing at attention a short walk away. Leading to the line, he threw his arm outwards. "Pick any one you want. But be careful, and choose wisely. There's going to be some very special guests arriving, and I'd hate to disappoint them." He threw in a wink like he had just mentioned an extremely inside joke.

The teenager looked at them for a moment before turning back to his insane father, "Don't I get to know _anything_ about them?"

The Joker smiled wider at that and shook his head happily.

The very-soon-to-be-named Jester sighed and rolled his eyes before turning to one, a fit man with a shotgun. "What's your name?" He asked.

The man gave him an almost forlorn look before spitting a gruff, "Charade."

The teen shrugged and punched the man in the shoulder, "I'll take 'em."

The Joker returned the shrug. "Whatev's."

It appeared that the Joker was attempting to be 'hip' with a son who wasn't even hip. The three climbed into a Joker themed car and sped off to their destination, a bank that the teen managed to discern as the 'First National Bank of Gotham.'

* * *

><p>The bank robbery went as one would expect; the men gathering the money while the Joker flaunted and monologued happily. The teenager was holding a SMG that Charade had given him and called the 'Vector' at a downed civilian. He was almost enjoying the family outing.<p>

The Joker walked over to his adopted son, an eyebrow raised at the civilian.

"Do you know who this is?" He asked the hostage.

The man whimpered an answer.

The pale man tsk'ed. "Wrong answer. JJ, kill him."

The teenager blinked. "What?"

The Joker made a confused face. "It was a self-explanatory order; kill. Him."

His son paled slightly as he aimed the gun at the downed man's face. He whimpered.

They stayed like that for a minute before the Joker grew impatient. "Kill him!"

The teen's hand trembled as he tried to pull the trigger. "I.. I can't."

The Joker snarled. "Do it."

His son shook his head. "I can't."

The Clown Prince was furious now. "Do it!" He yelled, spittle flying from his mouth.

Harley looked like she was trying very hard not to step in.

The teen closed his eyes tightly, but made no attempt to take the man's life.

The older man scowled and raised a hand as if to hit the teenager.

Then the glass roof shattered, two shapes crashing to the floor..

The Joker let out a giddy laugh, "THE GUESTS OF HONOR HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED!"

**A/N: So, this is my rewrite for the first chapter, in a third person format, to give it more of an introductionary feel, plans to rewrite the second and third chapters are close to the forefront. Although I probably should have been working on the next chapter instead of this. But I digress. **

**Edit; 12/23/14: I've now redone this one twice! Like, damn son! I need to just accept this one. And I still should be working on the next chapter.**

**This chapter has also been mixed with the former second one. Soooooo... yeah.**

**Also the character's in this story are Arkhamverse, while this isn't strictly the Arkhamverse, they need to be for later.**

_**Voice Actors (OCs): **_

**The teenager: Spoonerism (The Camping Tree)**

**Charade: Samuel L. Jackson**

**Why this is at all relevant, I have no idea.**

**Carry on.**

**LOL (Lots Of Love, obviously), R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	3. Incarceration

**"Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."**

**-Benjamin Franklin**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except for Wolf.**

_You know, he said one bad day. It's actually a lot of days, leading up to a day. One day can change that however… or one person._

* * *

><p>I blinked in shock, my hands slowly steadying back to normal.<p>

My father hummed to himself happily, the last few minutes seemingly forgotten. Then he looked at me and winked, letting me know that he most certainly had _not_ forgotten about it.

The lights went out.

I tightly gripped my gun and looked around, eyes straining against the deep darkness. Suddenly, one of the goons began wildly firing, causing the rest of us to drop to the ground. He stopped as quickly as he started with a sickening crunch.

"Batsy!" The Joker yelled out into the darkness. "How thoughtful of you to come to JJ's first birthday. I hope you brought the wine."

There was no answer and I could feel anxiety creeping into my bones. My mother had told me how much the big Bat liked his fear tactics.

The breath was forced out of my lungs as something crashed into my side, sending me to the ground. I gasped and scrambled, trying to crawl away. The unseen attacker rested his body weight on top of me, trying to gather my arms next to me.

As quickly as he was there, he was off. A large calloused hand grabbed mine and hefted me up. Something metallic was placed into my hands. I groped at it for a minute, decided it was some sort of goggles, and put it on. The person who helped me before flicked something on the side and suddenly everything was visible in a green light.

Night vision. Neat.

Charade patted my shoulder before turning back to the unseen force. A boy, around the same age as me stared at us with slightly narrowed eyes. He was wearing a most ridiculous get-up, completed with short green shorts and green slipper-esque shoes.

If I wasn't so damn terrified, I may have laughed.

Charade put a hand on my chest and pushed me back slightly, just enough to where I was behind him. I blinked as he put his hands up in a professional fighting stance while the kid did the same.

Was this grown man actually going to fist fight with a teenager? This was going to be quick.

I was very wrong.

While Charade was skilled, the kid was just so much faster than him, blocking and pushing shots off like it was second nature. After a few moments of some nice, nearly choreographed back and forth, the boy slipped under one of Charade's punches and leapt onto his back, holding the older man tightly in a headlock.

I shook whatever anxiety I had off and sprinted at the combatants. I yanked the boy off of Charade and barreled forwards, expecting to slam the mysterious teen into a wall. Instead, we slammed into some glass and fell onto the sidewalk outside.

"Robin!" A gruff voice yelled from inside.

I lifted my gun from my waist and aimed it at him. He stared at me with pure concentration, waiting for me to pull the trigger. Then something smashed into the back of my neck, my eyes rolled to the back of my head and I fell forwards unconscious.

I woke up sometime later, being jostled out of sleep by two voices bickering back and forth. I forced open one eye and took in my surroundings. I was in a stone cell, lying on an uncomfortable bed. A grizzled, middle aged man wearing a police badge was talking with the Batman.

The Dark Knight stood there in all of his black armored glory, stony face not betraying any emotions he was, or probably wasn't, feeling.

"I'm sorry, I can't do anything for him." The older man was speaking.

Batman stared at him still stonily. "Gordon, what crime has he committed?"

Gordon shook his head. "He's an accomplice to grand larceny. Besides that, one of the survivors wants to press charges on him for attempted murder."

"For God's sake, Jim, I was there; he couldn't and wouldn't have pulled that trigger." The Batman was getting desperate, pity and guilt slipping into his voice.

Jim took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry, Batman… I don't want to do this to him, hell, every fiber of my being's telling me this is wrong, but I can't do anything; you know this. The Dent Act's ruined this kid's chance."

Batman closed his eyes. "He can't go in there, Jim."

Gordon nodded to himself. "I know… I'll try and see what I can do. Worst case scenario, I can make sure he's safe." He turned around and leaned on a table. "I don't get how _she_ could do this to a little kid." He waited for a moment before looking over his shoulder, a look of knowing on his face.

Batman had already left through a window.

I leaned back on my pillow and stared emptily at the ceiling. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were talking about.

* * *

><p>Blackgate Penitentiary. That was the name plastered on the side of the bus. I was handcuffed and walked into the large vehicle, along with multiple other men- all much older and taller than I was.<p>

I was led to the back and given a row to myself, other convicts stopped from sitting down next to me.

_Worst case scenario, I can make sure he's safe._

The cop was at least true to his word.

Stepping off of the bus was one of the hardest things I've ever done. A guard eventually pushed me forwards. I was chained to the other prisoners, marched in orange jumpsuits towards the stone building. It was country out here, right around the Gotham Outskirts.

As I was escorted to my cell, I kept my eyes trained on the ground. The already imprisoned inmates were yelling at me, words I'd rather not repeat and I had to admit- I was terrified. After all the mental conditioning my father had put me through, I was still unable to handle the pressure. He would be livid if he found out.

The prisoners were corralled back into their cells and the heavy doors shut.

I lay in that bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. I didn't get a friggin' wink of sleep that night, which, in that kind of place, you should always try to get.

A schedule, something which I despised with all of my being, was devised for the remainder of my sentence- something I had no idea about. I would wake up, have food brought to my cell and then stay there all day. I got showers every few days.

It was boring.

My initial shock and fear wore off pretty quickly and I felt more strongly about leaving from pure boredom than anything else.

One day, though, I sat there waiting for the guards to come with my lunch. I waited there for God knows how long before the door opened and a voice saying something about going to the cafeteria.

I blinked and sat there as prisoners filed past my door, heading in the same direction. A guard appeared in the doorway. "That means you, 7814!"

I bolted to my feet and followed him out of the cell.

A prisoner stared at me as he past. He was covered head to toe in Nazi tattoos, head shaved clean.

Okay, despite my past claim, this place was still pretty terrifying.

I followed the mob to a sort of cafeteria place, tables scattered throughout a completely white room. I got in line and shuffled forwards, waiting to be served what looked like complete slop.

There was movement behind me and I stiffened.

"Hey there, pretty boy," a voice hissed in my ear. I blinked. "Cell Block Delta, right? See you there tonight."

I straightened up and scowled as I walked forwards silently. He oughtta get a breath mint first.

I grabbed my tray and walked towards the middle of the room, looking for an empty table. Then my heart leapt with joy.

Sitting in a group of other men, his head snapped towards me, green dreadlocks moving with every movement. He blinked and smiled, face finally not covered by his bandanna.

I moved towards him as he waved me over. Then a guard hit him with a baton.

I blinked in shock. I looked towards his buddies who looked around impassively as the guard continued beating on him.

_No one's good in this world._

Dad?

_Everything out there is terrible and evil; our job is to make them not._

I scowled and felt… something in my head. It was like something was missing, everything not quite there.

_Hate, boyo, is the epitome of life. Nobody likes you, no one wants to know you… nobody understands you._

My father was crazy, right?

Charade stopped moving as he kept getting hit, obviously knocked out. The guard didn't stop, a slight smile on his face.

I snarled and started moving forwards, tray dropped to the floor with a clatter.

_Hate might rule life… but a smile always brightens someone's day. And if someone doesn't __**want**__ to smile…_

I began running and stepped onto a bench then its table and leapt up, a snapped in half fork in my hand.

_**Make** **them smile**. And if they stop moving while you're doing it, you still win._

The improvised weapon embedded itself into the guard's throat.

I ripped it up as he gargled and slammed it back down, over and over.

I could _feel_ my father standing behind me.

_One bad day…_

I sat on top of him, straddling him as he lay long dead. There was commotion in the room, prisoners making sounds of surprise and guards moving towards me.

I huffed and my head was knocked forwards as something, not a guard, but _something_ tapped the back of my head.

I eyes widened and there was a sudden clarity of thought right before the guards reached me.

I had found the emergency exit.

L

Instigation of a prison escape.

That was the official excuse for the guard who had beaten Charade. My bodyguard was still alive, if not badly beaten.

I sat in the prison van, head hung and shivering terribly.

I didn't know where they were taking me, and I didn't care. All I could think about was that guard. He deserved it, right? Then why couldn't I stop thinking of his wife or kids. That dog that would always wait for him to come home. That retirement within his grasp.

He couldn't have deserved it that badly, could he? Did _they_ deserve that? I knew the answer was no.

And yet, and horrifyingly enough, there was a voice, way in the back of my head that was saying _'Yes. He did deserve it. And so does everyone else like him.'_

I shook my head, cold water shaking from it. They had hosed me down with icy water, my jumpsuit and person completely soaked and chilled to the bone.

I needed something to occupy my mind.

The doors to the van opened and two armed guards grabbed my arm and pulled me out.

We were win a well-kept courtyard, iron wrought gates surrounding it. Looking through them, there was much more land and buildings there, all with different titles. I took a look at the building in front of us. "Intensive Care…" I muttered. The guards acted like they didn't hear me.

One was glaring at me particularly hard. 'Alberto' was plastered on one side of his chest.

I shook my head again, trying to ignore him. The sound of waves crashing against a shore was a curious sound.

They led me inside of the building and I stared agape at the completely white room. White was a strong word; the walls were slightly yellowing and cracked, the lights slightly dimmer than they looked like they were supposed to.

I was at Arkham Asylum.

I felt a little dizzy and shook my head.

I bowed my head as the guards registered me.

Patient #214200.

Not even human.

They, quite roughly, threw me into a cell. It was B level security; your murderers and rapists a few fries short of a happy meal.

I sat on the bed, nearly identical to the one at the prison.

I sent a look around. The walls here were glass on all three sides and it was set up like a hallway with a large tower in the middle. There were three people of interest to me, at least.

To my left was a boy, around my age. Tall-ish, blonde and fair skinned. There was this weird feeling in my stomach; I looked almost exactly like him before… that night. To my right was a blonde girl with long blonde hair. Her eyes were opened and she was staring at the ceiling, unmoving but breathing. Slightly disconcerting.

The cell past her was nearly too dark for me to see into. I could make out red eyes staring at me curiously though. Also disconcerting.

I bit my lip and sent one more look around. This is where they were. All of them. It wasn't a comforting thought.

Laying down in my bed, I pulled the thin sheet over my head and tried to snuggle in. I was certain I wouldn't get a lot of sleep.

* * *

><p>My eyes eased open, weary and dark from the night before.<p>

I looked around and jumped with a yelp as the blonde girl was staring at me from the glass wall.

"What the Hell, Scars?"

I huffed and recomposed myself and looked to the other side of the cell. The blonde boy was staring at me curiously, right next to several holes in the glass used to talk. He must've said it.

I shook my head and leaned back into my bed, hands rubbing my face. This was not happening.

"Scars?"

I didn't open my eyes. "Don't call me that."

"Okay, Rollins."

I shook my head again and leaned against the wall.

The guy had an amiable smile plastered on his face, happy he got a rise out of me.

"Jeff." He offered, flicking the wall.

I sighed. He had no plans of shutting up. "JJ."

He narrowed his eyes in concentration. "JJ… JJ! Jester, from the robbery, right?"

My eyes opened quickly. "What?"

He nodded. "'The Jester'. That's what the media's calling you. Not very orginal, is it?"

The Jester. The Joker, Harley Quinn, and the Jester.

I shook my head again. This was all too much.

"That's Sarah," Jeff continued pointing to the blonde girl next to me. "And way down there's Lily."

I made a face. I hadn't really asked, nor did I care.

The next few days went by quickly, with some mild company for myself. Terrible company, but company nonetheless. Using some basic conversation skills, I managed to pry the information that Jeff had had a mental breakdown at his high school and killed a couple of people before being taken in by authorities. Sarah killed her douche abusive parents with a steak knife and turned herself into authorities, not saying a thing. Rumor was that she cut her tongue out.

And the last one, Lily. A demon, or something along those lines, she was a shapeshifter who was brought into a hospital by her parents when she started showing her powers off.

She promptly killed the entire hospital through unknown means.

Yeah.

She kept to herself, sending the odd glance our way. Jeff, the idiot that I was housed with would comment that she was hitting on him. Not actually sure why I thought that was important enough to mention…

* * *

><p>Dr. Jonathan Crane, AKA the Scarecrow. More pure evil than psychotic. Obsession with fear. Likes scythes, and knows his own martial art that involves scythes. Creepy mask that makes you piss your pants.<p>

He was standing in front of my cell door.

Sarah and Jeff were staring at him in pure fear while I blinked as he stared at me for a moment. He had his mask on and was in 'Scarecrow Mode' as my mother called it.

"Jester."

I blinked. "Yes?"

He slipped a key card into my door and it opened. There was a sudden moment where I thought I was about to die.

"If you want to live, take my hand." He hissed out.

Not really.

"Get up, brat." He actually said, no mirth or happiness in his voice at all.

I pushed myself to my feet, fully aware of what this toothpick of a man could do.

He went up and down the cell block, unlocking each door and freeing the prisoners.

He stood in the hallway next to me as they ran off.

"Run, bait, run." He hissed out warmly, almost a coo.

He tilted his head at me and we left towards the entrance. In the ingenious of a madman, he distracted the guards with the other prisoners. Clever.

"Stop where you are!"

He looked over his shoulder at the man rudely interrupting our escape. In one incredibly swift motion, he shot a stream of yellow gas at the guard out of a wrist bracer. Almost immediately, the man began scrabbling at his eyes, screaming.

My mouth was opened as we walked off, the screams of the man killing himself in the background.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked quietly.

He barely spared me a glance. "Don't talk."

Hotwiring a van, we drove off of the island, crossing the impossibly long bridge back to the mainland.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

He looked at me for a moment before plunging a needle into my neck swifter than I could follow.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I feel like him going insane was a little too premature, I just didn't have a really cool way to do it, hell, it took me eight freaking tries to get this, anyway what do ya'll think.**

**I know that the Dent act probably did nothing of the sort, but... c'mon... plot convenience and all that right? Ah, whatever, I have my artistic liberties.**

**Criticism is wanted, but no flaming please. Flaming is not cool, flamers are like liars... give me a high five, whoever remembered that!**

**Review! It gives me manly happiness and more inspiration to write!**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	4. Life Sucks

**"All generalizations are false, including this one."**

**-Mark Twain**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_I'm afraid of clowns... as I ironically found out..._

I woke up a while later, pretty sure that whatever sanity I had left was demolished. And I swear to God, if someone caused me to knock out again, something was getting shanked. Still recoiling from the absolute _horrendous_ visions I had merely a little while ago (and no I won't tell you), I stumbled to the main room where Scarecrow was reading some horror novel or another, I called out to him, "WHAT THE HELL CRANE!?"

I laughed as he jumped from the sudden disturbance, looking at me with an immense amount of shock. He looked absolutely befuddled, "How did you survive? That was enough to kill a healthy man _twice_ your age."

I thought about it for a moment, "Weeell, I have a natural immunity to my father's toxin, maybe that has something to do with it?"

He considered it for a moment before shrugging.

I walked up to him and asked "Hey, uh, Crane? I wanted to know if I could request something from you?"

He narrowed his eyes imperceptibly before sighing and asking "And what would that be, Child?"

I blinked, not because of the nickname, but because of how readily he decided to agree to the answer. Did my father really have that much power? Insane dads rule.

"Well, uh,-"

"Don't stutter, it's unbecoming."

"Oh, well, I wish for you to mentor me, in everything from history to psychology, I don't have a _real_ education, and I'll need it for a scheme I'm cooking up, also, in return for teaching me, I… will allow you to…_ experiment _on me to see what helped me survive."

His eyes narrowed a significant amount more before he seemed to consider my proposal, "I will accept your offer, Child. Be at my office at 7 tomorrow. And don't be late."

Wow… that… was a lot easier than I thought that would be. He was oddly compliant. Perhaps he really wanted to see what kept me alive. I pulled out my iPhone and set an alarm for 6:32 to allow me time to get ready. And screw conventions.

I arrived at his office at 6:58, I had thought about arriving a minute late, but then decided on my better judgment to arrive on time. He did know my worst fears after all (still not telling you). I arrived in a rolled up black long sleeve Metallica t-shirt/ hoodie with a jean jacket with the sleeves torn off, jeans, and sneakers. He gave a noticeable frown at my outfit before having a resigning sigh to himself.

I sat down in a chaired desk front of his desk (looked exactly how I imagined a teacher's desk would look like)

He looked down at me before driving into his speech "We will cover a different subject every day for two weeks, you will have work to do in class and after, you will also study every day after class. After every two weeks you will have tests on Fridays on everything you learned the weeks before. Saturdays will be spent attempting to figure out your genetic mutation. Sundays will be spent recovering and finishing whatever homework you no doubt will have lazed off on during the week. Homework will be due every Monday or you will have consequences.

He paused before asking me "What is this scheme you had planned?"

I gave him a menacing smile (it was to me at least) before telling the plan to him "After I finish your studies, I will have Nygma fake my credentials for Kindergarten through eighth grade. Then I will infiltrate Gotham High using the no doubt superior knowledge you taught me to pass with flying colors. A cover obviously. My true plan is to find out who Robin really is. Now whether that passes or fails is to be seen. Then I will enroll into the local college and take classes that will help me with my next plan."

He seemed impressed that I had planned it out so well before correcting the holes in my plan "A good plan over all, but what schools are you going to fake having gone to? Won't people question your extensive knowledge into stuff that they more than likely have never even heard of? And no doubt prolonged time with your adopted parents and myself will have left your sanity questionable?"

I blinked at his destruction of my so well thought out plan. "Weeeeell, I'll have to research some schools in most likely Metropolis, say that I had a private tutor, and I've been quite civil so far, haven't I?"

He nodded sagely before going back into teacher mode "Yes, well tomorrow will be your first day with me, so prepare yourself, this will no doubt be the most mentally trying time you have or ever will experience."

And it was just that. He was a very harsh and strict teacher, drilling everything that he no doubt ever learned into my head over and over. If I fell asleep in class he would give me a diluted form of the fear toxin. If I lost attention he would give me a diluted form of the fear toxin. If I was late with homework he would give me a diluted form of the fear toxin. You get the picture.

It was utter hell. But finally after eight long weeks of the aforementioned hell, he declared me graduated. And then the overly dramatically timing vigilantes busted in and easily took us back to Arkham. I was so learning a martial arts style when I got out.

The ride was much of the same, except this time I had some intelligent conversation with Jonathan. We had grown somewhat close over the weeks, talking for hours about psychology, or building upon each other's theories. He was the closest thing I had to an uncle.

Unfortunately we weren't able to share a cell next to each other, what with having the former occupant of my old cell returned (Mad Hatter, who knew?) and I was sat in a new looking cell that even had my name on it! I was so proud.

To my left I had the vampire chick, Lily, to my right was Zsasz (I could almost here her cry of relief (also why wasn't she in the female ward? They rebuilt it) and across from me was….

"Hi Dad!"

He jumped up and began his customary laughing fit. After finishing and wiping a tear from his eye he looked up and said "The-They r-r-really put us ac-a-across from each othe-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh that's a good one. Oh looked, you even got some tail next to ya too dontcha? Hehehe."

Despite myself I smiled and resisted the urge to look at her. She found it pretty goddamn amusing.

Me and Dad shared a laugh at Zsasz's misery on being next to the two clowns.

"Hey Dad?" I questioned.

He looked up, "Hm?"

I was silent for a moment,"If you used to be the Clown Prince of Crime, and I'm your son, doesn't that make me the Clown Prince of Crime and you the Clown King of Crime?"

He gave a absolutely horrified gasp, "Great Scott, you're right! Balls, now your Mother will want a title to, damn it all!"

"It's what I do"

* * *

><p>This visit to the revolving door, sorry, '<em>asylum<em>', was much more pleasant than the first. I actually had access to the cafeteria and the rec room. On a side note, I taught myself how to play guitar!

It was one lunch, I was sitting with Crane and Lily, we had bonded over the past few weeks over trivial stuff like, why wasn't she in the female ward, Bane's rumored teddy bear Osito, and what life was like with insane super criminals.

I was eating a PB&J sandwich (one of God's beautiful gifts to the world) when a particularly nasty looking guard, Lyle I think his name was, came up to me and said "Get up freak, back your cell. You have guests."

Guests? Everyone I knew was here though, maybe the PR department, or a therapist, or God forbid, the paparazzi?

He led me to my cell where he stood outside of for a good solid ten minutes (He could at least have let me finish my sandwich) when I saw the B-Man himself, oh and Robin, with….. three extremely familiar looking people.

There was a teenage girl a little older than me who looked like a stereotypical cheerleader, a middle age man with a woman of about the same age-_**And why did they look so goddamned familiar. **_The woman took one look at me and broke out into tears and tried to rush towards me.

Upon my look of confusion she took a very heartbroken face and asked "Don't you remember us?"

"We're your family."

All the sudden I felt a surge of bloodlust telling me to just kill them. Over and over. Violently. Through the maelstrom of emotions (mainly anger, hatred, sadness, resignation, a hole load of other shit) I decided to pick one.

"Mama…. Papa…. Sis?" God I could _not _remember their names.

Upon my decidedly sincere face and tone the guards let me out and let them come over and hug me.

* * *

><p>Batman wasn't the World's Greatest Detective for nothing. He noticed the slight curling of features on the Jester's face, then the sudden look of sincerity. He was contemplating these thoughts as the family coddled him and told him about how their lives were going. It truly warmed Bruce's heart to see a family reunited.<p>

Then everything flipped.

His eyes hovered over the Jester's (Jacob Whitaker, he had discovered upon searching for his family) to see the flip of pure happiness into utter rage.

He rushed forward in time to stop the knife from plunging into the mother's heart.

* * *

><p>Jester was furious. Upon the aforementioned mix of emotions, he truly discovered something somewhat surprising.<p>

While the son of the Joker and Harley had accepted his fate, and even embraced it, Jacob, who he had buried years ago, had wanted to find his family and return to his old life, to what could have been. When his family had returned at long last he (Jacob) had taken the opportunity to break free and become the dominant personality. Until one lethally stupid statement.

Laura was shocked with his appearance. So much that one of the first things she said upon embracing him was "Listen, we can get a surgeon to fix the… mouth thing, and the color in your hair should eventually disappear."

It was at that moment she felt him tense and his arm move, only to be grabbed by the Batman.

* * *

><p>"Never! I am not your son! My parents are Joker and Harley! You three are nothing to me! These scars and those colors make me who I am! Not Jacob Whitaker! Me! The Jester! The Clown Prince of Crime! Son of the Clown King and Queen of Crime! Die!" I managed to get out (more like screamed) through my rage.<p>

"There is nothing about this whole scenario that doesn't make me so disgusted I want to violently vomit out my own internal organs. I despise you three so intensely that I can't tell if my vision is blurry from my split personality struggle or from my unforgiving rage. If allowed, once I find you, I will gut you with an honest-to-God smile on my face...and then proceed to paint the home I built with your bodies with your very own blood."

What else was I going to say…. Oh yes "And Robin! I declare you my Eternal Rival! I will follow you wherever you go to fulfill our rivalry to the extreme. Except Bludhaven. That place is nasty! It's like a city with... something nasty! Shut up! I don't have a catchy one-liner right now!" I got a chance to see Robin's extremely shocked face, and my ex-family's tear-streaked faces before I was dragged back inside.

After being thrown (what's with the throwing in this place?!) back into my cell ignoring the confused looks of the onlookers I returned to my bed with a maniacal grin. I planned to fulfill both my promises later on.

* * *

><p>It was four da-no five. Five days when I decided to initiate my escape plan. I had noticed a pattern in the guard changes when I suggested my idea to Lily. She had originally been against the idea (she thought she <em>belonged<em> at Arkham) but after a minute of convincing (see: puppy eyes) to get her to agree. At 9:15 my old besty, Alberto, would come through without actually being on patrol. The actual guard on patrol, Freddy, would come by at 9:10 and was small enough for me to wear his outfit. When Freddy passed by Lily started insulted him, he went in and attempted to sedate her. She easily knocked him out and dragged him to the corner curling him up In a ball. She started hitting him with his baton. I called out to Alberto who was passing by "you may want to help your friend." The idiot, I'm sorry, Alberto then went in and got knocked out. She turned into him and unlocked our doors.

And by our doors, I mean the entirety of Maximum Security, even the recently rebuilt Female Ward. It was an easy stride out and to the gate. I turned to Lily "You sure you got somewhere to go?" she didn't look at me and replied "Yeah, I'll be fine. See you around." She started walking away before saying "You know, you aren't as psychotic as everyone says you are."

As soon as she finished talking a harried guard shot her in the heart before being pulled down by a pack of the more insane patients. I watched on with grim satisfaction as they tore into him like animals. It was magnificient.

Rushing over to her fallen body I propped her head up against my leg.

"No, no, no Lily, you're are going to be fine, just hold on and put some pressure on it... and... and let me find something to wrap it up wi-" she cut me off,

"No, just... talk to me," she whispered, "What were we going to do when we got out?" she asked.

"We... we were going to go to my home... and talk about stuff, and... be friends, and hang out, and go on heists, and _you weren't going to die_..."

She smiled and suddenly grew colder.

"Lily... Lily? Lily, please no, no..."

I just sat there for a minute my mind not really processing the events of the last few minutes, before carrying her back to the Funhouse (Our home base).

High School could wait.

Robin could wait.

Tonight I had a friend to bury.

**A/N: Wow. I'm really harsh with him aren't I? Honestly I feel that her death was rushed, you guys never got a chance to know her as one of Jester's friends (really his only friend). I wanted to thank my viewers. Are Scarecrow and Joker too OOC? Any thoughts about my writing or ideas for arcs? Also remember, criticism is begged for, but flamers suck. This story will probably be uploaded Tues. through Fri. (Depending on circumstances)**

****Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!****

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	5. Secrets

**"I never said most of the things I said."**

**-Every famous person in the world**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_Don't remember anything about this part of my life... it's like a big ol' blank..._

It was three weeks since we had buried her. It was a small gathering: me, my parents, and Professor Crane (I had a feeling that they threatened him to come.) Two weeks since I visited the Professor who said that I was in a state of shock. A week since I visited the Riddler and had him forge some documents of me going to schools in Metropolis.

Today was my first day at the high school.

My lord, this was going to suck.

* * *

><p>I was paused in the parking lot, Charade having dropped me off. I had used latex to hide my scars and dyed my hair blonde. I supposed that this was what I would've looked like in a normal life.<p>

I was really going to regret this wasn't I? I reluctantly stepped into the doors. If I remembered clearly they were already into the second quarter. So I was a _little_ out of place.

Okay, I had no idea in hell where I was going. I looked at the schedule I was carrying in my pocket. Ok, so first was World Civilizations. Ok…. Where the hell was that?

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p>After spending the better part of the period wandering around, a teacher, or staff, or whatever they had pointed me in the right direction. I casually walked in.<p>

Huh. They were all looking at me. The teacher looked at me and asked "Yeah?" I thought back to what Mom had told me, "_Be a funny guy, funny guys are always popular._" I put my feet together, my left arm against my side and my right to my forehead in an odd salute,

"Officer Doofy reporting for duty!"

I got a few chuckles. These people will laugh at anything. I went and took the only empty seat in the front.

"So you must be….. Jacqueline?" The teacher asked. Oh. I was so going to kill Nygma.

"Wellllll, most people call me Jack, or Jacob."

"Well, open up your textbook to page two-hundred-thirty-two." She said with a sigh.

The next half hour was absolutely droll. I could have taught the subjects better than that.

After the period ended I walked into the hall and was shocked by the sheer amount of the people. One of the guys from the class, a popular kid I put together, walked up to me and put his arm on my shoulder, "Hey, is your name actually Jacqueline?"

"Er, yeah?" I answered uneasily.

He chuckled, "Funny, what class do you have next?"

"Uh, P.E.?" Oh my God I was going to dominate at that.

"Cool, me too. Just follow me- by the way, name's Dick. Dick Grayson."

* * *

><p>So, after he led me to the gym I was… Disappointed at the sight. The base had better equipment.<p>

The kid must have been pretty perceptive because he said, "Yeah, sad right? The school had some budget cuts, so the athletic program got cut off." Sounded like Arkham.

A very hardy looking man stepped through the doors and said "Alright, warm up guys you know the drill." There were some groans, but hesitantly everyone stepped through the doors and began to run on the track. The black haired boy led me out and began jogging. I knew he was holding back.

Well just because he was going 50% didn't mean I had to. I almost felt bad for him, I was soon nearing the head of the trail of people, and this wasn't even my final form-whup sorry about that. I heard running and saw Dick catching up to me. He smirked as he passed me. Oh hell no.

I put a little more effort into it and caught up to him. I hadn't even realized that we had cleared the rest of the group. I gave him a small smile before passing him. It went like that for another two laps.

The rest of the students were left in our dust.

Once we finished (he won damn it!) we sat down and watched the rest stumble in.

We were a little competitive. I looked over at him and asked "Where'd you learn to run?"

Not looking at me, but at a redhead in the group he replied, "I do a lot of running at home. You?"

"Oh, me too." He gained a very suspicious look.

"Soooo," I said eager to change the subject. "the redhead, who's that?" He now had a very guarded look, kids right?

"That's Barbara Gordon, the Commissioner's daughter."

I tried really hard not to get angry.

* * *

><p>The rest of the period and the next were really boring. That brought lunch around. I didn't have science (the period after gym) with Dick, so I had nowhere to sit.<p>

I saw a _table_, an entire freaking table to myself. I almost cried out of pure happiness and love, doves were flying out from behind my back, Robin revealed himself to me and we had an epic fight with Two Steps From Hell in the background…. Ahhhh dreams. Dreams are beautiful.

In all seriousness though I was already tired of the bickering, gossiping teenagers here. Sitting down with absolute bliss I pulled out the PB&J sandwich I was going to enjoy, when I heard someone clearing their throat behind me.

_Whoever dared to interrupt my sandwich eating will suffer a slow and painful death, but not before I make them watch me kill their family the same exact way, then I wil-_ I turned around to see a girl with long fishnet fingerless gloves, white hair with blue and purple streaks in it, a plaid skirt and long black boots.

She looked at me, my spot, back at me, back to my spot, etc.

I think she wanted me to move.

After a moment, she sighed and gave me a look, "Guy, you're sitting in my spot."

"Your spot?! Wha- I don't see your name on it. I checked- unless you put it on the bottom….."

She looked at me as if I was crazy, which was fair, before shrugging and walking to the other side (don't know why she didn't just do that in the first place) and sat down.

It was a pleasant silence (for me at least- I'm not uncomforted by anything) before she started the oddest conversation ever (and I've talked to Crane about fear), "So, what's with the latex?"

"What." It was a statement.

"The latex. On your face?" she repeated.

"Uhhhhh, leftovers from a party." I said, quite lamely.

She didn't look convinced, "Hmmm."

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what's with the hair?"

She looked defensive for a minute before relaxing, "I think it looks cool, white stands for purity and alliances."

I stared at her for a moment, "We… haven't been properly introduced yet, my names Jack, yours?"

She looked down at her lap sheepishly, "M-My names…. Athena"

"Like the Greek Goddess?" she nodded. "Pfffft, that's nothing, my real name….. Jacqueline."

She gave a light laugh. It was a very airy laugh.

"Really?!" She asked incredulously.

I waited for a moment, "…Yes"

She laughed again.

She reminded me oh-so much of her.

The rest of the day was very… Boring. All of it. And I didn't have a single class with Athena. Although I did have quite a few with Dick, and something about him just seemed… Familiar.

God I missed Crane.

After school had ended I stumbled in, Charade having picked me up (that guy was really taking his responsibilities seriously.) I walked to my room not noticing the lack of thugs… Or my parents

Days went on like that for the next eighteen weeks, it was dreadful, with the exception of Athena who was an absolute blast to be around, but I was determined to succeed in my goal of discovering who Robin was, although I started to think that he had private lessons, or something of that sort.

* * *

><p>Eventually Grayson's birthday came around and he invited some of his friends, including me, to his house for it. Also, as I found out, house was a broad term. It was more of a <em>freaking mansion<em>, I lived in a warehouse for Christ's sake! Uh, never mind. Once we arrived he left us in the main room (freaking huge) and left to see if his "dad" was home.

Something about this place seemed familiar, not the sight of it…. But the smell. I had smelled it before. That meant snooping time!

Leaving the rest of the guys (I had claimed to want to use the bathroom) I went into the… East wing I think. In it I saw a door slightly open. Pushing completely open I walked in and was confronted by a small study. I was thinking along the lines of movies….. I looked at a bust of a very business looking man and examined it…. Nothing, no button, no nothing. In a fit of anger I threw it at a portrait of a family. I didn't even notice the sound of a door.

I attempted to calm myself down.

_I could've sworn something was in here! I swear! _Steadying my breathing a gave a small laugh to myself, _I had a tantrum about not finding anything in a completely normal room, what was I expecting to find anyway the Bat-_ I had turned and saw a door in place of the painting. _Oh this is going to be good._

I walked through the door and was shocked by the cold, and the dark gloominess, and a blue glow? Walking down the impossibly long staircase I was confronted by a large collection of computers, still on.

Walking over them I sat in the comfortable revolving chair. Then I commenced the snooping. Using the basic computer knowledge I had, I unlocked it and clicked on the file folder. What I saw I almost couldn't comprehend.

It had knowledge on every Justice League member. Did you know Superman's real name was Clark Kent? Or Wonder Woman's Diana? It was a _wealth_ of knowledge.

Wait, wait, wait. If this was the Batcave, and the manor is owned by Bruce Wayne… Then Batman _was_ Bruce Wayne, and Robin was… Dick Grayson. You have got to be kidding me.

I memorized the file secrets and rushed back up the stairs, closing the door and putting the bust back where it was. Then I walked back to the front door and left.

I had an experiment to conduct.

* * *

><p>Later that night, having donned my costume, I waited on top of the bank that we tried to rob so long ago. I began firing a pistol I swiped from the warehouse into the sky. I sat down and waited<p>

It didn't take long until a red motorcycle came roaring up the street stopping in front of the bank and a figure climbing up the side.

"Hey Bobby! How ya doin'? HUH, you're wearing pants? Blasphemy!"

"What do you want Jes-" I slammed into him, whipping out a butterfly knife and getting him good on the cheek. He kicked me back and leapt to his feet. He ran at me with a yell aiming a sloppy kick at my face that I easily blocked. Did I mention that I learned Martial Arts?

Oooooh, Capoeira was so fun.

He donned a shocked look before kicking it into overdrive. He ran at me again throwing a fist at my face before faking into a kick. I jumped it and aimed a kick of my own at him which he blocked. He slid out beneath me and hit me in the back of the head with his palm. Ow. I used the momentum to roll into a barrel roll off of the building. I didn't need to fight him.

I got what I wanted.

* * *

><p>We returned to school the next day, me wearing a long sleeves and jeans (what, fighting an expert fighter on a rooftop gave you bruises), him with a band-aid right where I had cut him. So it was true.<p>

The last quarter was hell, what with EOC's and the like. But the last day was bitter sweet for me. I had walked with Athena out of the school. "Soooooo, you got somewhere to go, A?"

"Yeah I'll be fine. I'll see you later."

She stopped as she was leaving, turned to me and said, "You know, you're not as psychotic as everyone says you are." before getting lost in the throng of people.

I stopped in my tracks. Did she just… Like what… Nope, too confusing, deal with it later.

Walking away completely befuddled I found my prey walking alone. Oh, baby.

"Heeeeeey,_ Bobby._" He looked at me blank faced for a second before hitting me in what I presumed to be a pressure point knocking me out.

* * *

><p>I woke up sometime later with the oddest feeling. There was a bright flash of light before I was brought before a large group of colorful people. Oh. YES.<p>

I looked up at the stone faced man holding me by the arm.

"Hey, Brucey-Woosey, how's the kid, Robin or Dick, ah whatever they're both the same." It got deathly quiet. I looked at a man in a blue and red outfit, "Clark! How's _Lois_?" now everyone was staring at me in pure shock. I spotted a red guy, gasping, I said "Barry, come on buddy, _tell me a joke_." I hissed the last part out and finally I saw a woman in red and blue "Diana, still an Amazon I see? Trick Question! One does not simply change their race." Now I had everyone's attention. I smiled innocently,

"What, was it something I said?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This one was a bitch to do. It just refused to be written. Ya know, this was actually supposed to be an entire arc, but I just could not do it. But I digress. Two steps From Hell is awesome, remember I would love ideas for arcs, criticism is loved, but no flaming yadadada, you guys know this stuff, now the next arc (or first depending on how you look at it) isn't custom and will be hella long, and probably belongs in another category other than Batman  
><strong>

**And it might also require some knowledge of Teen Titans.**

****Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!****

**R&R, ****LOL**

**-The Lord of Only My OC's Except Wolf, Infernokota**


	6. The Ace of Spades

**"Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter and jelly."**

**-James A. Garfield**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_OOH! There was that time I was an anti-hero!_

Batman (and a medley of other heroes I didn't recognize) led me to a something akin of a dentist's chair. J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, was standing next to the aforementioned demon chair.

* * *

><p>J'onn was silent. It was odd that <em>Batman <em>of all people would give the go ahead of a mind wipe. He watched as he led the child, Jester or Jacob, to the chair. He wasn't sure what to expect from the clown, but what he said next wasn't it, "So, Jon Jon! What did I do for this honor!"

J'onn immediately understood the gravity of the situation. He was silent as he put one hand to his temples and another to the Jester's forehead. He probed him for the info that he needed; the secrets of the Justice League. After finally finding it he began the mindwipe.

Something wasn't right. Others that he had forcefully probed had put up a fight. Jester was utterly compliant. Then the kid gave a menacing smile, only enhanced by the Glasgow scars on his mouth.

As he was finishing the procedure he was forcefully pushed out.

To say that he was shocked was a major understatement.

* * *

><p>I came to sometime later with the absolute worst headache ever. I looked around not sure where I was, and gasped, surprised by the figures around me. There was the Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, and the Martian Manhunter. The second figure asked "What do you remember?" I looked down at my lap thinking. "I know that you guys are the Justice League and big heroes… then there is another… Robin… and my life's goal is to… fuck with him?" There was a small laugh somewhere. "Uhhhh… It… It goes blank after that."<p>

I looked back up at the shocked faces of the four.

"I have amnesia don't I?

They left after that to presumably hold council. Sometime later Wonder Woman came back and interrogated me. "so you don't remember anything else?" I shook my head "Nothing? Do you not remember who you are? Where you live? Your family?" I shook my head again. She sighed and went back into the room the others were in.

Slowly pushing myself of my chair, my legs threatening to give out on me, I groggily walked to the door where they were talking.

It was a maelstrom of words, presumably no one agreeing. Batman was quiet. After a good solid five minutes he spoke up "This could be his chance. His chance for a normal life." At everyone's hushed voices I assumed that they had come to a silent consensus. Damn him and his persuasive ways. Hearing the sound of someone standing up, I rushed back to the chair and sat back down.

Batman was the one who had come. He looked at me for a minute eventually saying "We're going back to Earth. I'll drop you off. A mutual friend of mine will come and pick you up. Got it?" Hearing the edge in his voice I nodded quickly.

He walked me back to a platform with five glowing circles. After placing me on one he walked onto his own. There was a whirring sound and another flash of bright light then I was put back near a place that I vaguely recognized. It was kinda like a house. Although house was a very broad term, it was more of a freaking mansion.

It wasn't long before I heard the loud whirring of a motorbike. Standing up I saw a red blur as a teen passed me in… green spandex... Robin? Following him for a good half an hour we eventually came across the outskirts of Gotham City.

Great. Now I had a choice, follow the one guy I actually remember, or stay in a city that I had no memories of… that was actually a really stupid choice.

And so I followed the teen through three cities (buses FTW), I eventually got to another goddamn city limit; I think we were going to Jump City or something like that.

* * *

><p>Robin was pissed to say the least, he had went home to Gotham to gather his stuff, needless to say that Batman had <em>another<em> argument with him, causing him to leave again.

He returned to the tower hoping for some relaxing time. And by that he was going to train. Robin never relaxes. Ever. Of course as soon as he arrived the red alert went off, so Robin had sighed and left with the others to the maximum security prison where Cinderblock was breaking_ into_.

A figure watched as the Titans left in the newly built T-Car. He gave a small laugh and set to his task at hand. Finding the tower was simple enough, considering it was a _giant freaking T on the coast_. Hubris for the win.

The figure climbed a tree close to the tower, throwing the bag he had been holding, which appeared to be filled with white and black cloth, he got a sturdy grip on the ledge of the third window he climbed on. Placing his sticky gloves on the border he began the immense task of climbing the giant tower

-**Four Hours Later-**

The man pulled himself through the top window gasping for breath. _Never. Never again_. Taking a look at the lush living area he set at his next, thankfully much easier, task of making an outfit. Taking the hand needle he began sewing.

-**Three Days Later-**

He sighed as he put the finishing touches on his new outfit. It was a black hooded robe that opened up at the bottom revealing black pants and black boots, those having white spades. The hood's opening was in the shape of the spades with a full black mask. On the chest was another white spade, while on the shoulders upside down, guess what, white spades and beneath that were right side up spades, finally a spade was on the center of the back parallel with the one on the chest.

To get with the gimmicky world of supers, the amnesiac Jester chose the Ace of Spades, or Ace for short.

Cleaning up the scraps he looked through the rooms, five filled ones with one empty. Awesomely convenient. Going about the process of filling the dressers with clothes he acquired- _cough_stole_cough-_ he placed the black blanket on the bed and began the wait for the Titans.

**-Five Weeks Later-**

Robin and the others stumbled in each in different states of pain. They had a silent consensus that they were going to bed. Robin looked around with the weirdest feeling that something was wrong. Shrugging he walked to his room to _really_ relax.

It was 3:00 in the morning when Starfire was woken by the sound of someone in the kitchen area. Getting up she walked into the main room to investigate the commotion. She saw a silhouetted figure in the fridge pulling a large amount of food out. Shutting the door he froze when he saw her watching.

It was an old Western Mexican standoff.

After weighing the options, Starfire did a very sensible thing when someone had broken into their house-

She screamed.

Ace dropped his loot in a panic, frantically searching for a escape while the orange woman continued to scream,

_Good God she has a set of lungs, _he thought desperately. Putting an escape route together, he jumped on the fridge and pushed a ceiling tile to the side jumping up and shutting the tile.

"Star, wha's goin on?" Beast Boy asked barely awake.

"There was someone in the kitchen!" She screamed.

Robin gasped, "Where did he go?"

Starfire pointed up.

Cyborg checked his arm, "Well the sensors aren't picking anything up, so maybe he's gone?" Robin sighed and walked back to his room without a word.

Ace, hearing everyone else closing their doors, sighed before dropping onto his bed. This was not going to be easy.

**-Fourth of July-**

Ace was pretty excited. The Titans had left to go to the fair and watch the fireworks. That gave him an amazing chance to pull pranks.

He had just gotten through Robin merchandising Raven's room when he was interrupted switching her blanket out with one that had Robin's face on it by the sound of the elevator opening.

He froze.

He peeked around the corner when he heard a woman thinking out loud.

"Koriand'r would get framed, I would be free_." _

_Koriand'r… never heard of 'em. _He mused silently.

Walking out, he gave a friendly wave at the woman that had a striking resemblance to Starfire. She gasped before scowling as her eyes started glowing purple. Throwing his hands up, Ace nervously laughed.

"Woah, woah, woah, I'm just getting something from the fridge."

"I thought that the Titans were gone." She snapped.

"Hm, oh me? I'm not a Titan, I just live here. Soooo, who's Koriand'r?" He inquired, grabbing the orange juice nonchalantly.

She looked slightly shocked before narrowing her eyes, "How do I know that you aren't a Titan?"

He shrugged, "Ok then don't tell me, but be careful of Robin; his perceptiveness and attraction to Starfire are a _huge _ass-kicker."

She gave a resigned sigh, "In your tongue she would be Starfire. I am Blackfire."

_Ah. So that's why they looked alike_. He thought, clicking his tongue.

"Sooooo, framing Star huh? Personally I'm here to mess with Robin, but honestly, dude's so uptight that it's child's play." He said brightly.

"Hm." She was too deep in thought to respond completely.

"Well, I could help you ya know." Her eyes lit up at that, although not in the utterly frightening glowing way.

"Really, what can you do?" She asked skeptically.

"I can give you a game plan- and help with that game plan."

She practically beamed, although not in the frightening lethal way. "And what would that game plan be?"

"So what you need to do is to fit in, as luck would have it, your sister is _very_ sensitive about fitting in here- act like you're replacing her and she'll probably leave on her own. Then you won't have to deal with whatever intergalactic police you pissed off, I get to _really_ mess with Robin, and we're all happy."

She slowly started smiling before dashing over to him excitedly, "Well what are you waiting for?! Help me!"

"Woah, slow down," He said, putting his hands up, "You gotta _ease_ into it," she nodded "Okay, so it'll be easiest to fit in with Beast Boy and Cyborg, those guys are major video gamers, so I will teach you how to play their game." Sitting down Ace pulled their box of games out and began cycling through them, teaching her the greatest ways to win in them. After that montage worthy escapade he set at the next member.

"Ok, so Raven will... _also_ be surprisingly easy, all you need to do is learn some dark and depressing stories and poetry, I'll go ahead and print some off for you. Learn them and love them; be _one_ with the dreary ass stories." She nodded attentively,

"So, then Robin will probably be the hardest just because of how detective like he is, but he has a thing for fighting; so teach him some crazy ass space martial arts. He'll eat it up." He paused making sure she was paying apt attention, "Alright, then you'll have to familiarize with them. Party like it's the 80's." She gave a blank look at that. Sighing he sat her down.

_This is going to be a long night._

**-Later that night-**

Hearing the commotion, Ace ended their talk and subsequent bonding.

"I've taught you all I can, young one, now you must go and use those skills to succeed." Putting his fist in his palm, he bowed, to which she mockingly copied, before running back to his room.

Listening at the door he almost cried, she was taking his training so well.

It was days as she painstakingly followed his advice, bonding with the Titans, who unconsciously pushed Starfire away.

It was a couple of hours from when Blackfire had suggested to visit a club when he was awoken by the sound of fighting.

Rushing onto the rooftop he saw Komand'r being taken by what was presumably space-police.

_And there goes my star pupil. Awesome. _He thought dryly.

Sighing he went back to his room to sleep. _And she was so manipulative too_.

**Three weeks later**

Ace smiled to himself overhearing Beast Boy and Cyborg arguing about a lost remote. Soon Raven and Robin were in on it too as he flipped it in the air. Then Starfire screamed and they left for pizza.

He sighed and did his usual parkour to get to a tall building near the Titan's favorite pizza place. His stomach growled considering he hadn't eaten in a few days because he_ refused_ to eat blue food.

"Titans Go!" he was shocked out of his hungry reminiscing by Robin's customary yell. Looking down he saw three figures standing next to the pizza presumably threatening the Teen Titans.

_Now that just won't go. _He chided silently.

Standing on the edge of the building he took a deep breath in before jumping.

The standoff and monologue of the H.I.V.E students was cut off by the distant sound of screaming. The eight teens looked around trying to find the source of the sound when Robin looked up as it got closer.

"KaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**" Starfire just managed to catch the figure as he almost hit the ground, the momentum still causing the both of them to crash into the ground causing a large cloud of dust.

Ace smiled as he laid there. He was assuming that someone would have caught him. Pushing himself up he looked at the villains eyes hitting the girl last.

"Well you're actually quite lovely, and you would be?"

"I-I'm Jynx." She stuttered out, probably from the shock of it all than anything else.

"Beautiful. I would be Ace. Ace of Spades specifically. And _this_ is my card." He said as he whipped a Queen of Hearts out of his sleeve before giving it to her.

Ace noticed everyone staring at him, "Don't mind me, by all means, continue your fight, I'm just going to grab some pizza." And he did just that, grabbing a table, he called a waiter over. He was going to have Hawaiian. And it was going to be great.

He barely paid any attention to the fight, until Robin was thrown into the sewers that is. He was faced with the ultimate decision: Continue to blissfully eat his pizza, or go save Robin. He had a resigning sigh as he ran to the hole yelling, "Imma comin' Robin!" before diving in.

It wasn't hard to find him, what with the red and all. Grabbing onto his cape he dragged him onto the sidewalk type deals on the side. Laying him down he pressed his chest a few times before cuffing a hand around his mouth and breathing out. He continued this a few times before Robin sputtered back to life.

"Whew, thought you bit the dust back there."

He had a look of shock for a minute before snapping back to consciousness, "Ace. where are the Titans; did we win?"

Ace scowled, "If you didn't see dumbass, I was saving you, I have no idea what they are doing up there."

"Well, we should get back to the tower, regroup with the others." Robin said authoritatively.

Ace wordlessly shrugged before throwing Robin's arm around his shoulder as he dragged him to the new H in the sky.

* * *

><p>"Don't you guys get it, they won, we lost!" Cyborg yelled.<p>

"So this is it, the Titans are finished." Beast Boy muttered as they sullenly watched the Tower.

"Oh my God, will you three stop throwing pissy fits."

The Titans turned around in surprise seeing their leader standing with Ace.

"Not yet we aren't." Robin said with a smirk.

* * *

><p>Ace had watched gleefully from the shadows as the Titans absolutely <em>demolished<em> the H.I.V.E cadets, which was actually pretty sad considering how badly they had the Titans beat last time.

During the chaos on the roof, he had slipped into the living room and set the stolen remote on the table.

He contemplated why he had helped the Titans. Looking down at mess on the floor he remembered.

The bastards messed with his cards.

**-Three days later-**

Ace was awoken by the sound of extremely loud and close thunder and lightning.

_Nope. Going back to sleep._

**A/N: Wow. This one was really late. I meant to have it done three weeks ago. Shit. Anyways, Thunder and Lightning just weren't worth it. And cards FTW. Somehow I don't believe that Robin was worth it.**

******Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!******

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	7. Mad Mod

"**Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America."**

**-James Joyce**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

**Warning: F-bombs. Lots and lots of F-bombs.**

_Racial discrimination is an easy thing to instill into someone, your lesson for the day..._

* * *

><p>Ace was in the middle of spray painting 'Beast Boy's immortal love for Robin' when he noticed the green smoke filling the room.<p>

_Oh you are fu-_

* * *

><p>He woke up some time later along with the Titans, all strapped to chairs, in what appeared to be a mansion with checkered chairs.<p>

"Am I the only one who doesn't know where we are?" Beast Boy muttered.

"Oh shut up." Ace snapped.

"Why, you're right where you belong, my duckies." A shadowed figure exclaimed from the top of the stairs. "You're in school!" the figure jumped and slid down the railing, revealing a middle aged red headed British man with a jacket designed with the Union Jack.

"Oh my God, he's so chic!" Ace laughed from his seat.

"That's right, loves, you're the only students at Mad Mod's institute for bratty teenaged do-gooders." Mod continued on.

"Wait, I'm not a hero, what the hell dude!?" Ace asked, irritated.

Mad Mod ignored him.

"Hey can you hear me? Helllllllooooooooo? I. Am. Currently. Speaking. To. Yo-" Ace was cut off by the crazed Brit.

"Of course I can hear you! Your screechy voice is gettin' on me bloody nerves." Mad Mod yelled.

"Geez, who shat in your cereal?" Ace admonished with a raised eyebrow.

Mad Mod sighed and decided that ignoring the black robed teen was the better approach. "ANYWAY, it's high time that someone taught you sprogs a lesson." He said as he lifted his ruby tipped cane that was now sparking.

"Uh-oh" Beast Boy said, putting in his two cents.

* * *

><p><strong>Fades to black, then back in<strong>

* * *

><p>"Alright, did anyone else hear the Japanese opening theme? What does that mean?" Ace questioned.<p>

"Titans move!" Robin ordered as Mad Mod danced his way over to them. Alas all they could do was struggle.

"My starbolts are useless!" Starfire gasped.

"Specially designed chairs, love. Can't have those nasty superpowers interfering with my lecture now, can I?" Mad Mod said with a smug smirk, leaning into the orange teen's face.

"Get away from her!" Robin shouted.

"Now, don't get your knickers in a twist, my little snot." He said, leaning back, "I didn't go to all the trouble of building this school and filling your tower with knockout gas just so I could finish you off lickety-split."

"Then what do you want?" Raven asked.

"Just what I said, dearie — to teach you lot a lesson! Yes, I've been watching you children misbehave. And I hate misbehaving children! Fighting crime! Saving lives! Interfering with the plans of hardworking villains! Why, you lot are nothing but a bunch of troublemakers! But you'll learn your place soon enough." He said with much conviction.

The Teen Titans all snapped in different levels of randomness.

"What the hell happened to your heads?!" Ace screamed trying to lean to the side, away from them

"You see, I'm older than you, so I'm bigger, badder, and better." Mod said, pointing his cane at the teens.

"Say wha—? Ow!" Cyborg winced as he was hit by Mad Mod's cane.

"You're in my world now. And you won't be getting out until you've learned some proper respect." He marched back and forth in front of them.

"We will get out. And when we do-" Robin was cut off by the sound of a bell ringing.

"Oh, dear. There's the bell, my duckies. Off to class!"

Ace, who had decided to play Mad Mod's game of ignoring each other, was the first to drop.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

* * *

><p>UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" he shouted as his chair fell down an impossibly high fall.<p>

He opened his eyes as he realized he wasn't dead. Looking around, he noticed the oversized art materials. In the front of the classroom there was a bust of the British psychopath. Suddenly it started talking, "Now, now dearie, stop struggling and enjoy today's lesson: Art!"

Ace looked at the now hypnotic former Mona Lisa with disinterest. Swinging forward then backward, he broke the back of the chair on the ground, leaving his hands attached to the arms. Bracing himself, he slammed his left arm on the ground. While the arm did break, so did his arm. Ace fell on his knees letting out a soundless scream.

Well, there was a squeak in it.

Picking himself up he did the same with his right arm, thankfully with better results.

"HEY! What the hell! You… you just… How did you ignore the trap."

Ace lifted his hand and tapped his head, "We all have our secrets Mod. What's yours?"

Letting out a low growl before composing himself, Mad Mod continued on undaunted, "Well now, we can't have you breaking school prop- Hey, where are you going?!" He yelled as Ace left the room.

"Leaving." Was all the teen anti-hero said as he stepped into the utterly disorienting halls.

_Oh Jesus, this place is giving me a migraine._

Walking forward, he started going up. Lifting an eyebrow, he took a step backward... and fell upwards.

_I'm going to go insane- WHERE ARE THE PHYSICS!_

Continuing on, he hadn't realized that he was walking in inverted circles. When he did realize it, he looked up, or down, and immediately fell.

_AH WHAT THE FUCK! I HATE THIS PLACE!_

Walking forward despite his utter hatred for the place he was tackled out of the way by Mad Mod himself, "C'mon, lad, catch up!" the demonic Englishman shouted out.

Growling Ace picked himself up and charged in the direction that the Brit had went, before slamming into a wall. Mod turned left, so Ace did as well, seeing the older man running to the left and he tried to follow, only running into _another_ wall.

_I FUCKING SWEAR, I will rip this godforsaken hellhole to pieces and shove them down his throat, so help me God._

Seeing Mad Mod running to the left again, Ace ran down the hall he was already facing, before coming across a door. Opening said door, he was confronted by the British hypnotist at the top of the stairs. Running up the stairs, he was stopped by them becoming a downwards slide. Jumping onto the railing, he ran up and into the door that Mad Mod had went through, only to be stopped by more white and black hallways.

Ace's look of horror and hatred was interesting to say the least.

Despite the horrible halls he went uninterrupted as he stopped in front of a door. Opening it, he saw Raven's specially made chair facing a green screen with the hypnotic designs surrounded by giant gym equipment. Running forward he slammed her chair backwards, breaking the back and the glowing ring around it. Standing back to let her do her job, she sat up rubbing her hands.

"Thanks" was all that the apathetic sorceress said.

"No problem." Ace said casually, "We should probably find a way out. What are you wearing?"

She looked down before drawing her cloak around herself, "Gym clothes."

Ace ah'd as if he knew what she was talking about. They walked on in silence for bit before he looked over at her, "Hey Rae?" she nodded still looking forward, "Why do wear barely any clothes?" This had her interested.

"Not that I care in the least, but you've got your little slippers and your hood… and an incredibly revealing leotard."

"You're not one to talk, Mr. Ace of Spades."

"Hey mine is for my gimmick, what's your excuse?"

She looked forward for a bit before turning her attention back to the tall black robed teen next to her,"Were you just flirting with me? What, were you going to give me a Queen of Hearts next?"

"Me? Nah, you're more of a Queen of Clubs." She hmm'd questionably.

"Well, considering you could kick my ass at any moment."

He could've _sworn_ that he saw a smirk.

"So you have cards for everybody?"

"Oh hell yeah'see, you;re the Queen of Clubs, Robin's the King of Diamonds, Starfire's the Queen of Hearts, Cyborg's the King of Clubs while Beast Boy is the Joker's card: he can shift _any_ battle into his favor- See, you all are actually more of Jacks. Kings and Queens are people like Batman, or Superman; you have to _earn_ the right to be a King or Queen. Hell, be happy you guys are big in Jump or you might not be a face card at all," He was silent for a moment. "I once knew a man who said 'Hearts are for emotion, spades are for intellect, diamonds show wealth, and clubs, hm, that's to signify… power… or for hitting people'."

They walked in silence until coming to a stop in front of two doors. Suddenly the door to the left was slammed open as Cyborg stumbled out.

"Oh hey guys, have we found the others yet?" they shook their heads no. Shrugging he joined them as they went through the door to the right that led back to the main room. Hearing somebody on the other side of the stairs, Ace raised his hand before gesturing to it. Nodding in understanding, the three walked to them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, Cyborg, Raven how glad we are to see you." Starfire said. Ace pouted behind his mask, sufficiently ignored.

"This place is making me crazy!" Robin nearly yelled.

"Tell me about it! Mad Mod's whacked out computer lab nearly crashed my hard drive!" Cyborg agreed.

"Where did our captor send you?" Starfire questioned the remaining two.

"Gym." Raven monotoned.

"Art." Ace added, distractedly.

"Anybody seen BB?" Cyborg realized.

Beast Boy was currently on the floor, crawling like a caterpillar, covered in drool.

"Mad Mod's hypnotism, we can't snap him out of it." Robin answered at the looks of questioning by the three. "We've tried everything."

"Did ya try this?" Cyborg picked BB's ear, burping loudly into it.

"Hahahaha, nice one! Uhhh, how did I get here, and why am I covered in drool?" Beast Boy was definitely awake.

"Wonderful! Now we need only locate an exit." Starfire beamed.

Ace had wandered off at this point. If they were going to spend half an hour reuniting, he was going to take a nap.

"C'mon, won't you lot ever learn" Mad Mod said. Ace looked back at the group, BB being hypnotized. He was quite sure this wouldn't be the last time either.

"After him!" Robin ordered.

So, with the exclusion of Beast Boy and Starfire, they chased the now moped riding Mad Mod until the two caught up with them.

Reaching the end of the hall, Robin was hit by a banana in the back of the head. Turning around, Mod gave them a taunting look before high-tailing down the other side of the hall. After a moment to recover from their shock, they chased him back.

Ace looked to the left while they ran, something catching his eye. "What the fuck kind of plane of existence is that statue in!?"

Running forward, Ace looked to his right to see a fountain, "Is that fountain a _painting!?_ WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE-" He cut cut himself off in shock, something down the hall spooking his, "AND IS THAT A ROCKET!? RUN YOU FOOLS!" Wisely following Ace's suggestion they ran into a white room with a bunch of black holes, one of which Mod had jumped into.

Attempting to follow him, Robin face planted on the now solid floor.

Ace walked back, his scientific mind beginning to shut down. Eventually they found the right hole and he sluggishly followed.

Then they all popped up in something reminiscent of a Beatles' video. Seeing the insane Brit pass by, they ran after him. Onto a set of endless stairs.

Eventually, Mod reached the top and pressed his cane down. The stairs fell into the shape of a slide as Raven and Starfire flew while Ace jumped and grabbed onto the former's cloak. Beast Boy turned into an octopus and saved the other two. After a moment of walking, they found Mad Mod and followed him into a room with a row of doors on each side.

Walking through one, Ace came out of the way they entered into the hallway. Stumbling to the back of the room he watched emptily as the other six defied physics. After a moment, Robin went to the back with him. As Mod disappeared into the doors, Robin walked up to one the Titans following suit. As they all, with the exception of Ace, walked up to a door, they opened them simultaneously. With nothing behind them, they (and with Ace now in tow) all walked to the last door smiling.

Pulling it open, a T-Rex's head popped out and roared, causing them all to jump back in fright. Seeing Mod using the bust in the back to open a door, they quickly followed suit. And walked into a hallway with the oh-so enticing outside exit at the back.

"No way, is tha-" BB began.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" He was cut off by Ace running full speed at the tarp. "NO MORE MAD MOD. NO. GODDAMN MORE."

"Right back where we started!" Robin yelled frustrated

"Of course you are, my duckies." He began tauntingly, "Class is over, and you lot haven't learned a thing. That's a failing grade for each bloomin' one of you! There's only one thing for it: You'll have to repeat the enti-"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He, much like Beast Boy, was cut off by Ace's pure rage. Running full force at Mad Mod, he went through the hologram, through the hypnotic walls, through the maze of pipes and wires, right to where the elderly man was controlling everything.

"Wait a moment, I've lost Ac-" Ace had picked him up and punched him once, knocking him out immediately.

Walking back to the now wire filled large room, Ace threw Mod through the hole he made.

"I've found him. It's over. I'm going to pass out now." And that he did.

* * *

><p>He woke up sometime later outside.<p>

"Oh glorious sunlight! How I have missed thou." Ace smiled behind his mask, not ready to get up yet.

"You alright? You kinda freaked out at the end there." Robin said.

"Hm, yeah," he said sitting up, "I have a very scientific mind that relies on physics to get me through life and. That. Was _not_ physics. That was hell. I think my rage broke."

Robin nodded before calling a group huddle a little ways away. Ace watched disinterestly as they talked, every once in a while looking over at him. He looked down at Mad Mod.

The Titans had come to a decision. Robin started talking towards the odd anti-hero. "Well Ace, as the leader of the Titans, I would like to ask… if you would join the Titans." The last part was deadpanned as Ace had disappeared with Mod.

**A/N: Next chapter will be a time skip leading into the next season. All will be explained in time, young ones.**

****Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!****

**LOL, R&R**

**-Infernokota**


	8. A Rivalry Begins

"**Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."**

**-Mark Twain**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_Dammit, I always ended up hating blondes..._

* * *

><p><strong>The scene fades in to Jester with a pipe in a lush chair sitting next to a roaring fire with a lion at his feet.<strong>

"Oh, why hello there children," a puff on his pipe, with bubbles coming out, "I didn't see you there. This is your favorite Uncle Jester here, coming to inform you of the time skip between 'Car Trouble', to 'Every Dog Has His Day'. It's mostly because I have a lazy ass author who doesn't want to write about; A: mopey Cyborg, B: mopey Robin, C: Starfire-centric, or D: Beast Boy-centric. I mean, come on, in those you wouldn't get to see the wondrous Ace of Spades. So please, enjoy this 4-episode chapter kicking off with 'Terra'."

* * *

><p>Ace woke up that morning feeling great. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, you wouldn't even think that they were right next to the city.<p>

Listening at his door for a few minutes, he decided that no one was home and it was an ample time to stock up the mini-fridge. Sneaking out to the kitchen with the utmost stealth, he raided a comical amount of food and drinks.

Hearing the sound of the elevator arriving he put the food back in the fridge and rushed back to his bedroom. He put his ear up to the door and listened to the commotion.

"You guys got anything to eat?"

Ace paled. Peeking through the crack in his door, he watched in horror as a girl ate_ everything_. Even Starfire's grub. He walked back to his mini-fridge and looked sullenly at the one ham sandwich in there. He had the weirdest need for PB&J. Huh. He lay back down on his bed, the sounds of water running unfortunately keeping him awake.

Later that night he crept into the kitchen to survey the damage. There was nothing. It was just… gone. He groaned and walked to the window looking out on the bay. There were two figures sitting next to each other. He sighed,

_Crazy kids_.

He ducked under the random clothing line and went back into his room to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next morning he laughed as Terra thoroughly thrashed Cyborg's record, at the cost of the fancy new training course. The alarm went off. Ace casually walked to the terminal, knowing that the Titans had their communicators and would just immediately go towards the threat. Checking it, he saw the alert being underground. This was the third hardest decision of his life: follow them underground or stay comfortable at the Tower.<p>

He sighed and grabbed his cards.

Following them was easy. Getting into the cave, however, was not.

Climbing the side of the cave he shimmied up jumping onto a scaffold watching the battle below. Seeing Terra running off he narrowed his eyes and followed. He slipped around Beast Boy and Terra holding each other and went in the way he had seen Slade go.

"Hello there Ace. Or should I say… Jester." Ace turned to see the man walk out of the shadows behind him.

"Slade Wilson. Or should I call you Deathstroke."

If he was impressed he didn't show it.

"You have good information Ace." Slade monotoned in that bassy-ass voice of his.

"Please, I have amnesia and I know that it's you." Ace said with a snort.

Deathstroke raised a finger, "About that. I have an offer for you. I have a way to show you your past. Give you back the life you never knew you had. All you need to do is infiltrate and gain the trust of the Titans."

"So keep doing what I've been doing?" Ace said, crossing his arms.

Slade's eye narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I've been in Titans tower for a month now. I know everything about them. Also, about your offer? No. Some things are better left alone." The anti-hero said quietly.

"Well, we'll see about that." Slade finished before disappearing into the shadows.

Ace arrived back at the tower an hour later, seeing the Titans gathered on the coast, Beast Boy kneeling down. Terra wasn't there and there seemed to be an odd, silent sadness filling the home.

_Huh. Guess she wasn't trustworthy after all_

* * *

><p>The Titans returned from a fight with some guy called Control Freak. They had the new big thing in horror Wicked Scary. Ace had <em>heard<em> a lot about it, considering he couldn't go out and get it.

Later that night, the Titans had turned the lights off, popped in the movie, and huddled on the couch. Ace had decided to stick behind the couch so he could watch. Beast Boy screamed jumping behind the couch. Hearing breath to his right, he looked at the black robed white eyed teen and screamed again.

Robin looked behind the couch to see the mysterious stranger from their adventures.

"Ace?" the other three Titans had turned around, having paused the movie to see the commotion.

"Ok, you guys caught me, I hopped by to see the movie with you guys." Ace put his hands up in a calming manner.

Robin sighed, convinced that Ace came and went as he pleased. "Fine."

"Whoo!"

* * *

><p><strong>Two Hours Later<strong>

* * *

><p>Raven and Ace were death clinging to each other; Starfire was hiding behind Robin, while BB was keeping his spot warm behind the couch.<p>

"Is it over?" Beast Boy asked, refusing to come up from behind the couch.

"I dare not open my eyes to check." Starfire said, still behind Robin.

"I've fought psychotic criminals, giant robots, and oozing monsters. And that was the most horrifying thing I've ever seen." Robin stated.

"Mmmhmm." Cyborg agreed.

They, with the exception of Raven and Ace who, while having let go of each other, were still in states of shock, all burst out laughing.

Ace decided that now was a good time to go to the bathroom, and then go to bed.

* * *

><p>Ace was awoken by thunder and lightning.<p>

_It was clear half of an hour ago. _He thought quietly.

Hearing the sounds of commotion, he began opening the door, only for the Titans to rush past. Opening the door fully, he went into the main room to wait for them to come back. It was a full hour since he had decided to wait when Raven came stumbling through the doors.

"Raven?" He asked.

"Ace?" She mirrored.

There was a deafening noise as the monster from Wicked Scary came through the right side of the room.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Ace screamed as it bolted towards him. On the left side of the room, a sea of demon rats came through the walls. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Ace was now officially panicking while Raven kneeled on the floor muttering about not being afraid. "WHAT THE FUCK RAVEN!?"

Hearing an ominous sound behind him he slowly turned to see a huge black monster coming through the window.

If Ace was any less of a man he would have soaked his pants.

"I am afraid. But that doesn't mean I can't fight back." Raven said standing up.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TAL- WHY ARE YOUR EYES BLACK!?"

Raven started levitating, the monsters being absorbed into her energy. There was a blast of light as the other Titans appeared in the room with them.

"ROBIN?! SOMEBODY EXPLAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Ace screamed.

Robin looked up at him in shock,

"Ace? Never mind, doesn't surprise me. See, Raven refused to accept her fears and voice them, so they found another way out." Robin thought for a moment, "oh right, Ace I would like to invite yo-" Robin looked around confused. Ace was gone.

He shouted out, "GODDAMNIT, BATMAN!" the other Titans looked at him quizzically.

* * *

><p>It was an average day for Ace. If not a foreboding one. He heard the Japanese opening theme. He knew something <em>pure evil<em> was coming. The Titans had to stop a petty crook from robbing a jewelry store, and in his deviousness, he took the opportunity to rob the Titan's fridge, who were growing increasingly worried about the disappearance of their food.

He was in the middle of taking some food from the fridge when the door was busted open by Starfire holding a frozen Robin. Even though he couldn't see it, he took solace in the fact that Robby was probably surprised to see him.

"Hey Ace."

Or maybe not.

Starfire did some crazy space acupressure that randomly cured Robin of his frozen state.

"Better?" Starfire asked, still holding him.

"Actually, much. Thanks."

"I welcome you! There are few problems Tamaranian acupuncture will not fix." She beamed.

"Great, now that that's taken care of, we can move on to our other problem. Have we found our jewel thief?" Robin brushed her overwhelming joy off.

"No. Something much worse." That would be Raven.

"We're gonna need backup." And that's Cyborg.

"We're on our way." Robin said as he and Starfire began running towards the elevator.

"Not so fast. Don't bother, even if you defeat a few of my children, you won't be able to beat the whole swarm. Unless you want your city reduced to a moth eaten wasteland you'll do exactly as I say."

Oh. My. God. Killer Moth was making demands.

"What do you want." Robin asked seriously while Ace tried to stifle his laughter.

"My demands are simple. The city will declare me ruler, the Teen Titans will surrender, and Robin will... take this lovely young lady to her junior prom." He said, gesturing to a blonde teen to his side that Ace decided he hated.

"Hi, Robby-Poo!" That was the most obnoxious voice Ace had ever heard. Ever.

"Erm... what was that last part again?" Robin said, rubbing his ear like he had heard something pure alien.

"Robin, who is this girl? And why does she call you 'poo'?" Starfire inquired, quite confused as to why this woman was referring to her friend as defecation.

"Her name is Kitten. And you will take her to prom!" Killer Moth said, shaking his fist menacingly.

"This... prom... is some manner of duel, yes? Robin eagerly accepts!" Starfire said actually slapping Kitten through the T.V. while Robin quite interestingly freaked out.

"It's not a duel, Star. It's a date." Robin said, quite miserable. Ace found the entire situation amusing.

"He does NOT accept, do you hear?! Robin does NOT accept!" Starfire all but yelled as Robin dragged her away.

"We're gonna need a minute. Ace, distract them."

"Wait! Don't leave me with them." Robin was already gone.

They stared at Ace.

"Soooooo, Killer Moth… ya… ya had a kid?"

"Obviously."

More awkward silence.

"Riddle me this, Moth, why are you doing this badass megalomaniacal scheme now, while back in Gotham you were such a scrub?"

"Well… Back in Gotham people would only step up their game and make me a bigger loser and harder to do stuff on their level. And who are you to call me a scrub!?" He said, breaking out of his normal awkwardness quickly.

"Call me a friend of a friend. Alright, this entire situation is to damn funny." Ace said, a few chuckles leaking out.

"I'll do it." Oh look, Robin was back.

"Don't tell me. Ask the girl." Moth said, enjoying this just as much as Ace, though for different reasons.

"You've gotta be..." Robin began.

"DO IT!" Killer Moth yelled.

"Kitten, was it?" Robin said, gritting his teeth.

"Meow." She said, looking like a cat.

"Ah, I see what she did there, her name is Kitten… and she's a cat." They all looked at Ace. "Sorry, sorry, my bad, my bad." He amended, his hands up.

"Right. Will you... go with me to the prom?" Robin said as he seemed to be seething with pure hatred and disgust.

"Oh, Robbie-poo! I thought you've never ask!"

Ace lost it.

* * *

><p>Robin had already left and Ace was contemplating leaving the situation alone. Dammit, this entire adventure was just a bunch of hard choices.<p>

"Starfire, let's go." He said, gesturing to the alien princess.

She sighed, "But I need to get to the others."

"No, you need to gather information. I know just where to do it. But first, you need a dress." He winked.

Star and Ace showed up at the Cruise ship, Starfire in a sparkly pink dress, Ace in a tuxedo with his hood still on.

While Star greeted Robin, Ace walked to the punch bowl with a small bottle of jack. What? No good prom didn't have a spiked punch bowl. Looking back to see Starfire destroying Kitten's obnoxious pink limo, he walked back and led her over to a table.

"Calm down Star, we don't need to kill her yet. I still need to get the trigger."

She nodded, making monstrous faces.

"Yeah… let's just… walk away." He said slowly.

He led her over to the punch bowl. She grabbed a cup and the spoon, but didn't pour anything.

"Hey, can we have some punch?" A young man asked quietly, his date holding his arm.

Starfire roared at them, looking absolutely frightening.

"_RUN_." Ace whispered frantically. They nodded and scampered away. "Nope. Nope, Starfire, we're going back to the table." Ace looked over to see Robin talking to a spider man. No hyphen.

_Hell._

Running over, Ace hit the spider man with a flying kick. Standing up he popped his back, "Oh. Oh. Been too long… come Robby, let's crack Parker's head, Yea?"

* * *

><p><strong>Scene fades back into Jester,<strong>

"Hello again. Yeaaaah… we're going to go ahead and skip Starfire again, 'Kay?"

**Scene fades out.**

* * *

><p>Ace was watching the Titans play volleyball with disinterest. It was like normal volleyball… only more interesting. He sighed as Beast Boy hit the ball over the ledge.<p>

_And there goes my entertainment._

Sighing he began walking back into his room. Hearing commotion back outside, he swiftly turned around. Narrowing his eyes, he saw a vaguely familiar blonde woman.

_Isn't that the woman from a couple of weeks ago?_

Walking back to the window he attempted to listen on to their conversation. Unfortunately there was a window in his way. If he had his way, there would be no such thing as this window. With the Titans rushing back inside, he turned and walked back to his room.

At the silence he peeked out from his room. Nothing. Perfect. Walking to the fridge, he froze, his hand millimeters away from the handle. Narrowing his eyes, he looked around. Grasping the handle firmly, he continued being vigilant. Pulling it open a crack he stopped and waited. Swinging it open, he turned around with his cards out. At the silence he grabbed his loot and turned tail back to his room.

With no one stopping him, he smiled to himself.

_This was going to be the. Best. Day. Ever._

* * *

><p>This was most certainly not the best day ever.<p>

He was eating on the couch, watching a comedy movie when the Tower began shaking. Rushing over to the window, he gasped at Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy fighting a green metallic ring lasering a circle around the Tower. Banging his fists against the window, he began frantically screaming, "OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE SAVE ME YOU ASS-WIPES! I'M GOING TO DIE IN A GIANT T! _FUCK!_"

It went pleasantly on like that as he grew more and more frantic as the building began sinking into the ground.

All of a sudden it stopped.

Coming up from the pillow that he had been holding over his head in an attempt to protect himself. He decided that this was a good point to end his day.

* * *

><p>Hearing someone enter his room he grabbed his cards from the bedstand. There was shuffling around for a bit before someone bumped into his foot.<p>

"Robin?" Cyborg?

"No, I'm over here." Robin?!

"Hm, must have been a piece of furniture."

_What the hell is going on?_

It was a few minutes until someone else opened the door. "SURPRISE!" Four of the Titans yelled from the room, while Raven and Terra were at the entrance.

"Who's that guy?" Terra asked, pointing between Cyborg and Starfire.

The other Titans looked behind them to see Ace in an attack form with his cards drawn.

"Ace?" just then Robin began noticing things about the room: the lush black blanket, the stuffed drawers, and the table with microscopic mechanical materials and playing cards.

"Ace are you living here?"

Ace thought about lying.

"Yes. Yes I am."

"How long?" Cyborg asked.

"Uh, two or three months. Give or take. Oh, and Robin? I'll take you up on that offer. Mostly because I don't want to lose my room."

"How did my sensors not pick you up?" Cyborg asked incredulously.

Ace snorted, "Please, I hacked your systems weeks ago."

Cyborg began comically sparking out.

"Also, what does the guest room situation look like?" Ace said raising his hand.

"I can go sleep on the couch for now." Terra offered.

"You do that." He said turning away.

* * *

><p><strong>The Next Day<strong>

* * *

><p>Ace was sitting on the couch, staring off into space as he flipped his cards between his hands that were a good two feet apart.<p>

"Hey Ace, we're going out to celebrate yours and Terra's joining the team with pizza, do-" Robin started.

"No." Ace deadpanned.

"What?!" Beast Boy asked.

"I'm not going with her." He corrected.

"Oh, come on, even Raven's accepted her." Beast Boy tried.

"Besides, Friend Terra is much of the fun." Starfire finished.

"I. Am. Not. Going with her." He repeated.

"Guy, you don't even know me, what's your problem?" Terra asked, infuriated

Flipping over the couch he bared down at the much shorter teen who shrank back at the very imposing black robed Titan, "Because I know a traitor when I see one. And you are not trustworthy. I'm keeping my eye on you." He threatened.

He began walking back to his room.

"How come she's not trustworthy and you are?" Robin questioned.

"Because I could've killed you all weeks ago." He stated simply before stepping into his room and shutting the door, leaving the Titans in stunned silence.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Jesus, serious Ace?! Blasphemy! This one was a lot of fun to write. We see the return of the Jester, if only a cameo.**

**DoctorWhoXX: We will see. We will see indeed, mwahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA (lightning flashes)**

****Alright, so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?****

******Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!******

**R&R, LOL********  
><strong>****

**-Infernokota**


	9. Foodsava-Man!

"**Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire!"**

**-Robin Williams**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_Looking back on it, I probably could've sued those little heroic butt-munches for starving me..._

"You are fucking me." Ace said, his eye twitching.

"I'm not." Robin answered.

"I. Am not. Sharing a room with her." Ace stated very matter of factly.

"If we're going to work well as a team out there, we all need to get along. You two are the only ones that don't." Robin shot back.

"But why_yyyyyy_, why can't I be like an intel guy or something?"

"Because you would be better in the field and we need all the people we can get."

Ace huffed and slammed the door.

* * *

><p>Ace was aware of Terra watching him build the wall. He didn't truly care. He was going to build that wall.<p>

"What are you doing?" she finally asked.

"Building." He stated very simply.

"Building what?"

"A wall."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you in my room."

"Isn't this the whole reason we are in here together? To build trust?"

"No. We are here because Robin is a dumbass."

She huffed and left the room.

* * *

><p>Ace and Terra stood side by side on the newly built obstacle course.<p>

"Alright you two, you need to work together." Robin said over the intercom.

Terra shook her arms, limbering up while Ace stood there impassively. Terra looked over at him as the countdown began, "You ready partner?"

He barely spared her a glance, "Just don't get in my way."

The countdown ended.

Ace ran ahead of Terra jumping in between two laser shots, quickly vaulting a rock wall. Throwing a card at a machine that smashed down, it was electrocuted, being shorted out. Running beneath the former lethal trap, he performed a perfect corkscrew flip between two saw blades he tucked into a barrel roll before seeing Terra flying by on a rock right in front of him. Turning around he ducked beneath a rocket that nearly hit him in the face, before hitting the ground behind him throwing him forwards.

"Shut the course down!" Robin yelled at Cyborg.

Ace ripped his tattered black robe off growling revealing the black body armor hugging his person, "What the hell was that, Terra?!"

She squeaked and stumbled for an answer, "I-I don't-"

"'I don't' won't cover it. You almost got my ass killed!"

She looked back up at him, eyes now defiant, "If you didn't get in my way, you wouldn't have gotten hit."

Ace ground his teeth and walked back inside. The rest of the Titans watched him go.

"I didn't mean to…" Terra started.

"It's alright, I don't even think he likes all of _us_ yet. Give him time." Beast Boy said.

* * *

><p>There was the alert. Ace stumbled out of his room still half asleep.<p>

"Titans, Go!" came Robin's trademark yell.

Bunking with Cyborg and the other three Titans that didn't have a form of transport (Raven, Beast Boy and Terra) he was thankfully saved the uncomfortable awkwardness by being allowed the passenger seat.

"So… does this thing get radio?" He asked Cyborg.

Cyborg looked at him as if he were dumb, "Of course this thing gets radio."

Reaching his hand up slowly towards the electronic system, Cyborg slapped it away.

Recoiling in shock, Ace shot him a mock glare, "Hey passenger gets access to the radio control, car etiquette."

Huffing Cyborg let him play with the settings. Unsurprisingly enough, Ace put on Motorhead.

Terra blinked in the back and glared at Beast Boy, "Doesn't like you guys yet you said."

"Heheh." Beast Boy chuckled nervously while Ace rocked out in the front.

"Sooo…" Raven began, trying to break up the awkward silence,

"Ace, what do you think Terra's card would be?"

Ace paused the music.

"Joker card." Terra's eyes lit up,

"Really?" she said happily.

"Really. You don't know where she is, and half the time she won't even be there for you. She can also ruin _everything_ if used against you by the opponent." Ace said grouchily.

"Forget I asked." Raven huffed.

And so the uncomfortable silence returned.

It wasn't long until they arrived at the crime scene and Ace was… utterly disappointed. He expected something like the H.I.V.E students, or (and he hated himself for asking for it) Mad Mod. Killer Moth at the very least. They were confronted by a stereotypical robber in a black outfit. Robin got off his bike and walked into the shop to knock him out. It was a good solid five minutes until Robin was thrown through the window, clear across the street as the former small time crook stepped on the window sill, cracking his neck.

Ace summed this situation up pretty well.

"Oh shit."

Starfire flew towards him, only for her fist to be caught by his and thrown straight up, then upper-cutted underneath her chin back up into the air.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Raven yelled as she threw a streetlight at the man, only for him to catch it and swing it at her like a baseball bat, sending her flying.

Beast Boy had transformed into a gorilla to get the robber when he forcefully followed Robin across the street.

Ace threw a volley of cards at the man, each exploding against him. The smoke cleared revealing the man unfazed, with his shirt ripped and his skin now metal. Ace chose this time to reiterate himself.

"Shit."

Throwing a card at the man's feet, it harmlessly bounced against a flying rock.

"Dammit, Terra!" the man caught the rock and threw it back at her, which she barely ducked with a squeak.

Running at him, Ace threw a brass-knuckled fist at the figure who simply took it and laughed, before punching the quite spooked anti-hero straight up.

Ace closed his eyes for a minute before throwing out a deck of cards that attached together and created a platform for him to land on, the cards at the back firing jets that propelled him forwards.

The figure had turned towards Terra, who uselessly threw boulders at him. Face turning up in a scowl, she raised two columns on either side of him, smashing them together. Flying by, Ace threw volley after volley of explosive cards at him, effectively welding the two rocks together. Landing on the other side of Terra, his card board unlinked and folded into a neat stack of cards. Walking to a stop, he turned to Terra who was walking towards him.

"We make a good team, you and I." Terra said.

"Think nothing of it. I still don't like you, and if you betray these people, I will be right next to Beast Boy- duck!" He cut himself off with wide eyes, grabbing the blonde and pushing them both to the side.

Throwing what was supposed to be a pair of bolo-type cards, they were interrupted yet again by Terra's rocks. The large man jumped on top of the building and away. Throwing his cards on the ground, Ace was appalled. She interrupted him, not once but _twice_. Throwing his hood back he walked up to her, preparing to say something. Unfortunately, his pure, unadulterated rage refused to let him talk. Oh sure, his mouth was moving, just no sound came out. Standing there for a minute, he eventually yelled infuriatedly before storming off. Terra stood there confused.

* * *

><p><strong>Back At the Tower<strong>

* * *

><p>Ace stood in his room looking with pride at the newly built wall with a door in the middle.<p>

Looking back at Terra who was standing behind him he started, "Alright my little traitorous one, I'm going to lay down some ground rules: one, you will not, with no exceptions, enter my side of the room; two, I could not give a damn what you do with your side of the room, go wild; three… I don't have a three, but if I did it would be really strict and unfair. You are dismissed." He said as he walked back into the hall and then to Robin's study.

"So Robby, how's the search coming on our mysterious metal man?" Ace asked.

"Right now I've got nothing, it's like he never existed." Robin said boredly.

Ace thought for a moment,

"Or… someone made it to where he never existed…"

Robin looked up, "Slade."

"Bingo."

Robin went back to his computer, "So instead of looking for him, I'm going to look for anything _about _him," a moment of silence, "I got something. There was a recent report with a low security prison in Star: there was an experimental super drug and the scientists that created it needed viable test subjects, so they offered the prisoners a deal: if they would allow themselves to be tested on, they could have their sentences reduced. Hmm, the only surviving prisoner was a man by the name of Aurum Ferrumque. Could be our guy."

"Look at you, being all detective and shit."

* * *

><p>Walking back out to the kitchen he whipped a few things out of the fridge and began cooking while singing in Italian.<p>

* * *

><p>Robin, Beast Boy, and Cyborg disappeared. They were in a very heated card game, and they just disappeared. Ace was officially panicking. Not only were his good friends gone, he was now surrounded by the girls. By no means was he sexist, but they were just <em>relishing<em> torturing him. He was pretty sure that Terra was leading it. What? Just because she was suspicious as all hell didn't mean that she needed to take it out on him, while he wasn't even sure Raven was there, he knew that Terra convinced Starfire to do it.

"Come out Ace, we aren't going to do anything bad, we were just going to get manipedis, then get our hair dyed pink." She said in a sing-song voice.

"Go. Away." He growled out

"Come out, we wish to do the friendly bonding!" Starfire added happily.

"Bond with her Star, I ain't coming out."

"I will break this wall down Ace, don't think I won't." Terra warned.

"You know what, you guys should try finding the others, it'll do you good."

"You should come help us, friend!" Starfire tried again.

"Nope."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace." Terra whined.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." He said loudly towards the door.

"Fine. But I'm going to eat everything in the fridge." She threatened.

He was silent for a moment, "… I'll be right out."

Ace sighed and shut his computer off. Research could wait. "I'm out. What do you want?"

"Oh nothing, we're just going to watch chick flicks!"

"Yes, we will watch the 'romantical mush' as Terra calls it." Star said, flapping and smiling widely.

"See, even Starfire wants to watch it- what are you doing?" She asked as Ace picked the fridge up.

"Iamsavingthefoodyouevilevilwoman!" he said as he ran back to his half of the room.

"You son of a bitch!"

* * *

><p><strong>Five Days Later<strong>

* * *

><p>Ace sighed as Beast Boy asked Terra out.<p>

_I'm the only one that knows that she's a traitor._

He did have a resigning sigh to himself though, knowing that Terra had shut him down, he went and lied down on his bed. He was jolted awake by the sound of the window opening. Looking to the side, he noticed that while his window wasn't open, Terra was flying past it. Scowling, he closed his eyes in concentration for a moment before throwing a deck of cards out that surrounded him, making him invisible. Pulling out another set of cards, he threw the deck that created the card-board. Jumping on it he followed them to an empty amusement park.

He watched them for most of the night. While he didn't really care _that much _about Beast Boy, he figured if she tried to murder him, or anything like that, he could help.

* * *

><p>It was stupidly droll. <em>Nothing<em> happened at all. He was playing with the idea of just turning in for the night and heading back to the tower when he saw a familiar silhouette in the carriage with them.

_Oh, this is going to be good._

Beast Boy tackled Slade out of the carriage onto the one beneath them, where they had a short scuffle until Beast Boy got on the rock with Terra and they flew to the house of mirrors. Following them inside at a safe distance, he watched as Terra left the fighting Slade and BB into another cylindrical room of mirrors.

"And just where do you think you're going, missy?" the blonde teen turned in shock.

"Ace? Were you following us?" She asked incredulously.

"That's not your biggest problem right now is it? Why is Slade here, and where is your communicator?" Ace deadpanned.

"You guys, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen." She said as she kneeled on the floor clutching her head.

"Then why did you let it?" Oh look Beast Boy was back. Ace took a step back to let them work the drama out.

She resembled a kicked puppy, "I don't know, okay? I don't know. Slade, he helped me. Saved me from myself. He said I owed him..."

"So, it was all a game? You were just pretending?" He asked angrily.

"No. You said you'd be my friend no matter what, remember?" She whimpered, on the verge of crying.

"Slade was right. You don't have any friends." Beast Boy turned towards Ace as she stepped back towards Slade. Closing her eyes and looking down for a moment, she looked up with anger.

* * *

><p>"Ace was right, we shouldn't have trusted her." Robin said, sitting on an upturned piece of furniture like the other Titans while Ace stood behind Robin leaning against a wall, smirking behind his mask.<p>

"I knew I should have listened to him." Raven said.

They all looked at Ace expectantly.

He looked up, "What?"

Raven was the first to speak,

"Aren't you going to say 'I told you so'?"

"Me? No, I'm going to wait until you least expect it, then I will strike." He ended mysteriously.

"How are you taking this so well?! Slade knows everything about us: our weaknesses and likes, everything." Robin asked.

"Well first off, I have forever bragging rights, second off, I know where they are." He said, waving something that looked like a GPS.

Cyborg looked at him in shock, "You really planted a tracking device?"

"Hell yeah I did. I told you guys I knew that she was a traitor."

"Fast thinking, Ace." Robin commended.

* * *

><p>The Titans were gathered around a deserted piece of desert a little ways outside the outskirts of Jump City.<p>

"I do not understand, where is Slade and Terra?" Starfire asked dumbfounded.

Looking around, Ace walked a ways away from the group. Kneeling down he picked up a small black spades shape, "They figured me out." He muttered under his breath. Looking around he got the worst gut feeling that something was wrong.

"Titans, we have to go now!" was all he was able to say before the explosion went off.

**A/N: So, watched Fantastic Four for the first time in forever, and I've got to say: Latveria is evil as fuck.**

**They gave their national hero, as a prize for peace!, an evil ass mask. So I figured it out: Evil ass Latveria gave their evil ass hero a evil ass mask.**

**Also, I had a hard time deciding if I should do the Terra and Starfire torturing him. Then I was like 'Fuck it' and that was born.**

**Also also, I forgot to say this in the first Teen Titans chapter (And I'm to lazy to go back and edit it), the original Ace of Spades outfit was created by BlahhxOc (doubt that I'm spelling that right.) that I pretty much blatantly stole, so go check out their drawing of it over at Deviantart and you can get a pretty good idea of what it is and see the actual creator's stuffs and give them credit. **

**Also also also, I finally got around to rewriting the first chapter (and I still need to do the second and third) do check it out. It's quite a bit darker than the original, but ya'll that actually have read the entire story, and I thank you for it, will recognize bits and pieces of it, but from a third person view.**

**Also also also also, looking back at the first chapters, I noticed on chapter 4 I think it was, I gave a rough schedule update, then the very next chapter that was thrown out the window. Don't know why that was relevant, thought it was funny at the time though.**

**Also also also also also,** so I'm looking for a beta? Anybody want to volunteer?****

**Also also also also also also, r****eview! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!******

**I think that's it...**

**R&R, LOL**

**-Infernokota **


	10. Lemmy

"**Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you." **

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC's in this story. Except Wolf.**

_Question for you; how do you feel about 80's metal?_

Ace slammed the cast wearing Robin against the wall, "What. The fuck. Did you do?"

Robin was thoroughly confused. "I didn't do anything. I just got hurt."

"That's not true." Ace growled out, "I heard the Japanese theme. And this time it was _weird_. If something terrible happens, I will murder you." Putting him down, he began walking back to his now much larger room. "I'm going to look for Rancid, you guys-" he was interrupted by Robin's screaming. "Woah, woah, woah, what's happening?" he watched in horror as something very large popped out of Robin's head. "What the fuck is _that!?_"

"I'm Nosyarg Kcid!" the short Robin mini-me just about yelled.

"AND WHAT DOES THAT ANSWER! STOP TALKING IN GIBBERISH!" Ace shouted out furiously.

"MY. NAME. IS. NOSYARG KCID!" the mini-me Robin yelled back, voice full of mirth.

"So Nosy…" Beast Boy began. "Nawsey… we'll just call you Larry."

The mini-me, now dubbed Larry, eyes lit up. "Larry!" he said to Beast Boy, "Le Larry" he said with a fake French accent while kissing Starfire's hand, "Larry!" he said over and over as he appeared in Raven's cloak, _inside_ of Cyborg's robot parts, and in Ace's robe then his mouth.

"Nope." Ace said quietly, shaking his head. "Fuck this shit- I'm going to look for Rancid, you guys have fun with this reality bending maniac." He finished before turning tail and practically sprinting towards his room.

"What's his problem?" Larry asked.

"It's for the best; last time something like this happened, his mind broke and he went on a rampage to make it stop. This is definitely for the best. Personally, I like the Tower." Beast Boy answered.

"Uh, attention Titans, I've got Rancid downtown. He's not being very subtle." Ace's voice came over the intercom.

"Titans, go take care of it." Robin said sadly.

* * *

><p>Ace was trying to enjoy a PB&amp;J sandwich that he had decidedly fallen in love with when he felt the weirdest sensation before appearing above Raven and Beast Boy, the former who took an impossibly long step to the side and didn't appear to have a mouth.<p>

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" he screamed as he fell with the two Robins. "Dammit Robin! This is what happens when you piss off the creators! We get stuck in hellholes like this!"

"Calm down Ace." Beast Boy said in Raven's voice.

"And what the fuck is wrong with your voice?!" He asked in a most confused manner.

"He didn't have a mouth so he took mine." Said Raven in Cyborg's voice.

"Alright, this is all too fucking weird," Ace decided "So, what the literal fuck is going on here?" he asked, seeing the city turned into a giant cartoon world.

"Yeah, this looks like something that should be on my Grandma's fridge." Cyborg agreed.

"Oo, me and Robin broke reality." Larry answered giddily.

Ace's eye twitched, "You. _Broke _reality?" he asked, still twitching.

"Yep, me and Robin did." Larry answered, oblivious of the pure malice being sent his way.

"I'm going to go insane." Robin said.

"Ditto." Raven deadpanned as her hair changed into something out of a 90's cartoon.

"My outfit's different. Why is my outfit different." And so it was, with a majority white and black details.

Starfire giggled as her head grew wings and flew off her body. Ace looked over to see a huge streak of light coming out of Titan's tower, the only building not cartoonified,

"Well, that should be relatively easy to get to." Robin stated as Ace looked at him with a mix of horror and hate. Much like with Mad Mod.

On cue, a giant cartoon Godzilla came towards them.

"Never mind." Raven said with as much dismay for Robin as Ace.

"RUN!" Ace screamed.

The Titans booked it, apparently momentarily forgetting that they had fought things much larger and dangerous than they thing that did look like something Cyborg had drawn as a child _without_ the added enigma that was Ace. They hadn't even notice Beast Boy disappear in their haste.

Huddling down in an alcove, Robin motioned to the Titans to stay quiet. Until the idiot Beast Boy came running by, chasing a pole that had a mouth.

"Titans… we… should go." Ace whispered.

Then the Godzilla ripped the top of their hiding place off.

"RUN!" Ace repeated frantically.

It wasn't long until they mysteriously crossed the ocean to the pathway leading up to the tower.

"Oh look, Beast Boy found his mouth." Cyborg said.

"I think you put it on wrong." Raven realized.

"!gniyas m'I tahw dnatsrednu t'nac I !PLEH" Beast Boy yelled angrily.

**One Tower Climb Later**

The Titans took an insanely idiotic moment to goggle at the beacon of light.

"I could look at that all day." Beast Boy said, his mouth magically fixed.

"Now all we need to do is turn it off." Robin said.

"No you're not," Rancid said standing on an air conditioner, "That thing controls all this, and I'm going to get it." He said before jumping into the light.

The city went under a major change: The buildings became dark and crooked, the sky darkened; it was just awful.

"Cool," Raven said, "Uh, I mean, oops." She corrected as the others looked at her curiously.

"Bird Boy! Ready for me to clip your other wing?" Rancid said, punching his own fist, "Your city is mine. Your reality is mine!" he let out an oddly familiar burst of insane laughter, lightning dramatically punctuating his statement.

He pulled two gun-like weapons out and shot at Robin, who was knocked out of the way by Cyborg shooting his cannon. The weapons created a large explosion. Raising his hands with electricity coming out of them, he summoned his bike.

"C'mon, Bird Boy, let's see if you can fly." Rancid said as he jumped on his bike which flew away with flames coming out behind it.

"I'm taking that bike." Ace said bluntly.

"Titans Go!" Cyborg oddly said this time.

Pointing his hand at the bike, it shot off with a coil behind it. Grabbing onto the bike's back wheel, he was pulled out to sea.

Ace and the two Robins watched as the other three Titans followed Cyborg and Rancid.

"Why aren't you going to follow them?" Robin asked.

Ace boredly turned to his leader, "I'm waiting."

"Titans go! Titans go! Robin has to beat the bad guy!" Larry said excitedly, interrupting any further explanation on Ace's part.

"I can't." Robin muttered forlornly.

Larry cocked his head, "But why can't you? You're Robin!"

"Don't you get it?!" Robin exclaimed. "Look at me! I'll just mess it up again!"

"So?" Larry countered with a raised brow. "I mess up all the time! But I still try. That's how come you're my hero Robin. Because no matter what, you always try."

Robin smiled as Larry conjured the R-Bike with two extra seats.

"You coming?!" Larry asked the white-robed anti-hero.

"I'm waiting." Ace repeated stubbornly.

The two Robins shrugged and took off after the others.

* * *

><p>"How does it feel, to be beat by a little kid." Robin asked the now normal Rancid who was firmly planted into the ground.<p>

"Ugh." Was all he was able to say.

Robin watched as Rancid's bike fell to the ground.

"Got it!" Ace yelled as he ran by, comically catching the large bike than running off screen.

Robin blinked.

* * *

><p>"Come Cyborg!" Ace yelled out to Cyborg.<p>

"Is it time?" the older teen asked cryptically.

"It is." They left towards the garage, leaving the other Titans confused.

**Five Hours Later**

"Titans," Ace said over the intercom, "We request your presence down in the garage."

The teens, not including Ace and Cyborg, joined the other two.

"Now," Cyborg began, "Let me introduce to you, the newest addition to the Titan Garage™!" he said before ripping a blanket off of a black and white bike.

"Is that… Rancid's bike?" Raven asked with a lazy eyebrow raised.

"Why yes, yes it is," Ace said, coming out of nowhere, "Of course me and Cyborg have spent the last few hours upgrading it."

"We really upgraded everything," Cyborg said, arms crossed proudly. "Don't know how Rancid got around on it without it falling apart. Of course, we had to redo the color scheme."

"I call it 'Lemmy'." Ace said, moving his hands dramatically.

"So, does the bike of motors work?" Starfire asked.

The two teens looked at each other.

"Uhhhhh, we… don't know." Cyborg said honestly.

"But it's never too late to try!" Ace said enthusiastically before grabbing Raven and speeding off.

* * *

><p>She spent <em>most<em> of the time screaming as he sped by at an unholy speed, making every corner unnecessarily sharp. His eyes trailed to a nearby truck that had its back removed and tilted upwards.

"Don't you do it." Raven warned.

"It's too late: I've already narrowed my eyes." He said before hitting that makeshift ramp, sending the pair flying.

The two returned later.

"Did you two have fun on your date?" Beast Boy teased before seeing Raven's oddly malleable hair a huge mess. He laughed, which caused the others to laugh as well.

"So, how's it run?" Cyborg asked between breaths.

Ace made a 'pfft' sound, "Just awesome."

The alert then went off.

"Titans, crime is afoot!" Robin said dramatically.

"I always thought crime was a leg, bro." Ace joked.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!" Him, Cyborg, and BB yelled as they mysteriously, without moving their legs, moved off.

* * *

><p>The Titans arrived later to see the hated one (Aurum) standing in the middle of the street, cracking his knuckles.<p>

"Hahaha, I guess you guys already forgot what a beating I gave you all last time. I'll have to teach it again." The large man monologued. The Titans looked unimpressed.

"Wait, where is the robed one?" he asked obnoxiously loudly before being encompassed by a bombardment off napalm grenades.

Robin attached a hose to a nearby fire hydrant. "Hey Aurum, what happens to hot metal that is rapidly cooled?" he said before spraying the water at him.

And like that, the large metal man was scrubbed.

* * *

><p>They were taking a nice relaxing ride. Something that Ace was enjoying more than the others.<p>

"Ok… so why do ducks make such good comedians?" Beast Boy began, already snickering. "Because they always quack out a good joke! Hahaha." BB failed at joking.

"Pull over, I'm going to be sick." Raven said truthfully.

"Oh I see, it is funny because ducks do not have the brain capacity to make jokes, hehehe." Starfire giggled.

"Actually Star, it's just not funny." Robin said softly.

"Because, Beast Boy doesn't have the brain capacity to make jokes." Raven droned.

"Come on Rae, you know I'm hilarious. And I won't give up till I make you smile." He was silent for a moment in 'deep' thought. "Alright, why did the aardvark cross the road?" Beast Boy asked.

"To beat up the idiot telling jokes about him?" Raven deadpanned.

Ace, Robin, and Cyborg shared a laugh at that.

"Ahaha, idiot telling jokes about him…" Cyborg said, still laughing.

"Now _that's_ funny." Robin agreed.

Ace hummed in agreement as well.

The ride returned to a comfortable silence as Ace rode his new motorbike, Lemmy, down the road with the other Titans drove alongside him in the T-Car.

Of course, this is also an action story, so that couldn't stay.

The two vehicles were roughly pushed over by a large rock at an intersection, Ace and his bike taking the blunt of the attack. He sat up, putting a hand to his bloody mask, sure that he had a concussion. Attempting to stand up, he immediately fell back down, almost knocked back unconscious. Looking around he noticed the battered Titans standing across the street from Terra.

"Titans, retreat!" Robin yelled.

Cyborg ran over and picked him up, slinging him over his shoulder.

**Back At the Tower**

"Urgh... I should have blasted her when I had the chance." Cyborg said while picking rocks out of his systems.

"I should have hit her with everything I've got." Raven added miserably.

"Why did I permit her to fool me again?" Starfire agreed, just as miserable.

"Why couldn't we take her down just like every other criminal?" Robin asked.

"Because she's not just another criminal. She's Terra. She was a Titan. She was...our friend." Beast Boy said, looking confused.

"Bullshit," Ace said from his position away from the group. "She _is_ a criminal. She's just as much of a criminal as Slade, and just as much of a criminal as Overload. She wasn't a Titan, and she wasn't your friend. So get over it." He snorted.

"He's right," Raven agreed, "Terra was never our friend. She was a liar and a spy. Trained by Slade and sent to destroy us. She's evil. Always has been. Always will be."

"You don't know what you're talking about, okay, Raven! She's made some serious mistakes, but she's not-"

"Hey, man, the girl wrecked my car. Seems pretty evil to me." Cyborg halfheartedly joked.

Beast Boy flipped a table in anger, "This isn't a joke! I knew her better than anyone! I know all the terrible things she's done and I know exactly how messed up she is. But she's not evil! We can't just give up on her!"

"Are you blind, jackass?" Ace began, pushing off of the wall in fury. "Not evil my ass! She tried to _kill_ us. She's not coming back, and you need to step up and face it." Ace finished, looking down at Beast Boy.

BB pushed the tall Titan back. "Shut up Ace! Just because you don't like her, and that you were right, doesn't mean she's the- the friggin' _Joker!_" he yelled.

"Beast Boy, she's working for Slade." Robin said reasonably

"When you were working for Slade, did we give up on you?" Beast Boy growled out pointedly.

Robin looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Don't you do it Robin…" Ace warned.

"She gets one last chance! One!" Robin exclaimed, sounding like he was going against his better judgement. "We have to break Slade's grip on her! We have to try to get Terra back!" he said.

"Are you fucking me?!" Ace yelled. "She. Is not. Coming back. She is not in Slade's grip. _She's there on her own volition._" Ace growled. At the looks of pleading and exasperation from the others, he snarled. "I am surrounded by imbeciles!" He screamed as he walked away.

The alarm went off.

"Trouble!" Starfire said.

* * *

><p>Ace was driving his bike with Raven flying next to him. Turning their communicators on, they listened to Robin give the rundown, "We've got three escaped criminals attacking three different places. Whatever Slade's doing, we have to split up and stop it."<p>

"Robin and I shall take Cinderblock." Starfire said.

"Ace and I can take Overload." Raven said.

"And Beast Boy and I can deal with Plasmus." Cyborg agreed.

"What about Terra?" BB asked sincerely.

"We'll have to deal with her when this is over." Robin said.

Later, Ace and Raven arrived at what appeared to be technological holding… area. Whatever.

Ace looked at her, "This place has pipes running through the walls. If you can get to them, we can end this early."

She nodded. Phasing the two of them inside, they were greeted by Overload standing in the middle of the room. Focusing for a minute, Raven executed their plan, "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" She yelled, pipes coming through the walls and soaking Overload until all that was left was his chip.

Kneeling down, Ace picked up the now useless chip. "Something's not right. Why would he purposefully come to a place that would allow us to defeat him so _easily?_" he pondered out loud.

Then, a mud hose came out of the pipes and hit the two of them, knocking Ace back and against a wall. Waking up moments later, he saw a wholly demonic Raven trying to get to an elevated Terra, only for her to be dragged down into the mud.

"RAVEN NO!" he yelled as he ran towards them. As he ran his steps became slower and slower until he reached them when he was stopped fully. Preparing to grab a deck of cards, the mud came over his hands, and slowly moved upwards.

"Aw, what's the matter Ace? Stuck?" She taunted. "How does it feel, knowing that you were always right, and yet, they never believed you. You were always the odd one out, the untrusted one, while I _immediately_ clicked," She clicked her tongue in emphasis. "With all of them, even Raven," she said, looking over her shoulder where Rae was drowned in the mud. "Now; _Die_." She snarled as she covered his head in the mud.

She stood there for a minute, smirking to herself when the mud around his arms exploded outwards, his hands poised to throw a deck of cards. Panicking, she quickly recovered him in mud and solidified it. Sighing, she watched the statue for a moment in trepidation. Deciding that he wasn't going to get free and kill her, she walked off.

* * *

><p>Inside of the statue, Ace was finalizing his plan. He knew that she would have frozen the mud if he tried to escape, so he embedded a charge in between himself and the outside. He decided that a 42% chance of survival was good enough. Bracing himself, the explosive went off, hurling him into the wall.<p>

"Ow, ow, ow, yep… that hurt." He muttered to himself, holding his chest.

Stumbling to a standing position, he walked into the mud, searching for Raven. After a minute, he found her and carried her to a shallow spot. Giving a sigh to himself, he performed CPR until she leaned forwards a spat mud out for a good minute.

"Ace?" she said quietly.

"Yo." He replied with a wave of his hand. Sitting up, she hugged him in gratitude. When she pulled back, she had focused herself to neutrality again.

"As heartwarming as this is, we really need to find the others." He said. She nodded.

Picking her up, he threw her arm over his shoulder and walked to the general direction of Robin and Starfire. At least he was hoping it was the general direction. Seeing the signs of a battle, he set Raven down and searched for a bit. Eventually he found a makeshift rock formation. Pulling it apart, he found a broken Robin. Pulling him back to Raven, he nodded at her. Understanding, she put her glowing white hands on Robin.

Standing there for a moment, Ace walked off to find where Starfire ended up. After a few minutes, he absently walked to a cliff. Looking down, he was shocked to see Starfire in the water. Walking back to Raven, he picked her up and led her to the cliff side. "Think you can fly down there and get her?" he asked her.

Nodding, she flew down and picked Starfire up. Taking her back, she put her next to Robin and healed her as well.

"So, I healed them, but I think that Robin might be comatose." She said wearily.

"Hm, give me a minute." Walking over to Robin, he looked at him for a moment. Leaning down to his face, he whispered into his leader's ear. "Batman had sex with Starfire."

Robin gasped and sat up quickly, "Batman did_ what_?" he asked, outraged.

"I'm just shitting with ya, she's fine." Ace said with a snort. Robin looked over at Starfire then sighed and lay back down.

"Alright, how many do we got?" he asked Ace.

"Well, Raven and I, and you two. We still haven't found the others-" The anti-hero began.

"We're right here." Came a miserable voice.

"Oh, heyo BB!" Ace said cheerfully.

"We need to get to a safe position, then you can make fun of each other." Robin said.

The Titans gathered in a secret tunnel underneath the Tower. No one knew it was there. It was actually kinda weird, I mean, Cyborg has this (somewhat) amazing security system that can detect anything anywhere near the island, and yet, it never even appeared.

"No more chances." Robin said.

"No more trust." Starfire added.

"And no more mercy." Raven said.

"She's just another criminal." Beast Boy said.

"And we are going to stop her, no matter what it takes." Robin ended menacingly.

"Alright guys," Ace said chipperly, breaking the chain. "You need to face Terra. I need _someone_ to plant this," Ace said, showing a small tracking device, "We can re-avenge ourselves later; right now we need to find Slade. I'll be watching from here. Once we get it to her, we'll need her to take us to him. I'll follow her as she gets there. I need anyone that can follow her to do so." Ace said, facing away from the Titans and looking at a laptop he had managed to snag from the Tower.

* * *

><p>He watched in glee, from Cyborg's eye, as the other Titans at first successfully dodged her attacks, and then went on the offensive and thoroughly wrecked her. She ran away.<p>

His eyes widened in surprise as Cinderblock, Plasmus, and Overload appeared and then mixed into one huge creature. After defeating him, an army of Slade-bots came out. Looking at his GPS, he noticed that while Terra had run off, the tracker was still with the Titans. Grounding his teeth, he noticed that Beast Boy wasn't with them. Yelling infuriatedly, he left the cave.

"We're going to need a bigger jail." Raven jokingly referenced.

"Where's BB?" Ace asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"Uh... five kilometers east and eight-hundred meters below the surface." Robin said, checking his communicator.

"Dammit!" Ace swore before running

* * *

><p>As they arrived at the cavemonastery hideout of Slade's, they noticed Terra holding a stalagmite over Beast Boy.

"STOP!" Robin yelled, the Titans collecting around the two, preparing to attack Terra.

"Strike, apprentice! Now!" Slade yelled.

"Terra, no!" Robin yet again yelled.

"It'll be the last thing you'll ever do!" Raven said, appearing behind Terra.

"I gave you an order! Do it!" Slade commanded.

"Please, Terra, no!" Starfire pleaded.

"Don't do it! Don't do it!" Cyborg warned.

"Listen to us, Terra!" Robin said desperately.

"You're not playing around here!" Cyborg said.

"Fight it!" Raven yelled.

"You're still our friend!" Starfire said.

"You don't have to do this!" Robin yelled.

"We want to help!" Starfire yelled again.

"It's your life, Terra. Your choice. It's never too late to change." Beast Boy said softly.

"Sorry, Beast Boy- for everything I've done." Terra said, looking quite a bit like a kicked puppy. Clenching her fist, Ace's eyes widened. Yelling, she threw the rock at Slade.

Looking back at her, Slade's eye narrowed. "You ungrateful little bitch!" he said, before running at her. Raising a column beneath both of them, she took the battle to the air, out of the Titan's view. After a few minutes, the top of the nearest column glowed, before Slade was pushed off into the lava, her attack creating a chain reaction the turned the mountain into an active volcano.

"Terra's power! It's triggered a volcano!" Robin gasped.

"Big enough to take out the whole city! And WAY too big to stop!" Cyborg agreed, checking his arm.

Raven blocked a wave of lava that almost hit them, "We have to get out of here!" she said. The Titans, with the exception of Ace and BB, ran a ways ahead. Watching Beast Boy and Terra hug, Ace grabbed onto the former and pulled him away.

The last thing they heard was Terra's yell as her power exploded behind him.

**The Next Day**

The Titans walked on the pathway that led to the now solidified Terra, Starfire placed a bouquet of roses at the statue's feet.

"I shall miss you friend." She said.

"We'll be searching for a way to reverse the effect." Raven added.

"We'll bring her back." Robin agreed.

"Someday." Cyborg added.

Beast Boy placed a plaque at the statue's feet that read 'Terra. A Teen Titan. A True Friend.' "I'll never forget you." He said, before walking away with the others.

Watching their retreating backs, Ace looked back at the statue. Kneeling down, he put a playing card next to the bouquet, "You did good, kid. You did good." Walking away, he looked back at the statue and the card.

It was a Joker's card.

**A/N: I… apologize for the very late chapter. I didn't get a chance to work on it over the weekend, but you guys don't care, right? Right. But now I have two stories to do! Fuck!**

****Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!****

**Anyways,**

**As always: R&R, LOL,**

**-Pimp Daddy Infernokota**


	11. Guys' Night Out

"**I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know… hunting elephants.'"**

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I'm getting real fucking tired of typing it. Look it up.**

_One thing that my mother most definitely handed down to me was my horror movie veteran-ship..._

The Titans were gathered outside of Ace's door. He had locked himself inside and wept for the past hour.

"Ace… you can let us in." Robin said.

He sobbed in response.

"Hey man, I know what it's like, but sometimes you've gotta let it go." Cyborg tried.

He started crying louder again.

"Come Ace, we wish to comfort you!" Starfire also tried.

The sobbing stopped for about… 3 nanoseconds until he burst out again.

"We'll eat all of the food." Raven deadpanned. The crying stopped.

After a moment, door opened as Ace stepped out, tears somehow visible on his mask.

"It's ok guys… I just miss her so much." Ace said slowly.

Cyborg put a comforting arm around his shoulder, "Hey man, listen, you don't need her anymore, we can get you another one, even better." Ace looked up,

"You really think so?" Ace whispered hopefully.

Cyborg nodded somberly. "I know so."

Ace was thoughtful for a moment before he bumped knuckles with Cyborg and they walked away.

"I do not understand, it is just a motor-bicycle." Starfire realized.

Robin put his hand on her shoulder, "To some guys, it's a lot more."

* * *

><p>Ace sat down with Cyborg in the garage.<p>

"So, what are we doing again?" Ace asked.

Cyborg picked up some unrecognizable part. "We're going to build you a brand new bike, even _better_ than Lemmy."

Ace's eyes lit up at that, "_Better_?"

Cyborg looked into the smaller teen's eyes with conviction. "Better."

**-Two Days Later-**

"TITANS!" Cyborg shouted out frantically from the garage.

The other four Titans rushed to the garage where Ace and Cyborg were.

"What's going on?" Robin asked frantically.

"We… have finished." Ace said mysteriously.

"You're… kidding right." Raven deadpanned.

"We thought that there was an emergency." Robin said, irritated.

"Well, it was an emergency. But we fixed it." Ace said smugly. Turning behind him, he threw the tarp off of the new bike.

"Wow." Raven said, apparently legitimately surprised.

"You guys built this… in two days?" Robin said, amazed.

"Yep. No sleep." Ace said. He then smiled a very Joker-like smile, "Who wants to test it with me? Rae?" looking around, he noticed the empath missing, "Ah well. Wanna race?"

Cyborg and Robin smiled.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, it goes so fast!" Ace yelled, Robin and Cyborg next to him.<p>

"I know!" Robin shouted above the wind.

"What did you do?!" Ace shouted towards Cyborg.

"It's normal speed is most bikes' nitro." Cyborg said back, comfortable within his car.

* * *

><p>They arrived back at the tower minutes later. Which is pretty admirable, considering they were half way across Jump during that conversation.<p>

"That. Was a rush." Ace said, out of breath.

"Yes. Yes it was." Robin replied.

"Hey, listen, I was thinking about the four of us, me, you guys, and Beast Boy all just had a night out, relax, take a load off." Ace suggested, "Let the girls take the scanner, and if they don't want to, let the police actually do something."

"That would be awesome." Cyborg sighed.

"Well… it would be irresponsible." Robin said unsurely, Batman's training causing him to be always vigilant.

"I'll tell Starfire you denied a vacation day." Ace threatened.

Robin narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't."

"I would. Cyborg would back me up." Ace said, crossing his arms, Cyborg hm'ing in agreement.

"Ugh, fine. I'll take a night off." Robin conceded, his arms slouched.

"See? Was that so hard?" Ace said, patting his leader's shoulder

"Get it over with." Robin gritted out.

* * *

><p>The three teens were gathered in the main lobby, checking out their outfits.<p>

"I'm going to get so much tail." Beast Boy joked, straightening his bowtie.

"Prepare for a whole lot of 'nope'." Ace said teasingly, passing by looking for his white vest, "Has anyone seen my vest?"

"I'm still looking for my tuxedo." Robin sighed.

"Did we even get Cyborg a suit?" Beast Boy asked.

"Yeah!" Cyborg shouted from his room.

Beast Boy scratched his jaw. "Huh."

"Has anyone seen the girls?" Ace asked. This caused the three to stop.

"Actually, I haven't seen them since earlier today." Robin amended.

"Someone should go check their rooms." Ace said.

They all looked at each other.

"Rock, paper, scissors." Ace offered.

Ace pulled out rock against the two's scissors, which made them play another game, Robin beating Beast Boy.

Ace smirked. "Robin gets Star, and BB gets Rae. And I don't have to do anything."

Robin and Beast Boy left to their assigned rooms. Attempting to open Raven's door, BB was immediately pushed back and the door slammed shut. Opening Starfire's door, it was shut with an audible "EEK!"

Ace peaked into the hallway, "What's goin' on?"

"I don't know." Robin sighed.

Walking back to the main room, they sat down with a sigh.

"What's taking Cy' so long?" Beast Boy asked.

"I have no idea." Ace realised.

"Ugh. This is just a clusterfuck." Robin swore.

"Are we still waiting on friend Cyborg?" Starfire asked from behind the couch. Turning, Robin recognized the pink dress she wore from the prom with Kitten. Good memories.

To her left stood Raven, cloaked pulled over herself.

"I'm going to assume you're wearing a dress as well?" Ace stated.

Parting her cloak slightly, Raven revealed a black dress.

"Huh." Ace was really wondering where she got a dress. He could've sworn she didn't have one when he was still pranking them.

"Screw this; I'm going to get Cy." Beast Boy stormed off into the direction of Cyborg's room. After a few minutes of idle chatter between the four, they were shocked by a ear-piercing scream. Rushing to the source, they were shocked to see a prone Cyborg on the floor, systems off and parts strewn everywhere.

"What happened." Robin asked, shocked.

"I don't know, I just came in here and found him like this." Beast Boy said, looking like he was on the verge of crying.

"Oh my G'lufnog…" Starfire gasped.

"Is he…" Ace started horrified.

"Yes…" BB cried.

Robin's look turned deadly, "Then there's someone in the Tower, and they hurt one of our friends. We need to find them. _Now_." Robin growled.

"Thank you, Batman." Ace muttered under his breath.

"This isn't a time for joking!" BB yelled, startling the others. "My best friend is dead! And his murderer is still in the Tower."

The others shakily nodded.

"Alright. We need to split up." Robin ordered.

"No. Nonononononononono." Ace let out quickly. "No for so many reasons. Haven't you ever seen a horror movie before?! No, we stay together." Ace finished loudly.

Robin slowly nodded.

Walking out of the room, they all huddled together, frightened.

Walking to the lobby, they split apart each searching a different spot. After a few minutes of searching, they heard a muffled scream. Looking to the side, they saw a black hooded figure pulling Raven into the shadows. Rushing to them, they found Raven and the figure gone.

"OhmygodittookRae." Ace whispered.

They looked at him, "What?"

"Never mind. Whatever you do, don't leave the group." Ace warned.

They jumped at the sound of something making a noise in the basement. Walking to its door, they looked down the stairwell.

"I am not going down there." Starfire whimpered.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeah… count me out." Ace whispered.

"Titans, whatever _it_ is is down there." Robin scolded. The two looked at each other for a moment.

"Fine." Ace let out, patting Star's shoulder comfortedly.

Walking down the basement stairs, they jumped at each little sound. Reaching the bottom, they all suspiciously looked around.

"AH!" Beast Boy screamed, being roughly dragged up the stairs by the torn robe wearing figure.

"BEAST BOY, NO!" Robin screamed.

Rushing back up the stairs, they were yet again surprised by the nothingness. The three remaining Titans looked at each other.

Walking forwards, they legitimately huddled together, all shivering.

"I do not wish to die." Starfire whispered.

"You're not going to die Star. I'll make sure of it." Robin said softly.

All the sudden, the figure jumped out of the shadows, slicing Starfire's throat who immediately fell as her throat bled.

"NO!" Robin screamed as he ran at the figure. The robed thing ducked beneath his kick and backhanded him. Running at it, Ace had whipped his brass knuckles out and tried to hit it. It hit his arm in two places, making an audible snap. Moving it's arm, it sliced his other arm. Running towards the down Robin, he kneeled as it came towards them slowly.

"Robin, I'm scared." Ace whispered, holding his broken arm.

"I am too." Robin whispered as well, dazed by the force of the hit.

As the killer reached them and prepared to slash it's knife, Ace looked over at Robin, "You shouldn't be, Because you're on Scare Tactics." The killer froze.

"I am?" Robin gasped.

"No, but it _was_ a prank." Ace admitted and stood up, bending his 'broken' arm perfectly fine.

"What do you mean? So, the other Titans were in on it too?" Robin asked.

Ace smiled and crossed his arms. "That's the best part. They weren't. Other than Cyborg."

Robin was confused.

"Okay, look. The killer," he said, throwing the hood off of it. "Is a training bot. That's why it was such a good fighter. Star? The knife had a sedative on in that immediately knocked her out. It's actually pretty ingenious: It had a small trench on the sharp part that, at the push of a button by moi, would exude fake blood. So she went down, and it looked like she was bleeding."

Robin was still confused, "What about the others?"

"Come." Ace led him back to Cyborg's room. Sitting, playing video games, he was surrounded by the unconscious other two.

"Took ya long enough." Cyborg chided.

"It wasn't that long." Ace defended. Cyborg shrugged.

"So, let me get this straight:" Robin began, putting his hands up. "Cyborg faked his death. Then the robot took Raven and knocked her out. Then it took Beast Boy and knocked him out. Then it convincingly knocked Star out. Then Ace revealed the plan."

They nodded.

"I'm… impressed. You managed to trick me," Robin looked around, "We should probably get them back to their beds."

"Bah, they'll be fine."

They still did it.

* * *

><p>Ace had spent the majority of the next day in his room, ignoring Beast Boy's whining or the other's glares. It was still an awesome prank.<p>

**-That Night-**

Raven and the others were awoken by the sound of scratching and clatter of objects. Walking out to the hallways, she was presented with the others gathered outside of Ace's door. He wasn't there.

Walking towards it, she got the oddest feeling that something was wrong.

"He's probably pranking us again." Beast Boy muttered sourly.

"No… this is real." Raven realized.

Cyborg immediately started slamming into the door, and on the third hit it gave way. Looking in with shock, they gasped at the scene.

The entire room was a mess: all of the items and furniture were ripped, broken, and thrown around. And most surprising of all was the red 'HAHAHAHAHA' adorning the walls. Sitting on his bed curled in a ball and shivering frantically, Ace sat staring at his costume that was ripped to shreds. He looked up at them, black hair framing his face.

They all just stared back in shock.

**A/N: DoctorWhoXX: Let it be known here, and somebody write it down: the one rule for this story, is that for pairings- there are no rules. He could get together with Rae, or he might not. He could get together with her in _dozens_ of chapters. Depends on how I wing it. And I wing it so hard.**

**Link to image of bike: www .essentialstyleformen. . (Obviously without the spaces. )**

**Huh. Short chapter is short. You may have noticed the lack of an actual episode. That's because I was having _so much fun_ with this unique chapter.**

**Did I get you guys to think that I actually killed the Titans? Huh?**

****Review! It gives me happiness and more motivation to write!****

****Unfortunately updates will be uberuberuber slower due to school starting tomorrow. It sucks for everybody.****

**-Tired of quoting the show, Infernokota **


	12. Insane Gods

**"How can you make sure you never miss your target? Shoot first, and whatever you hit, call it the target."**

**-Anonymous **

**Disclaimer: Imma cry… I don't own it… Except for my OCs… Except for Wolf…**

_The best lies are the ones that come from the heart... or was it the pulmonary artery?_

* * *

><p><strong>A camera faultily flickers on as if being hacked, very uncharacteristic for these…<strong>

**Jester sits on Ace's black bed, the room still very much trashed. He is smiling a very Joker-like smile.**

"Why, hello there. I'm coming at you with… another time skip!" He put his hand to his mouth in a fake gasp. "There will be an explanation, don't worry. We will be skipping 'Deception' and 'X'. You all okay with that? Bah, I don't care; we're doing it anyway!"

**He begins laughing before viciously lunging at the camera, shutting it off.**

* * *

><p>"You have so much explaining to do Robin." Beast Boy threatened.<p>

"He is right, what have you kept from us about our friend?" Starfire asked earnestly.

Robin looked crushed, "Okay, okay, you guys deserve the truth. He comes from Gotham." Robin half-lied.

"So what, he has some kinda PTSD thing about the Joker!?" Cyborg about yelled.

"Well… no." Robin winced. Usually he was really good at these kinds of things, but he couldn't throw away their trust of him again.

"What do you mean no!" Cyborg shouted.

Robin sighed, "He… he's the Joker's adopted son…"

They stepped back, "You let a psychopathic criminal into our house!" Beast Boy now yelled.

Robin stood up defensively, "You don't understand, I know how he feels!" They looked shocked, "He was taken in by someone that would end up getting him killed. I know how that feels. There was an… incident and he's suffering from amnesia, his entire life gone. Batman and I had agreed that it would be a good idea to let him go free, live his life away from Arkham. That's not a life a child should live. My guess is that he followed me from Gotham and that's where he is now. I'm assuming that he's having residual memories of his past life and they're breaking through. And you're being children and not helping a trusted friend because he's going through a rough patch…"

They looked down sullenly, ashamed.

"You're right. We should be his friends and help him." Beast Boy said, conveying the general feeling.

"Alright, so what can we do?" Cyborg asked.

* * *

><p>The Titans were worried. Not only for Ace, who had got them out of a jam more times than Robin could count, but for their own safety as well. They had approached him quite a few times, attempting to reach out. Each time ended with a sickly smile and slam of the door, a single word not said to any of them. Another frightening change was his schedule: he would spend an entire day in his room, only to come out for bread, strawberry jam, and peanut butter. It was actually confusing how he survived without water.<p>

They tried to convince him to see a therapist. But it ended violently.

It was _weeks_ until they had heard something from him. After receiving a red alert about Dr. Light being up to his old shenanigans, they were shocked by Ace's door opening up fully, him stepping out. He had exchanged his robe out for a black trench coat with a grey Ace of Spades on the back. Instead of his hood, he let his hair hang loose and had painted his face black with a white skull on it. Needless to say, he looked quite different.

"So, what are we doing?" He asked sincerely, no evidence of the past few weeks.

"Uh…" Robin began, at a loss for words, "We're going after Dr. Light… Are you sure… are you sure you're ready to go?" Robin asked.

"Hm? Oh yes, I'm fine. I'm a little pent up to be honest. And hungry. Oh! We should go get some pizza after this!" Ace yelled happily.

They all looked at each other, not sure what to think.

"Okay…" Robin decided.

* * *

><p>Ace was riding his bike happily besides the others, ignorant to their looks.<p>

"Hey, we got a minor robbery at 2354 Monopoly Drive," Ace called out. "I got it, you guys hurry on to Light, I'll catch up."

They contemplated it for a minute before giving a collective affirmation.

* * *

><p>"Hm. Well, someone's been a naughty boy." Ace teased to the unsuspecting robber.<p>

"Wait… you're that Teen Titan that went missing a while ago," The robber blinked and then realized what he said, "Oh shit, you're a Titan."

Ace smiled and lunged at the man, skillfully hitting his head against the corner of a jewel case. Brutality that would've made Batman proud. The man laid on the floor, groaning in pain. Not letting up Ace pounced on him, beating the man ruthlessly. He hummed a certain little tune before standing back. Fishing through his belt, he snatched a familiar small knife. Smiling again, he once again pounced only to be pulled back by Robin. Looking back, he saw the gathered Titans standing shocked.

"Oops." Ace said, flipping the knife about before putting it back into the belt.

* * *

><p>"Ace," Robin growled out. "You were out of line back there. You tried to <em>kill <em>him. _We_ don't kill. You have one more chance. If you don't, then we will have to get rid of you."

"Hm? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Ace admitted.

Robin gritted his teeth and turned away.

Ace was silent for a moment. "Okay, be that way. I won't bother you anymore."

* * *

><p>"Ace!" The Teen Titans shouted, searching for their lost teammate.<p>

"He's just… gone." Robin sighed.

"Another one…" Beast Boy muttered. The others silently nodded their agreement.

The Titans sighed and sullenly went back to their duties.

* * *

><p>"Victory is at hand," The Brain droned, "And for your part I give you… Robin." The collected crowd of villains cheered as Robin was pushed onto the main platform with the Brain.<p>

"This isn't over." Threatened Robin.

"For you. It most certainly is." The Brain gloated.

As the sickly old man, Professor Chang, turned towards the lever preparing to freeze Robin, the crowd's cheering was overshadowed by one set of sharp claps. Murmuring amongst themselves, the villains parted to let the stranger through. Flashing his purple coat, the pale young man jumped up onto the stage with a flourish. Stepping forwards, he threw the Brotherhood a charismatic smile.

"Jester?" Madame Rouge gasped.

* * *

><p>"Brainy, Brainy," He chided, ignoring her, "How does it feel? To have defeated the Titans? Are you proud? Are you satisfied?" he turned to the crowd behind him, "You are all just a bunch of fuck ups!" They muttered more, "You shouldn't be proud! You defeated a bunch of <em>teenagers<em>! The oldest one is barely legal age! You know what? You can all come back and cheer when you've defeated the _Justice League._"

It was silence.

"In the meantime, you can all kiss my pale ass!" he shouted.

Rouge suddenly laughed

"It is kind of funny isn't it?" He said with another smile.

"It's not that. How do you plan to stop an entire army of villains." She laughed again cruelly, the crowd joining in.

"I'm not going to stop you all," They grew silent at that, "Hell, I'm just the distraction!" this got the Brain's attention.

"Distraction? For what?" at that moment, the groups led by Beast Boy and Cyborg burst in.

The Jester smiled again. "That."

* * *

><p>He watched with glee as the villains were overwhelmed by the teens. After the mayhem was stopped, the villains all frozen, and Beast Boy's bad joke over with, Robin walked forwards, the crowd at his back quiet in apt attention. Reaching in front of the stage where Ace, or Jester, was waiting he stood silent for a moment.<p>

"So, what are you going to do now?" he asked.

The Jester, or Ace as they knew him, grabbed his chin contemplatively. "I'm going back to Gotham. I have much to do."

Robin nodded understandingly before fishing through his belt for something. Finding his communicator, he handed it to the other teen. "Here. Now you can stay in contact with us. Welcome to Titans International."

Taking it tentatively, Jester put his hand forwards. Grabbing it, they embraced to the relieved cheers of the crowd.

"You'll be a good ally."

He was shook out of his happy reverie by a sound so familiar it would always haunt and frighten him until he died.

"HehehehehehehHahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHA!"

Stepping back, he looked in shock at Jester who was bent over in insane laughter. After a few minutes he stood up, amusement gone from his face. "Ohohoho, how wrong you are." He stepped back and threw his arms out, adjusting the purple overcoat's arms. He cleared his throat. "Ahem!" He was silent for a moment. "Unce, unce; _doomsday_!" At the final word, the windows shattered as armed men smashed through them, also coming from the hallways and the hole Cyborg had made.

Tentatively, Robin put his hands up, followed by the rest.

Jester hummed happily, "Tranq them." He ordered. Immediately the men shot, tranqs hitting the teens that could be effected by them and special shots at the ones that couldn't. "Freeze them."

* * *

><p>Standing in front of the rather impressive display of heroes and villains he smiled to himself. Objective One of Project Ace In The Hole was completed.<p>

Leaving the room, he was confronted by a face he hadn't seen for a long time. "Charade!" he shouted. Walking towards him, they shook hands in much the same way as he and Robin had a mere hour ago.

"How are things in Gotham?" Jester continued.

"As thought. Your parents have mostly forgot about you. Batman gave up the search and it's the thought of the general population that Harley and Joker killed you." Charade answered gruffly.

"Hm, It's funny how predictable people are." The Jester said, pulling a pair of gloves on.

"Yes," Charade began. "Well, the men are moving through Jump City to await your orders."

The young psychopath lightly chuckled. "Very good. Civilized maniacs they are."

* * *

><p>"That's it you no good lying, scheming asshole!" Harley shouted at the Joker, "I'm leaving and you can't count on me coming back!"<p>

"I don't need you!" the Joker shouted back, more so for the fun of it than actual anger, "I can get five thousand more like you. You're a dime a dozen! Leave! And don't expect me to take you back when you show up at the door begging me to love you!"

"Yeah, well-" She cut herself off. "Do you hear that?"

"Aw, are we done?" he pouted.

"No wait… somebody's knocking…"

Creeping over to the door, they looked at each other as the knocking came quicker and louder.

Mouthing 'One, two, three' Harley ripped the door open.

"Hi." Was all the Jester said.

Harley squealed and rushed forwards while the Joker's brain began to short out.

_He died,_ He thought._ He got ate by Killer Croc and then butt touched by Two-Face._

No one ever said his train of thought made sense.

"Oh JJ, where have you been?" Harley continued, still squealing.

"Mom, you're smothering me." Playfully pushing her Mom's arms off of him, he turned to his Father.

"Dad. We have _much_ to talk about."

This piqued the Joker's interest. "Well, talk away."

* * *

><p>"You're crazy." The Joker muttered quite hypocritically.<p>

"If Mad Hatter was here he would've said we are all crazy." The Jester countered.

"Well some more than others." The Joker said admittingly.

"So, is the plan ago for you?"

Joker smiled frighteningly, "Oh yes. You know; being a god sounds pretty cool."

**A/N: Plot twist motherfuckers! I'm fucking pumped! I'm back! And I enjoyed the fuck out of this one. Oh god, I've never looked so much forward into anything in my life.**

**If you imagined the Jester's laugh as Mark Hamill's Animated Series Joker laugh, you have my respect.**

**At this point and forwards, Jester's voice actor is now Phil Brooke(s?), AKA CM Punk. Say what you will, he does the cocky anarchist perfectly.**

**REVIEW ALREADY!**

**-Fucking Pumped, Infernokota**


	13. UN of Great Gazoonia

"**The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well."**

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but his Majesty, Ruler of This World, and Sexiest Being Alive, Jester.**

**Not even Wolf.**

_People before you have asked how I was so smart... it's not necessarily brains moreso forethought..._

* * *

><p>Clark Kent was going about his day as usual. He would report to the Daily Planet at a quarter to eight as usual, he said 'Hi' to Perry as usual, he kissed Lois as usual, he endured Jimmy's jokes as usual, and he sat at his desk and continued writing his latest story as usual. He couldn't complain, any day that Darkseid or Doomsday didn't attack, or he didn't get pestered by Mxyzptik or Lobo was a good day indeed.<p>

Of course, this is an action story so that couldn't stay.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooh Clarky-Boy!"

Clark stood up and looked in the general direction of the voice.

"Gotcha, bitch!"

He stumbled forwards at the familiar feeling of kryptonite poisoning his body. Reaching behind him, he ripped the knife out of his back and dropped it.

It was glowing green. Whoever was facing him knew who he was.

"Oh Clark, you didn't forget about little old me already, did you?"

Turning swiftly, he pushed past the person without getting a good look at him. If he wanted to fight, he would get a fight, but only on Superman's terms.

Seeing the figure standing next to his desk, patiently waiting, Superman flew through the window's facing outside and grabbed the man and continued out the other side of the building before dropping the man onto a field. The man rolled over and over before barrel-rolling onto his feet with an extravagant flip.

"Oh, Supes! I didn't know you were coming to the party. I'm sorry, that's a lie. Hell, I'm the one who invited you!"

Superman sighed, "I take it the mind wipe didn't work, Jester?"

The Jester laughed before stretching widely, enjoying the feeling of his old outfit greatly. You can only wear a robe for so long before it gets boring.

"Of course it didn't. Genius, remember?"

Superman's eyes narrowed, "Why would you come and face me head on?"

"Why, I'm waiting for you to fall into my trap!"

Suddenly, the ground beneath Superman gave out startling him. As he fell into a long metal tube, he once again felt the pain of kryptonite, more than likely imbedded into the walls.

Landing on something moderately soft, Superman tiredly looked around in wonder.

"Is this…"

"Why, yes. Looks like Bats _really_ didn't trust you." The Jester said, appearing out of nowhere.

Superman looked at it all, shocked that the Dark Knight had done this without Clark's knowledge, an entire cave filled top to bottom with technology.

"Well, now that you're perfectly ready for the end, let's rub some dirt in your wounds."

He pointed a remote at the Bat-Computer and clicked button a on it.

Clark gasped at the sight, "Are you really…"

"Yes. Yes I am."

On the screen were red dots connected by lines at New York, Los Angeles, Boston, Chicago, Washington D.C., Gotham, Metropolis, Star, Themyscira, Central, Atlantis, Ferris Airport, and… The Watchtower.

"What are… what are you planning?"

The Jester laughed cruelly, "I'm not telling you. Although, you play a majorly important part in my master plan."

Pressing the remote again, a trapdoor opened up beneath Superman, plunging him into a chamber made of even more kryptonite.

"I love you, Lex." Jester cooed before pressing another button. The screams were music to his ears.

* * *

><p>Batman sat in his cave, tiredly putting his hands onto his face. It bothered him how long it had been since the Joker had escaped from Arkham, and he knew that that meant he was planning something big.<p>

He was shaken out of his worried reverie by the urgent beeping of the computer in front of him. On the map, a red dot pulsated squat in the middle of Metropolis. At the site of his secret cave.

Punching in a few keys, he attempted to access the cave's cameras and the feed began for a split second before it dissolved into static and a picture of the Joker's face appeared in the middle of the screen.

"Hello, Batsy! I've missed you!" The Joker yelled, looking ready to give the Batman a hug through the monitor.

"How did you get into my system." Batman growled out, stone faced. He was very happy that he kept his mask on while in the cave.

"Let's say we both underestimated my boyo a hundred percent, hm?"

Batman's eyes widened imperceptibly, "The Jester's back?"

The Joker laughed, "Of course he is, it's his grand scheme."

Batman sighed through his nose, "I'm assuming that Metropolis is your doing?"

The Joker laughed again, "O-o-oh, he's already- hahahahahaha- he's already there…" He bent over in glee, "Call Superman, call him- but put him on speaker phone, I want to hear this!"

Bruce's eyes widened widely now.

Hitting the quick button to Clark's phone, he waited patiently,

"I'm sorry, Clark can't get to the phone right now-" There was a scream in the background, "I'm sorry, he can't come to the phone right now. So get your ass to Metropolis and see him for yourself." The voice ended, borderline hissing.

Batman was already gone.

* * *

><p>Bruce pulled into the Metropolis cave warily and got out of his car.<p>

"Superman?" He called out, ever suspicious.

"B-Bruce…" a weak voice called back.

Running forwards, he turned a corner to see a horrifying sight: Superman was hanging off of a machine, he being pale and thin, his cheeks sunken and his hair excruciatingly thin as well.

"Clark," Batman said, decorum gone, "What's happened-"

"No… no time… you have to- you have to get out…"

It was the next word that frightened Batman to his core,

"Trap…" Superman said before slumping forwards.

"Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Batsy-Poo!"

Batman turned behind him to see the Jester standing confidently.

"So, I killed your best friend, killed your son and his little ragtag team of heroes. I'm two for two right now. Wanna go for three?"

Batman barely registered anything after 'son'. He ran at the teen with pure fury, throwing a volley of batarangs in front of him, which the Jester easily dodged.

Reaching him, Batman swung with all of his might, catching the psychopath squarely in the jaw.

All he did was flinch.

Darting forwards at an impossible speed, he hit the Batman with a downwards hit, a resounding thud following it.

The hit sent Bruce into the ground, making an impossible dent.

Well, it was obvious to the Batman what had happened.

"You… stole Clark's powers." He said, thankful that the Jester only put a little force into it.

"Bingo, buckaroo." The Jester said with a smile.

The clown grabbed Batman by his throat and flew upwards quickly, bursting through the roof of the cave.

Looking down on Metropolis, the Jester smiled at the Batman once again, "Want to go on a test run?"

Dashing forwards, he continuously skimmed buildings and shot lasers at people's feet, although curiously enough he didn't kill anybody.

"Okay, that was boring, wanna just skip to the main events?"

* * *

><p>Selina Kyle wasn't necessarily doing anything. Sure, she had shot Bruce down on that fancy-shmancy charity ball, but sometimes a girl just needs some me-time, you know?<p>

So, sitting down with a bowl of cereal, she lazily flipped through the channels until she came across something that perked her interest,

"Ladies and gentlemen of the United States, we interrupt your scheduled programming for an emergency announcement."

The screen cut to the president of the United States, the collected members of the U.N. behind him.

He looked absolutely angered beyond belief, the world leaders behind him looking the same.

"My fellow Americans, and the rest of the world. We have a crisis-"

"Okay, you've already bored me, so I'm going to take over for you, mmkay?"

Suddenly the president went flying into the crowd, a new man taking his place.

Selina dropped her spoon, "No shit?"

The Jester smiled into the camera, "Hello, civilians. I'm here to give you a little heads up about the events taking place in the next few months. This… is a hostile takeover. You're all my families' bitches until someone manages to dethrone us, or till the sun supernovas and kills us all. The men and women behind me are now political prisoners, as is the governmental processes behind each and every country in this world. Don't worry, nothing will happen to you little britches-soilers, on one condition: you bring me all of the superheroes. I want the Justice League, I want the freelance agents, I want the anti-heroes, I want the heroes of the future. I. Want. Them all. I have plans for this universe, starting with here then I want Oa, and every other sentient planet out there. Then we can start taking over other dimensions, ooh I'm looking forwards to those. Now, your former leaders are going to put on a little island called Alcatraz. Mines have been placed in the water and they will remain there, even when the ice comes and covers up that bay."

He stepped back.

"We don't have to listen to you!" One brave (see: idiotic) revolutionary said from off screen.

The Jester sighed and turned to the man, quickly blasting him with duel beams of light coming out of his eyes killing the man instantly.

Jester sped off screen for a moment before returning with a beaten and wrecked Batman, mask perfectly fine.

"We have the first two heroes, Batman and Superman. I have the abilities of the latter, and your little revolutions will be quickly and ruthlessly crushed beneath my superhuman iron fist, savvy?"

The crowd presumably nodded.

"Very well. Remember, superheroes, chop-chop."

He crouched low before springing upwards, through the roof.

Selina watched the screen with wide eyes.

And that dick cat had taken her cereal.

**Twelve Months Later**

The Jester sat comfortably in his chair to the left of his father's, his mother's to the Joker's right.

Standing up, he walked to the newly placed balcony attached to Arkham, the Joker's home base. While it was Jester's plan that gave them the world, it was Joker who owned it.

Ninety-eight heroes. That was the grand total that the United Nation of Great Gazoonia (Joker had come up with that one) had collected

He was the military general, or so to say. There wasn't really that much of an army mostly Joker thugs, and he was seriously considering starting a draft of some sort.

One thing that worried him was the lack of superheroes. Sure they got the big ones like Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman, but there was just too many less famous ones missing.

He was sure that they were simply hiding out somewhere, gathering strength to strike back. He was comfortable with the fact that even if they could overthrow the empire, he could kill most of them with his bare hands.

* * *

><p>"Go." Vigilante said, rushing forwards with a group of other superheroes behind him.<p>

Rushing across the street, they turned to their savor with praise,

"Thanks, little lady." He said with a tip of his hat.

"No problem." The blue eyed girl with long blonde hair replied, before leading them into the factory.

"This is them?" Vigilante asked, conveying the groups general thought.

"Yep." She replied awfully cheerfully.

"How do we get them out?"

"This button over here." She said, walking to the aforementioned button.

"Okay, I gotta go now. Make sure to only let the guys that I picked out out, okay?"

"No problem, missy. And thanks again for all of the help."

She smiled and walked away, stealing a look at one of the captured heroes.

"Well, boys get to work."

And so they did, releasing all of the captured heroes, an impressive feat in itself.

"Hold up, kid. Give me your arm." He said to one in particular.

"I'm fine." He said quietly, yet stubbornly.

"No, you're not. You've been out for quite a while. Swallow your pride and give me your hand."

The hero relented for a moment before extending his arm, of which Vigilante grabbed by the wrist.

"You've been out a long time, partner. And we need your help getting it back to the way the world was when you were in commission."

"What do you mean?"

"Jester. He's gone out of his mind and taken over everything. World's gone to hell." He answered sourly.

"Okay… what now-"

"They're in here!" A gruff voice sounded from a ways away, armed men filing in.

"Balls," Vigilante swore, "Listen, you gotta get out of here. Take your team and leave the city. Head to Gotham. You'll be safe there."

"But-" The man began.

"No buts, you idgit. Now go." Vigilante ordered.

He took his ragtag group of superheroes and led them to the doorway, them preparing their various weapons.

He looked back at the young hero.

"Go."

Robin nodded once.

* * *

><p>"Alright team, this is our shot. We can win. We can do this. If we can get at least Batman, maybe Superman, then we can get this place back together." Robin said confidently.<p>

The teens shouted loudly.

Kicking the door to Arkham open, the main base of the Jokers and where the heroes were being kept.

Instead of the security force they had been expecting, the madhouse's halls were eerily quiet and deserted, nothing inhabiting them.

Walking blindly forwards, Robin realized how scared his team was.

He was too, despite his history with this place and its occupants.

Still continuing on their way, they could've sworn that they had been hearing things, but it was probably nothing.

Reaching the cafeteria, he realized it had been changed into a theater, a stage constructed at the front.

Standing on it with a curtain behind his back was the Jester.

"Brava, Robin and friends. You've been brave and made it this far and I commend you for that. Unfortunately, your journey ends here."

Raising his hands, the curtains behind raised to reveal an impressive amount of figures, all appearing to be inmates at Arkham. Of course, the odd supercriminal could be picked out among the crowd.

The Jester smiled maliciously,

"Now you're in the world of wolves and we welcome all you sheep."

**A/N: Damn, this was a long time in the making. So, what do ya'll think of the plot twist? Whatever. Is the end to evilly campy? Answers, I need answers dammit! That's another thing, not a lot of swearing in this one.**

**Anyhaps, hope this one was good. It's been a damn long time since I've uploaded, hasn't it.**

**I will get on my knees and beg you all if I have to... review... please...**

**LOL, R&R**

**-Jester's Bitch, Infernokota**


	14. How the Mighty Fall

"**If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door."**

**- Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: Uh… yeah… No... No Wolf?**

_Did you know it's possible to go for 1,835 days without human interaction and still remain sane? I didn't either..._

* * *

><p>The Jester sat back in a throne situated on the stage, comfortably watching the scuffle beneath him. Oh sure, they defeated the run of the mill psychos with laughable ease and the legitimate villains did do well, but he suspected that the numbers of the Titans could defeat them sooner or later. Being the Joker's son could only get you so far.<p>

_I should probably send Clark's family a gift basket. Or maybe wine, _he thought nonchalantly, _or maybe a gift basket _with_ wine._

He watched lazily as Killer Croc was tackled by a large amount of the teens, disappearing completely. Stretching, he yawned and lazily looked to his left to see the barest semblance of a black and yellow cape fluttering out a service door. He scratched his chin and sighed before lazily getting up and following the Boy Wonder through the door. "Oooooooooooooooooooh Bobby-Poo!" He called out.

* * *

><p>Robin's leg began to hurt; a lunatic that he suspected might have been Zsasz having cut his calf. But he couldn't stop running, if Vigilante's information had been right, the captured heroes were gathered here in the asylum.<p>

Turning the corner, he faltered at the Jester calmly lighting a cigarette with a zippo lighter.

"You know, smoking's bad for you." The clown said, more than likely quite aware of the irony.

Robin didn't say anything.

The Jester tsk'd. "Bobby, you should know better than brood all the time. Otherwise you end up like Batsy."

Robin blinked, knowing that the villain was trying to bait him.

"No words?" The Jester asked.

Robin's detective training kicked in and he noticed the coiling of his nemesis' legs and began backing away. The Jester's upper lip curled into a snarl and he took off towards the escaping Robin, his heavy steps creating craters where he ran.

Robin pulled himself into an air vent, hoping that the Jester wouldn't find him.

"What are we hiding from?"

Robin turned his head slowly to see the Jester's smiling face huddled behind him.

Diving out of the vent, he landed into a barrel roll.

"HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING- COME BACK HERE!" The Jester shouted from his position in the vent.

Running down the hallway, all past pains lost, he was startled by the sound of bricks crumbling. Turning slightly so he could see over his shoulder he saw the other teen crouched, broken bricks and metal surrounding him. Robin turned his head back around and continued to run. Turning a corner, he had the wind knocked out of him as the Jester slammed into his back, flying through the halls and out the other of the wall, into a field.

Picking the Boy Wonder up by his ankle, the clown threw him across the field before flying and landing in front of the hero and weakly punched him in the face. Still, the impact was enough to quickly snap Robin's head to the side brutally.

Picking Dick up by the front of his outfit, he paused at the Boy Wonder's weak chuckling, a hand poised to kill the hero, "What's so funny?"

"You… you took over the world… and you…" Robin answered weakly.

"And I don't what?" the Jester snapped, face turning up in a scowl.

"You can't tell a diversion?" He finished.

Suddenly he dropped Robin as a powerful force threw him forwards, flying.

"We're going to have words, Jacob." Superman said sternly.

* * *

><p>The Jester recovered and shook his head.<p>

"Really?" He sighed.

He closed his eyes and tried to think what could've gone wrong. The lunatics should've been more than enough to handle the teens and he had groups of armed guards at ever door.

His eyes snapped up quickly, "GODDAMMIT, BEAST BOY!" he slammed a fist down into the ground angrily as Superman calmly walked towards him.

Cursing, the Jester flew up and towards the city, Clark close behind.

Dodging a blast of heat beams sent his way, Superman increased his speed to catch the young villain only to realize what he was doing: if he could reach the city, Clark couldn't fight him without injuring Gotham's populace.

Making a split decision, he sped up quickly and caught up with the Jester, only to be grabbed and tossed into the city, flying clear through a building.

Smashing into Clark with a vicious punch, they traded blows for a moment. It was evenly matched, what with Superman's strength and the Jester's speed and martial arts prowess. After dodging a punch, Superman slipped behind the Jester and put him into a headlock. Struggling, he soon began to fade until going completely unconscious.

Standing up, Clark rubbed his shoulder and seemingly spoke to the air, "Thanks. Really couldn't of done it without ya."

A small insect flew out of Superman's ear before popping into the everyone's favorite shapeshifter, "Yeah… his kung fu skills really kick ass," Beast Boy looked down at his former friend sullenly, "It just sucks… he had such good in him." It didn't help that now _two_ of his good friends betrayed him in the end

Superman stepped forwards and placed a comforting shoulder on the green teen's shoulder without a word.

* * *

><p>"So, this gonna work this time?" The Flash asked with a light air around the now reactivated WatchTower, "Cause being frozen sucks."<p>

The other main members nodded their assents, looking at the unconscious teen, "You know, it's weird to think that this _kid_ managed to not only trick all of us, but took over the world while at it." Diana said quietly.

Zatanna pushed through the small gathering of people to the young criminal genius' side, "I need you all to step back. This may get violent." She doubted that she would care. For the first time since the whole ordeal went down, she saw his face. From what he looked like on T.V. back at the beginning he was so… frail, cheeks sunken and his already pale skin was nearing the color of marble.

Seeing the look on her face, Bruce put a hand on her shoulder, "He's not dead. It happened to Kent when he had his powers taken. On the plus side, he'll return to normal soon enough. The pain he'll be going through will be punishment enough." On her confused look, he clarified, "His body wasn't equipped to be able to handle the Kryptonian's powers. It would actually only be a few weeks until his body gave out while still having the powers."  
>She nodded and began her incantations.<p>

* * *

><p>The Jester woke up sometime later in a completely stone room, one solitary lightbulb giving him light.<p>

Sitting up, he pushed the immense pain to the back of his mind. He had more important matters at hand.

Standing up, he noticed a note on the floor next to a tray with what looked like food. He was assuming it was food. He was just hoping it wouldn't open its eyes and stare back at him. Freaking prison mashed potatoes.

Walking over, he grabbed the two objects and carried them back to his bed and read the note,

'_Hello, Jacob Whitaker. After your heinous acts over the past year, you have been stripped of your ill-gotten abilities, the 'ownership' of the world and the Supreme Court of America met and held a court case against you whilst you were unconscious, _'Jacob Whitaker AKA The Jester vs. the United Nations.'

_The jury dictated you guilty under all charges and you are to be held in this maximum security prison for five years, seeing you reach the age of 23, before another court session will be held to decide if you are still legally insane. If you are decided insane, you will be released back into the care of Elizabeth Arkham's Asylum for the Insane. If you are deemed sane, you will be released into the Belle Reeve Maximum Security Prison._

_-P. S. Burn in Hell_

He put the note back down and stumbled backwards onto the stiff bed and sniggered lowly before it turned into a chuckle then into a loud laugh, and finally into a full out cackle that echoed through the other side of the door, through the hallway, up the elevator shaft that stretched a _long_ ways up and into the barren desert above him.

**-Five Years Later-**

A heavily fortified military truck drove through the Sahara desert in no particular direction before suddenly stopping.

A important looking man in a business suit stepped out and picked up a rock. On the bottom of it was a nine-digit touchscreen lock combination. Pressing in a series of numbers, he stepped back and watched as a fake piece of the desert parted and an elevator came up to the surface.

Walking back to the truck, he nodded his head at the soldiers in it before passing them as they walked to the elevator and went down. Sitting in the truck, he was happy to be back in the A/C. God, it was hot out there. After around ten minutes, he heard the familiar sound of the elevator arriving. Straightening his tie, he stepped out of the truck as an extremely disheveled prisoner stepped out, his head bowed.

Suddenly, he snapped at the guard holding his left arm and screamed. Looking at the suited man, he had a familiar malicious gleam in his eye, "I SEE HOW YOU LOOK AT ME! I'M NOT INSANE! YOU'RE THE INSANE ONES!" The suited man blinked at the effect the solitary had on him.

Suddenly, he laughed and straightened his back and smoothed his hair back casually, appearing much saner now. The look in his eye never left though. "President Luthor…" The Jester said calmly.

"Mr. Whitaker-" Luthor began, only to be cut off.

"Mr. Whitaker was my father, call me Jester!" He said in a friendly voice.

"Jester… I would like to formally be the first to welcome you back to the United States." Lex said stiffly.

The Jester made a 'pfft' sound. "Please, we're not there yet." Lex nodded and entered the front seat of the truck, the Jester being pushed into the back.

He chuckled, "I've missed that."

**Gotham City**

He was wheeled into Arkham. He smiled at all of the passersby. He smiled familiarly at the elevator to the M. S. level of Intensive treatment. As the elevator opened, the supervillains all turned their heads at the guards pushed the young man into the hallway. All conversation and noise stopped. The guards looked around uneasily.

"BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABY!" Suddenly a shriek broke through the silence. Looking over he saw a familiar bouncing blonde.

"Hi, mom."

She looked at him and spoke a million words a minute, all of which he didn't understand, but he nodded anyways. It wasn't every day you could make a psychotic clown's heart warm. And dammit if he didn't want to hug her!

Walking further down the hallway, he stepped into the cell and stared at the man across from him who stared back.

Suddenly, the Jester broke out into insane laughter. Putting a hand to his forehead his laughter drained away, "So many people are going to die."

"_We_ are going to kill so many people." The Joker agreed with a smile.

**A/N: Damn. If you read the ending with 'All of the Lights' in the background, its badass as fuck. So, short chapter. Felt like it just needed to end there. With 'All of the Lights'. I kinda feel odd about ending the 'Takeover' arc so quickly. Just didn't know what to do with it. **_**But**_** if you are disappointed in how quickly it happened and have ideas on how I could extend it (For this chapter which would be the latter half of the year, or for the last chapter which would be the former half of the year.) then feel free to leave a review or send me a PM, I'd love it. I do promise to get the next chapter up sooner than this one. But I did warn you guys, updates'll be slow.**

**Review or I'll send the Jester after you... goddammit, I feel like a douche for doing that... FORGIVE ME!**

**-Infernokota**


	15. Earth-3

"**Fan fiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don't do it for money. That's not what it's about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They're fans, but they're not silent, couch-bound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language."**

**-Lev Grossman**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but tardiness… and yes, that includes Wolf.**

_I… I don't like to talk about this…_

I yawned and stretched languidly on the uncomfortable slab of a bed in my cell, my spine popping quite a bit. Rolling onto my side, I glared at the bland wall across from me. Good lord, you forget how uncomfortable prison beds are after a while. Pulling myself into a sitting position, I climbed off of the rock and walked to the plexi-glass door.

I noticed, with interest, the changes that were made during my time away. Like how the walls between the cells were solid concrete now, or how the locks on the doors were much more advanced than they were a handful of years ago.

Huffing, I sat back onto my bed. There was nothing to do. At all.

I'm not quite sure how long I sat there with nothing but my thoughts when I was stirred by a tapping on the door.

My eyes widened at the short man in security armor standing there.

"Alberto! I've missed you!"

The security guard narrowed his eyes at me before closing them and breathing heavily from his nose. Must have taken anger management classes.

"Get up, cl-…" he took another deep breath, "Jester. Lunch time…"

I cocked an eyebrow at the man, "Didn't only good behavior patients get social lunch time?"

"… They decided that it would be better for you crazies to socialize. If a patient has been decided fit, they can take part." He revealed quietly.

I threw a scarred smirk the man's way as he led me through the proper steps for being cuffed and let into the hall. I'm sure he thought that being so free about something so trivial wouldn't hurt, but I'm also sure that the first thing they teach you when working at the asylum is that you never talk to the inmates. We can, and will, use the smallest scraps of knowledge against them. We do have an excessive amount of geniuses.

Walking down the hall, my legs and hands cuffed, I was struck with the oddest sensation of déjà vu. It _had_ been quite some time since my stint at Blackgate.

I noticed the glass panels lining the floor. Maybe they were electric? Dunno, but I'd imagine that that wouldn't be the most pleasant sensation, whatever they were.

It truly blew my mind, the amount of money they must have sunk into the facility since… six years ago? Somewhere around there.

Entering the cafeteria, I was slightly distraught by the lack of my renovations left since the Hostile Takeover, as the civilians had come to call it. Even my throne was gone, and that was _really_ disheartening.

Sitting down at an empty table, I made sure to catalogue the guards stationed on platforms high above the ground in the corners, holding what looked like military grade sniper rifles.

I sighed and pushed at my mashed potatoes that I was _sure_ blinked at me. No one was here. Professor Crane wasn't here, Dad left last night, Mom was already gone… and that's about everybody I knew-

"SCARS!"

I swear to whatever deities that have existed my eye twitched.

"… Jeff…"

The now much older blonde beamed at me. Disgusting.

"So, how did taking over the world go?" He asked happily.

I shivered. I was going to kill him. Honestly, if anything, he seemed even more happy-go-lucky than he did six or seven years ago. When it was appropriate. We were adults now, for god's sake!

"Perfect. Fucking perfect." I decided through gritted teeth. It was anything but perfect. I got beat by _Beast Boy_ of all people! Now, in a perfect world I would still be running the world- let me rephrase that, my dad was technically ruling the world, he just didn't care enough to actually rule it, leaving me to the responsibility of it all because there was no way in my-more-than-likely-intended location that I could leave Mom with such a task. We would all most likely be dead.

"Well, life here at Arkham is PERFECT!" He ended by shouting as loudly as he could.

Now I was _sure_ that there was something wrong with him.

Furrowing my brows at him, I posed the question, "Is everything alright?"

His smile widened even more, "Oh, it's just peachy! Of course, that may be the chip your old pappy put into my head to communicate with you!"

I sighed, "Hi Dad."  
>He seemed to have some sort of twitchy freak out before his blue eyes faded into green ones and his face took a manic expression, "Hey there, boyo! I'm weeping that we only had a few moments to bond after your little underground Boy Scout trip, but, you know, people to kill and plans to make!"<p>

"**LUNCH TIME HAS ENDED."** A loud animatronic voice came over the intercom as the guards scattered around the large room, filing beside us patients and began leading us back into the halls.

My eyes darted to the left spotting something odd before going back to Jeff's who were now the sky blue that I despised so much.

"NICE TALKIN' TO YOU, BUDDY!" he shouted out as he entered the line.

I sighed yet again and ran my tongue nervously over my scarred cheeks, a habit that had stuck with me even during Ace. Peeking to my left again, I noticed the odd man staring at me still. He was at least as tall as Dad, though quite a bit more built. He had a black and orange three-piece suit with an awesome black mask. I blinked, expecting him to disappear, and yet, there he stood, unmoving… just staring. No one seemed to notice him, everybody just shuffling around him.

It was ominous to say the least.

Reaching my cell, I lay down on my brick house of a bed and picked up the soft-cover book, _It_. I personally favored the movie, but ah well.

Reading through the book twice, my internal clock decided that it was time to sleep. Pulling my paper-thin blanket over my body, I rested my head on the super-uncomfortable, un-fluffy pillow and closed my eyes on the cold, bland room,

Ah, this was the life.

I could've sworn I saw a flash of orange before I dozed off.

* * *

><p>I yawned and stretched languidly on the fluffy cloud of a bed, my spine barely popping. Rolling onto my side, I closed my eyes and hummed happily, clutching my cloud of a pillow tightly.<p>

I sighed and sat up on my bed, eyes nearly shut. See, a little something about me; I'm not a morning person. I can get up early most of the time (especially at the Asylum, as I am now) because I could never have a comfortable bed. That's the life of an insane criminal for you. I wasn't quite sure why I had reached 100% comfy, maybe I just had an amazing sleep… for the first time… in twenty years…

Dragging myself to my feet, I did a standard check on the state of the room. Directly across from the bed a wooden door was slightly ajar. To its right pushed up against the wall was a drawer with another door on the other side of the room.

My sleepy brain, quite foolishly, decided that I had escaped and made it to one of the family's safe houses. Getting up, I sluggishly walked to the wardrobe and grabbed out what I was assuming pants and a shirt, throwing my old clothes onto the otherwise spotless floor. My sleepiness compelled me to ignore the slight resistance of pulling the shirt on.

Dragging myself to the door on the other side of the room and opened it testily. Deciding it was a bathroom I walked in and grabbed a toothbrush and toothpaste and did the obvious thing that you do with those items.

The moment I woke up wholly and completely was when I decided to go to the bathroom.

Needless to say, my high-pitched shriek more than likely woke anyone else who was in the hideout up. I stared into the mirror in horror, taking in my appearance. I was my dad level pale (which would've made printing paper blush) and had shoulder-length green hair, bangs and all.

And… okay, to be quite frank, I _looked_ suspiciously perfect. Like something out of a comic book, I mean, I could've joined a supermodel company if I wanted to.

Noticing my verdant green eyes, one thought came to my mind; _I'm a Mary-Sue._

And _that_ was horrifying.

I'm not quite sure how long I stood there when I heard someone pounding on the door.

"Hon, are you okay?"

I had no idea who the chick who spoke was, but I needed more time to assess the situation before doing anything.

"I'm… I'm fine." I brushed a green bang out of my face like I'd seen so many other girls do. Hey, even super-villains get out sometimes. And my _god_ that silky voice! I even _sounded_ like a Mary-Sue.

The other woman was silent for a moment before mumbling what I had assumed was an assent before walking away.

I looked at my reflection for a moment and after that moment I grabbed... _my_ boobs.

Now, that might seem weird or gross or nasty or whatever,_ but_ the reason I had done it was my confirmation that this was real. That I wasn't dreaming. That, somehow against all the laws that bound us to reality, I was a girl.

I hadn't felt this unhappy since I had to attend high school.

Staring at my reflection again, I tried to tap into all of those physiology lessons the good doctor had taught me. Okay, so I looked to be about twenty-three, around the same age as I _was_. I had laugh lines around my mouth, so I at least grew up in a humorous household. I couldn't really get anything out of this other than this odd, nibbling feeling at the back of my head like I _really_ wanted to say something, but couldn't.

Taking a deep breath I walked back out to the bedroom with hesitation. In disgust, I realized that it was perfectly organized and tidy, cleaner than any room _I_ had left in my time on this world. Shaking my head, I noticed an ornate box situated next to the bed that I was quite surprised I hadn't tripped over when getting up. Opening the chest I pulled out three outfits; a steam punk outfit that looked like Dad had thrown up on (my favorite), a purple carnival-esque revealing thing that I would never wear thanks to my... manly pride.

Damn.

The third outfit reminded me of Mom's old red and black spandex outfit that Dad had also thrown up on.

Throwing everything back in, I prowled to the door and held my ear up against it. Other than the far-off sound of what was either singing or humming, it was perfectly silent. Either way, that was a good sign the Joker was here.

I held in a steadying breath and pushed the door open. Slowly. Very, very slowly. After the eternity of making sure the door was quiet as it opened, I tip-toed out. I had already formulated the ingenious plan that currently consisted of; find Dad. And that was it.

Stepping out, I walked around. I decided that this was either a relatively small house or an apartment. After a moment of mindlessly moving towards the sound, I rounded the corner and found the source of the music. It was certainly a tall, pale man. But last I checked, my father didn't have purple hair and didn't cook.

"_Dad?!"_ I choked out incredulously.

The man turned and gave me a smile that matched the look in his eye; it also completely disgusted me and sent a shiver down my spine: kindness.

"Oh, it warms my heart every time you say that." He said softly, voice full of good humor.

I took a couple of shaky backwards, my eyes widening, "_Joker?!"_

He gave me a look that my father- my real father, would give me when I said something exceptionally stupid, "I've told you time and time again: I don't know who this Joker is, but my name is the Jokester."

I closed my eyes tightly and bolted out of the room. I had to get out of this hell- oh. That must be what this is. One of the cooks slipped poison into my food and I died in the night and went to hell. It was the most logical explanation. I was hurried out of my thoughts as I crashed into the chest of someone quite tall.

"Hey, what's the hurry?"

At first I wanted to say, _'Oh thank god, Nygma, everything's fucked up!'_

But it didn't take a genius to figure out something would be horrendously wrong with my second favorite megalomaniac, and honestly, the green spandex he had on was too much. I pushed past him and my eyes widened in glee at the closing door behind him that showed the tell-tale signs of outside. I managed to nearly reach the door before I was yet again stopped.

"Now hold right there, young lady!"

My eyebrows furrowed into a glare as I recognized the unknown voice from earlier.

"You still never told me what that scream from earlier was."

I merely stared at the odd woman in what looked like three outfits put together.

"Babygirl, come away from the door." The Jokester said soothingly as he and Nygma joined the woman.

I let out a scream and pulled out the knife I liberated from the kitchen, "Stop calling me that!" I started backing towards the door but stopped as the pale imitation of my father took a step as well.

_They won't let me leave._ I thought darkly.

"Duela, come away-" The woman began saying before I cut her off with another scream.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! My name is _not_ Duela! I am the Jester! The Clown Prince of Crime! Son of the Joker and Harley Quinn!" The Jokester's lips pursed at that. "And I don't know what kind of twisted hell this is, but I will find a way out of it."

I dropped the knife quite stupidly and rushed to the door. Someone grabbed my shoulders from behind me. Smashing my head against his nose, I grabbed his wrist and judo flipped him over my shoulder. Edward slammed into the door closing it. Still holding his wrist, I kicked backwards into the approaching Joker, hitting him in the shin. Jumping up, I smashed my foot against the side of his head, sending him crashing down. I jumped back to my feet and did a quite impressive spin, dislocating Nygma's arm out of its socket.

I let go of the limp appendage and glared at the woman who was looking at me warily. I ran at her for a moment before kicking off of the wall closest to her, flying past her.

The back door! I had to make it! I only ran a few feet when I was knocked down by a sudden weight hitting my back. I struggled against the woman for a few seconds before something cold and hard hit the back of my head.

_Goodbye, muscle control._

* * *

><p>Jackie held an ice pack against the side of his head while Edward nursed the arm that Evelyn had recently popped back into place.<p>

The mood in the home was quite tame compared to the events merely an hour ago.

"Okay, _no one_ going to ask where the hell she learned to do that?!" Nygma asked loudly.

The Jokester shook his head slowly as the trio looked at the knocked out young Dent. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was quite sure that the young, apparently insane, woman had more badass in her than the three of them did together.

"I WILL EAT ALL OF YOUR BABIES!" She screamed out suddenly.

"And she's awake!" Evelyn said brightly.

* * *

><p>"Alright, baby, just tell me what's wrong." The pale man told me slowly.<p>

I stared at him for a moment before spitting an impressive amount of spit onto his cheek. Quite a useful tactic for riling interrogators up. He recoiled in shock before wiping the saliva off of his cheek and staring at me.

The silence in the room amused me more than they probably realized.

"Who are you, and what did you do with my daughter?" The three-faced woman asked me darkly.

"I have. No. Fucking idea," I said boredly. "Honestly, Robin was more intimidating than you _when he was fifteen._"

That seemed to do nothing to help the mood.

Suddenly, her eyes softened into a look of loving pity, "Okay… Jester, tell me your story."

I narrowed my eyes at this. What was she playing at? Then the realization hit me. She had multiple personalities, thus the triple outfit-face paint combo… and she thought I, or the original inhibitor of this body at least, had generated a separate personality.

"Listen, lady, I don't know _who_ you think I am… I just want to go home." I said, snarling. The understanding and pity never left her eyes,

"And where is that?"

I supposed that she wasn't not going to give up on this, "Well, I spend most of my time at Arkham Asylum-"

"You mean that old abandoned hospital over on that island?" Nygma interjected.

"Yes. Interrupt again, I will skin you all," I said quietly. They shut up at that. "I was raised by the Joker and Harley Quinn, my most favorite person is Robin and my least favorite person is the Batman."

"You mean the Owlman and Talon?" Edward interrupted yet again.

"I… What's your names?" I asked after a moment of silence.

"I'm Evelyn Dent," The woman said softly, "That is Jackie. The Jokester. We're your parents."

"And I'm Edward Nygma, the Riddler," He said with a flamboyant bow, before adding, quite contemptuously. "Your stepfather."

Suffice to say, I hardly even cared who they were- all that mattered was the similarities. "Lex Luthor. Ring a bell?"

The Jokester smiled happily, "Alexander Luthor. My co-leader of the resistance."

I made a face at that. "Do you know his multiverse theory?"

He was silent for a moment, "No… I can give him a call and ask about it, though."

I didn't answer as he and Nygma went into the kitchen.

Another realization smacked me right in the face. Wasn't it dangerous to mess with stuff like this? Especially letting people _know_ about the 'traveling' part of it?

I took a moment to swallow my pride.

* * *

><p>"Mom? Why am I tied up?" Duela asked softly.<p>

Evelyn turned to her, surprised, "What?"

"I _asked_ why was I tied up? And where's Dad?"

She searched the young woman's face for a moment before her mouth widened brightly, "He's in the kitchen, honey. I'll go get him." The elder Dent hurried to the kitchen.

"Hey, guys, I think she's okay. She just called me mom and asked for her dad." She said in a very relieved fashion.

Jackie hung the phone up before the two men followed Evelyn back to the living room. And then proceeded to swear loudly.

Kung-Fu, ASPD, and now escape artistry? It honestly didn't make too much sense.

* * *

><p>I smirked as I silently closed the door behind me. The snow was cold, true, but I was free at least. I pulled out the phone I had grabbed while in the bedroom, and realized that someone had attempted to text me.<p>

'Where r u?' it read. In another message beneath it, some address I didn't recognize was listed.

After my OCD finished flaring up, and I decided that murder was a slight overreaction, I contemplated whether or not to go to the address. On one hand, it could more than likely be a trap. On the other, it was certainly better than out here in the snow and _much_ better back in that house. Screw it.

As the kids say, 'YOLO'.

* * *

><p>Stepping into the warehouse that was a mere couple of blocks away from my "host's" home, I was instantly assaulted by the smell of… what I assumed was scented candles. I walked further in, attempting to find the source of the smell. After a few moments of walking, I turned a corner into a well lit room with many candles littering the area, a heart-shaped bed in the center of the room. And lying in the center of the bed was a quite naked Dick Grayson in what he must've thought was a sexy position.<p>

"OH GOOD GOD, MAN! PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON!" I screamed out as I recoiled backwards, hands covering my eyes.

There was the sound of the bed rustling as he got up and scurried towards me, "Wait, babe-"

"CALLING ME BABE DOESN'T HELP, BOBBY!" I screamed again, my back reaching the wall.

He stopped what I was assuming was a few feet in front of me, "I thought you said you would be ready today."

I was silent for a moment as his words set in, "YOU THOUGHT WE WERE- THAT'S _DISGUSTING,_ MAN!"

His next words were said with a disheartened tone, "We were going to ask your father for his blessing today…"

"NO! WE WERE NOT!" It was with that that I hurried out of the warehouse as fast as me and my scarred eyes could.

The snow was more than a welcoming feeling.

Okay, so there goes one route. Now… the Iceberg Lounge! I ran through my mental map of downtown Gotham as I literally ran. After a good twenty or thirty minutes I finally, and thankfully, found the building with the words clearly posted on its front. I took a moment to compose myself as I stepped into the classy establishment. At least it wasn't that modernized piece of crap club Cobblepot set up in my world to attract more customers.

My eyes roamed the room until landing upon one face that I had thought that I would _never_ see. Forgetting myself for a moment, I ran at the woman and tackle-hugged her, "MOM!"

The woman in the red suit laughed and hugged me back as we stood up, "I only wish it were true, hon." She said wistfully. "How's your father? It's been a while since I've managed him."

I had stopped paying attention at that point. The day wasn't going to get better. The one last good thing I had was taken from me. I ripped myself out of her arms and ran out the back entrance. Looking at the back of the building, I climbed up the service staircase. Once I reached the top, I walked to the edge facing the street and sat down miserably. I had no idea how long I sat there, but it was nighttime when I was roused out of my thoughts.

"Duela."

I hung my head low, "Batman, I really don't need this right now."

There was no sound or reaction from the Caped Crusader. That is, until he had turned me around and dangled me over the streets.

It was at that moment that I noticed the visual differences between my Batman and this… Owlman. His face… his face was one of a killer. Not the battle-hardened, but well-meaning grim visage of the Dark Knight, but something resembling a man who wanted nothing but to kill someone. It was that look, that one snarl that I saw every time I woke up in the morning to meet with my father. That I saw whenever I passed the glass doors of the Maximum Security area of the Asylum; it was the look I saw whenever I looked into the mirror.

This dark _thing_ was going to kill me.

I swallowed deeply. For once, I had _nothing_ to say. No mind-fucking piece of knowledge, no witty remark. No Joker-esque thing to say. Nothing. Perhaps this is what they mean by looking Death in the face.

His expression didn't change as his hands let me go.

Turning, I saw the ground quickly coming… and I smiled. At least this hell couldn't get any worse. Perhaps this was what peace was.

And then one of the citizens walking by looked up at me. With his black mask.

And his orange suit.

My eyes widened right before I hit the ground.

* * *

><p>I sat up quickly, a cold sweat covering my face. I ran my lips across my cheeks and felt the scars.<p>

I smiled. This was Arkham. This was my bland cell. This was my awful bed.

The only thing left was to find Luthor.

We had much to talk about.

**A/N: So… I should stop promising quicker updates. Those always seem to make updates come slower. But, alas. I was going to upload this last month on Thanksgiving, but I spent the week out of state… without my desktop computer. And I'm working on a legitimate novel. And I've put double the effort into school. So… I've literally had no time to write. **

**You might be wondering 'What was the point of this?' the answer…**

**To introduce the orange and black man.**

**So, I'm thinking about having a little questionnaire thing where you guys ask one of the OCs in the story a question. I would either answer in character or out of it. I'd only do it if at least a handful of you guys participated.**

**But… one more promise.**

**Christmas.**

**Review! Or even send me a PM. Either one gives me motivation to write.**

**-Having too much fun with Rule 63, Infernokota.**


	16. How Arkham Stole Christmas

"**My friend thinks he's so smart: he said that onions are the only that makes you cry.**

**So I threw a coconut at his face."**

**-Anonymous**

**Disclaimer: I only own cultural diversity! Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Feliz Navidad (Happy Holidays) and whatever else people celebrate today to all! Except for Wolf. He doesn't deserve it. **

_OH GOD, HELP ME! PLEASE GOD HELP ME-_

_FEEL THE CHRISTMAS CHEER, JACKHOLE!_

* * *

><p>Christmas.<p>

Christmas.

Why. Fucking. Christmas?! This was my second Christmas at Arkham. And if it was anything like last year, I was going to kill myself. So, the day begins with the guards coming through with the saner inmates, and they force them to sing carols, which sound awful by the way. Then, we have rotating sessions of group therapy with the slightly less insane psychos with a 'gift exchange'. Of course, we can't go out and get presents ourselves, and if we could most of us would just get a rattlesnake or something of that sort and kill every official in the building.

After all of the gift crap is finished, it's usually around lunchtime to which we have holiday themed food like breathing mashed potatoes! I hate mashed potatoes now. After that horrendous road wreck, we get one 'wish' from 'Santa'. On another note, my first Christmas was the first year that 'Santa' wasn't killed. Peachy, isn't it?

After that, we go back to our cells until someone escapes, lets us all out to which we kill the rest of the doctors and guards left in the building, leading to a mass outbreak where my father goes on a murderous rampage only rivaled by the Professor on Halloween.

I hate Christmas.

* * *

><p>I stared at the ceiling with a look of pure hatred. The guards were getting closer, and the mangled 'Jingle Bells' were becoming more and more legible. But, on the upside during my… adventure, Crane came back! And he was just as pissed as me, if his face told the whole story.<p>

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!"

I pulled the pillow over my ears.

"Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh-eigh!"

I leapt to my feet and glared through the glass at the guard in the front who was standing in front of my cell. "You _will_ stop singing."

The guard scoffed. "And what are you going to do, clown?"

I licked my scars. "I'll find your little girl. I'll grab her right out of her third grade class, and I will make you watch me kill her."

The guard paled and hurried along. The slightly apprehensive yet thankful looks on the inmates' faces as they passed by only added to the victory.

I sighed heavily and walked back to my thankfully horrid bed and lay back down. I closed my eyes and tried to think of better times.

"_Okay, so this one guy in Star, right? City's burning, people are dying left and right, yadda, yadda, yadda- _this _jackhole rushes me with a _spoon! _Ha, ha, ha- a frickin' _spoon! _Ha, ha- so I'm _dying_ laughing, right? So I scoop out his stupid little eyeballs with it, and his kids are all 'WAAAH!' And- and- I ha, ha- can-can't even… ohhhh, yes! He can't see where he's going he, he, he he's bumping into stuff, ha, ha, ha, ha, and I- anyway, I dunno, maybe you had to be there."_

I vaguely remember dosing back off with a smile on my face.

* * *

><p>I stared at the ceiling with a look of pure hatred.<p>

"Did you hear me?" The guard asked me through the glass door.

I gritted my teeth. "Yes."

I stood up, jaw clenched and walked to the back of the small room, hands pressed up against the wall. The guard opened the door and stepped in, grabbing my hands and cuffing them behind my back. In all honesty, I would normally make an S&M joke, but… I hate Christmas _so_ much.

He led me through the halls to a room I vaguely recognized as the Rec Room. There were chairs assorted in a half-circle. Oh, I got to be the fashionably late one. Already seated were four nameless almost-psychos, Dr. Crane who appeared as malice filled as I did and… Sarah, I think her name was? Looked my age, early twenties. Had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes.

"So," The doctor seated at the front began. "Welcome to the yearly gift exchange, created by our own Dr. Strange in hopes of furthering mental rehabilitation and comraderie."

I snorted. The doctor looked at me with barely disguised irritation. "Do you have anything to contribute, Mr. Whitaker?"

I narrowed my eyes at the name. "Strange could care less about if we get better. He only cares about what's up here." I lifted a finger to my head and tapped it a couple of times.

The doctor adjusted his tie irritatedly. "I'm sorry you have such a lowly view of Dr. Strange."  
>I snorted again and looked away, zoning out of the rest of the meaningless introduction.<p>

"Mr. Whitaker? Mr. Whitaker?"

I barely spared a glance at the doctor.

He sighed. "… _Jester?"_

I smiled and turned to him. "What would you need, doc?"

He adjusted his glasses. "Mr. Crane had given you his gift."

I looked down at my lap and realized, yes, someone had put a box onto my lap. I pulled the top off and… there were a pair of Vans. Not even suitable running shoes. Vans. I swallowed my indignation and turned to the doctor behind Crane and forced a smile on. "Thank you, Professor. I will use them _so _much."

He narrowed his eyes at my thinly veiled sarcasm but nodded anyways.

"Alright, Mr. Whi- Jester," The doctor cut himself off. "It's your turn."

I rolled my eyes and looked at the nurse behind me. As he began handing me the box that I was completely prepared to give to the only real doctor in the room when he moved and did something that would change the course of the day for better.

As I was about to take the box, he threw the lid off and ripped the pistol out and aimed it at one of the no-name psychos. Firing quite skillfully, he shot the man directly in the head with a rage-filled scream before aiming it at his own head, killing himself as well. My eyes widened and I dived down like the others as he fell.

The guards and doctors recovered quickly, bringing the tame inmates to their feet and back down the halls. As my guard sped up past the group, I looked at the good doctor and shared a look with him before the guard pushed me ahead into my cell.

I sighed and sat back down, rubbing the coolness against my waist. I would wait. Indeed, I would wait for as long as it took. I was thankfully one of the last groups of people, and didn't have to wait too long for lunch time. Honestly, I'd rather get this entire day over with as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>I internally groaned at the sight of the cafeteria. Around the walls, Christmas lights were hung up (out of reach of the patients), streamers and bows lining every which way. A tree was pushed up in one corner of the room beneath one of the elevated guards.<p>

I retained my unamused expression as I stepped into line. I was so proud of myself, I didn't even grimace when they passed out the mashed potatoes and cold, preservative filled turkey.

I shuffled my way over to my usual table. I noticed, with a non-too merry scowl, that the Doctor was gone. It was quite a shame as I had wished that we could've ranted about this overly-hateable holiday.

My scowl deepened as I felt the ball of pure crack-filled being of energy near me. "Hello, Jeff."

"I don't know who 'Jeff' is, but he sounds like one helluva classy fellow!" The cheer filled voice called from next to me.

I looked over in shock at the blonde whose eyes now glowed neon green. "Oh, Dad!" I backtracked. "I honestly completely forgot about that."

He made a Joker standard 'pfft' sound. "Oh, bucky, don't mention it!" He looked at the room in wonder. "Oh, it's Christmas time! You better get home quick, or you'll miss the celebration. Oh, the time of year for sitting with loved ones, giving out gifts and gloriously sowing mayhem to one and all!" His cheerful expression dropped and he looked around grumpily. "Sounds like one of the Dork Knight's henchmen came to stop the party early," His attention turned back to me. "See ya around, kiddo!"  
>'Jeff' then proceded to run across the room. Straight into a wall, knocking himself out.<p>

I pushed at my potatoes with a sigh, deciding that having a conversation with them wasn't as farfetched as it sounded. It was with an almost happy heart that I heard the animatronic voice drone out. "**Lunchtime has ended.**"

I stood up and looked around warily. I wasn't dealing with more universe travelling hijinks. Deciding that the devil in the orange suit wasn't here, I shuffled into line and quite gloomily walked back to my cell.

Instead of furiously crawling back to my cot and resting as I originally planned, I stood, my mind cycling through multiple different thoughts and actions.

I was still there when they dragged me out of the cell to meet 'Santa'. As we finally made our way to him, I rolled my eyes at the overly jolly man in the red fat suit sitting in the completely concrete room, with the sole exception of the iron door. As they sat me down at the table across from him, I noticed the guard standing oddly close behind me.

"So, good sir, what would you like me to get for you this year?" He said with a slight chuckle.

I rolled my eyes yet again. Did they think I had the mindset of a child? For Christ's sake, I had a higher IQ then most of the people in the area.

I straightened my back and looked him in the eye boredly. "I want to meet Lex Luthor."

He seemed stunned for a moment before chuckling. "I'm sorry, but that can't be done this year. Maybe if you're good and you get better, I can help you with that next year."

He crossed my hands on the table and looked down my nose at him. "No. I want to meet Mr. Luthor now."

He seemed to notice the warm hiss under my voice and his eyes flitted to the door.

It was at that moment that I used the metal I had taken from the Rec Room to unlock my handcuffs. I elbowed the guard in the stomach before flipping him over my shoulder, slamming him into the table. I leapt up onto him and solidly hit him in the nose, knocking him out cold. I jumped off of the table on the other side, next to the stunned Santa. Pulling the pistol out, I held it up against his head and looked at the camera in the corner. "I want to meet Lex. Right. Now- or the fat man dies." I cocked the gun for emphasis and began the wait.

**-Several Stories Above-**

Lex wasn't one for meetings. Most people he met there were idiots who didn't know or cared about what he said; as long as they could suck up to him, they were good.

It was for that reason that when his assistant told him that there was a situation downstairs in Intensive Care that he immediately told her he would be right down. "Excuse me, gentlemen," He stated to the wholly despicable men situated around the table. "I need to take care of something."  
>They murmured half-heartedly, but said nothing else as he left the room.<p>

Nearly running to the elevator, he merely glanced at his assistant, Mercy, before pushing the 'down' button happily.

As he reached the ground floor, he straightened his tie. He looked around curiously before following the commotion to an open door, a bored looking young man in an orange prison suit holding a gun up to a frightened Mall Santa.

He cleared his throat and stepped into the room, for once wishing that he had stayed in the meeting.

* * *

><p>My eyes brightened as the black suited man stepped into the room, face straight. "Oh, Lexy-poo!"<p>

He didn't necessarily respond. "What do you want, Jester?"

My smile dropped. "I want you to close the door."

There was a commotion outside as people protested and in response, I pushed the gun further into the poor man's head in response. Luthor held up a hand to the door to silence them before he closed the heavy metal door.

My smile went back up as I turned my attention to the security camera in the corner. I aimed the gun at it and shot once, thoroughly disabling it. I put the gun back against the Santa's head before sitting down, beckoning for the billionaire-former-president to do the same. I stared at him for a moment, tilting my head to the side. He remained impassive.

"Well," I began quietly. "You may be wondering why I asked you down here."

He nodded. "I am."

I tsk'd. "See, Lex, what I want to talk about _is your goddamned multiverse theory."_

He blinked at the sudden anger sent his way. "And what do you want to talk about?" He said slowly.

I looked at the ceiling. "I want to know how to travel."

He shook his head. "I couldn't tell you. It's a _theory_. They couldn't even exist."

I shook my head frantically. "No. No. No, I've seen them. I've been to one, I've _lived_ one."

He looked at me in shock. "You _what?!"_

I nodded happily. "Oh, yes. I have."

"And you know how to travel?"

"Pfft. No. I don't. I was hoping you did."

All decorum gone, he sadly shook his head. "It's unfortunately technology out of our grasp." He was silent for a moment. "But… with you, we can do it!" He had that look in his eye, the one that said he was going through possibilities, hundreds upon millions of them.

I chose the opportunity to peek at the small, barred window. It was nearing dark. "Sorry, Lex. Maybe next time." I looked at the man next to me sadly and pulled the trigger. Lex didn't bat an eye. Then I turned the gun on the billionaire. "Now, to save face, you should look afraid. Shocked even. I'm going to leave, I'm going to go home, and I'm going to have a panic attack which will lead to an early life crisis where I make an overly drastic decision." I stated very matter of factly.

He gave me an odd look and nodded.

I sneakily slid up to the door, shock baton stolen from the guard in one hand, gun in the other. I threw it open and slid out, aiming my gun at the bystanders. It would be preferable if I had a hostage to hold, but that would include having to get close to the armed guards. I backed away, never looking away from the frightened doctors and worried guards.

I took a small opportunity to glance to my right. The armory. Perfect. Opening the door, I dropped the puny weapons and browsed the inventory. Hopefully the security would be too afraid to open the door to in case I was still armed. My vision was caught by two SMGs that I vaguely remembered Charade calling 'Vectors'. Grabbing them, I also took multiple magazines, a baton and a set of keys.

Exiting through the other door, I looked for the holding… area… thing where they… hold confiscated items. That place. Anyways, I turned a corner. Nothing. I walked down the hall and took another corner. Nothing. It's moments like these where you wish you remembered something that you haven't seen for… eight years.

I let out a growl of frustration before my attention was turned to the barely manned security room. I took another peek at the black sky outside and shrugged again. I sneakily sneaked over to the side of the door, guns at the ready. Pressing the key card into the slot, I barged in, guns raised at the last guard left. I'm assuming that the majority of the security force was out searching for moi throughout the building. The man stuttered out something that probably sounded like 'I have kids and a wife, yadda, yadda, yadda.' But I zoned out again.

I dropped one of the guns and made my way round the tables in the room to the console on the other side. One gun still aimed at the cowering guard, I pulled open a random panel labeled 'electricity'. I began putting my hand downwards to flip the switch when the sudden movement of Mr. Hostage caught my attention.

As he ran towards me, I released a flurry of bullets at the man, decimating his leg. "And that, my good sir, is how I treat heroes." I smirked and flipped the switch.

As the lights systematically began shutting off, I could hear the frightened sounds of the officials nearby as the red back-up lights slowly came on. I looked at the man again, shaking my head before I left the room. Walking towards the exit directly in front of the security room, my attention was grabbed by the worried yelling ascending to ear-shattering screaming.

Christmas carols: Check

Group gift exchange: Check.

Santa: Check.

Mass murder/escape- my ear perked up at the sound of a blood-curdling scream being cut short- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, Check.

I smirked to myself as the mayhem went on behind me, making my way across the bridge leading to the mainland, whistling that 'Oh the weather outside is frightful' song all the way.

Perhaps Christmas wasn't so bad after all.

**A/N: What are you people doing?! You should be celebrating with loved ones! In all seriousness, I realized something about the later chapters: as the word count either goes higher or stays the same, the bulk of the content goes down. Like, I can go through an extremely interesting chapter with as little information as I can and still get 4,000 words (Like last chapter). But I digress. So, you can _probably_ expect a follow up chapter sometime before the New Year following the Joker Family's adventures in 'spreading Christmas cheer to everyone' Joker style! It's currently 1 am in Idaho, and I am _really_ friggin' tired! I hope you all have a Merry Christmas (and whatever else) and a Happy New Year (… for you all who celebrate New Year's on the first.)**

**The greatest present you could give me is a merry review!**

**LOL, R&R**

**-In A Holly Jolly Mood, Infernokota**


	17. Revenge of the Fallen

"**People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic."**

**-Ron White**

**Disclaimer: Currently in a legal battle for the rights to Wolf… won't lie… not going very well.**

_Um, well, um, Session #1, um, patient number- patient number-_

_Oh, relax, doc! I only kill therapists on Christmas._

* * *

><p>I sighed and reclined in the recently liberated cushiony chair of mine. The New Years and Valentine's Day riots were a total success; Batman was still in the midst of rounding up the dozens of psychos still littering the streets, I had already met with my father to discuss gang placements in our section of the city. My mind momentarily flashed back to that old warehouse, the Funhouse I think we called it. It had been torn down during my incarceration, so we picked ourselves up and moved to the aptly named Amusement Mile, refocusing on the gang instead of repeated megalomaniacal plots.<p>

I sat up, lost in thought. I looked around at the large room for a moment before walking to a window, peering out at the psychopath infested city. All of it wasn't mine. Hell, none of it was mine. It all belonged to him. I chewed my gum thoughtfully. Did I own anything? Even my ever present bodyguard and best friend were given to me by my father.

I owned nothing.

"Baby, what are you doing?"

I turned to my ever-loving mother with a sad smile.

_She belongs to him too._

"Nothing… just thinking." I said with a sigh.

"About what?" She asked with a slightly tilted head.

I chewed on my gum for a moment before looking away. "What do I have in this world? I've done nothing with my life."

She made a cooing sound, coming over and hugging me.

She's so short.

"Listen, I had nothing either," She said softly. "But then I found you. You're mine."

I hugged her back with one arm, mulling over her short but kind words in my head.

_But then I found you._

You're_ mine._

I looked back at the window, jaw clenched and defiant scowl planted on my face.

"I don't need him."

She looked up and blinked. "What?"

I nodded, psyching myself up. "Yes… I don't need him... I can leave… build my own legacy..."

She gave me an odd look. "Now, that's not what I was saying-"

I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "Sorry, mom, I'm off!" I ran out of the room, ignoring her startled 'wait!'

I rushed through my new-now-old-room, grabbing my clothes and favorite possessions (I love those SMGs). I pushed past my extremely confused mother and towards the stylized entrance.

"Now WHERE DO YOU THINK _YOU'RE GOING?!"_ The furious voice shouted from behind me.

I tightly closed my eyes and quickly shook my head before turning around. "I'm leaving, Da- _Joker."_

His face twitched furiously. "Fuck! Fuck! Really?! You're gonna walk on me?

If there is one thing I cannot god damned stand, it's a quitter! Come on!"

My eyes widened in surprise. He had never been this angry with me before.

"Do you hear me?!" He nearly screamed, all decorum lost. "You get back in here this instant!"

I shook my head slowly.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, attempting to calm himself. "I see what's happening here. You're bored. You want a little attention. Perfectly understandable. Well I'm here for you."

"I'm leaving, Dad."

He smiled. "Oh, I don't doubt it… just don't expect me to welcome you back." He finished, glowering.

I chewed on my gum for a moment longer before turning tail and leaving the Amusement Mile.

* * *

><p>This sucked. We had no more hideouts throughout the city. Wonder if Crane was still mad about the Vans comment?<p>

"Crane?" I called out. After a few minutes of silence, I stepped away from the building. Were there _any _bases of his I had missed? I didn't think so. I had already looked through the Narrows, I'd checked the usual warehouses- I even paid somebody off to see if he was checked into Arkham. Nothing. You know, for an insane professor he can disappear quite well.

"Will you quite screaming my name, brat?"

I breathed a sigh of relief and turned around back towards the entrance. "Really, Professor? Could you have been any more difficult to find?"

His upper lip twitched as he shut the door and padlocked it, walking back into the depths of the building. "If it was that hard for you to find me, I must say I'm doing my job very well. Better than parading around like some buffoon in an overly conspicuous district." He muttered as he led me into what I assumed was an office of some kind.

He turned towards me. "So, child, what is so important that you followed me tracked me across Gotham, screaming like a spoiled brat."

I chewed on my gum for a moment, formulating an answer before he stopped me.

"Stop chewing that."

I blinked and stared at him for a moment before spitting the gum out onto the floor.

He stared at me like I was an idiot.

I huffed and ignored his look, glancing to my right. "I left my parents, and I need a place to stay."

He raised an eyebrow boredly. "Why don't you rent an apartment?"

I winced. "I sort of need some equipment to do something _really_ important."

His 'you're an idiot' look returned and he turned on his heel, walking in the opposite direction. "Why should I let you stay with me?"

I rushed ahead of him and sat on an empty crate giving him the best puppy look I could. "C'mon, Professor, it'll be just like old times, us debating theories and experimenting on people, just two level-headed geniuses fooling the world."

He didn't look impressed.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll even return to you those notes on my immunity to your toxins from years ago."

He froze in place, mind whirring about those notes that the young man had traded for Crane's teachings. "Fine. Get me those notes, and you have access to anything _I allow you to have_." He put more emphasis and malice in those last words then was honestly necessary.

"Deal." I lifted one of my bags and opened it, giving Jonathan a good-sized stack of notes that had a slight yellowed tint from age.

He tilted his head upwards and gave me a slightly appraising look. "Very conniving, Jester. Come."

He turned back around, probably expecting me to follow. I learned that it was better to just accept his generousness and follow him.

"I'm going to give you a heads up," He said after a moment of silence. "Considering the fact that you left the Joker, you can no longer rely on his power and pull in the underground. Not only that, but now people who would want to get revenge on your father will target you, the "weaker" one."

I was just hoping that he wouldn't notice the gum in my mouth.

* * *

><p>I dropped the last bag onto the ground. The Scarecrow, not Jonathan, had a handful of goons search through my bags, momentarily confiscating my beloved SMGs.<p>

Damn them all.

I opened one and pulled out a textbook titled 'College Biology & Genetics'. Not quite as good as actually going to Gotham University, but I hated high school. Imagine what going to a place where it's legal to drink and have sex would be.

Shivers. Shivers, my friends.

**Eight Weeks Later**

I put the last piece of the tube together, brushing the dirt off of my hands. Jonathan was kind enough to allow me a room to do what I wished. Lined in lead, the room was completely metal and cold. Surgical tables lined three of the four walls, a staircase to the side and a large metal and glass tube apparatus dominating the remaining wall.

I sat in my quite comfy office chair and rolled across the room, grabbing a coffee maker filled with tea and pouring myself a mug. I sipped at it before putting it back down, deciding that it was still a little too hot.

I pushed off of the table to another one with a dice and a large piece of poster board above it.

I licked my lips and shook the dice.

_Okay, one through three is girl, four through six is boy._

I let the mystical game piece fly, watching it all the while. It was a two. I shrugged to myself before picking it back up.

_One to two is redhead, three through four is brunette and five and six are blonde._

I threw the dice onto the table, eye carefully watching it. It landed on a six.

_Cool. Last one. One through three is blue eyed; four through six is green eyed._

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand a three. Well, that's handy; I didn't even need to steal someone else's DNA.

Walking over to another table, I grabbed a swab and ran it across my tongue, picking up an impressive amount of saliva. I jumped into the chair silently shaking my shoulders to Blue Swede's Hooked on a Feeling playing in my earbuds as the momentum carried me over to the giant tube.

I dragged the drool covered cotton ball across a little reflective slip and slid it into the machine, punching in a series of numbers.

I stepped back and stared at the machine filled with green liquid balefully.

_Soon, my baby girl._

* * *

><p>It had been days. Days, waiting for any sign of life in that damned tube. I sighed and sat back in my chair, newly moved equipment littering the room. I snarled, suddenly filled with anger that I couldn't have told you where it came from. I stood up and stalked across the room, taking the slip out of the machine and throwing it away.<p>

It wasn't ready- _I _wasn't ready. But nobody would deny me my right. I needed time, I needed training, I needed….

Practice.

My lips twitched into a smile. Yes. What would those lives be anyways? If a thousand people had to die so that I could claim what was mine, then I would gladly kill a thousand and one.

It was an odd thought. Eight years ago I refused to kill someone who made his life stealing from people that worked ten times harder than he did. I even didn't kill anybody when I took over the friggin' world.

Perhaps those years in that concrete box were tougher than I thought they were.

* * *

><p>"So… Charade."<p>

The green haired man raised an eyebrow at me expectantly, a handful of cannon fodder- goons milling about behind him nervously.

"I brought the men. What did you need them for?" He asked quietly, shotgun drawn.

I pulled my parka closer together. The walk back to the warehouse would be awful in this hellhole's winter, especially with this awful snowstorm that had hit the East Coast.

"I just need them to follow me without question. You're free to go back to the Mile." I gave him a half-hearted smile.

He looked at me for a moment and nodded silently. He looked behind him and waved the group towards me. As the men joined me, I was more aware than throughout this entire meeting the boundary between Scarecrow's territory and the Joker's.

I gave him one more nod before backing away.

"Hey." He stopped me, a black walkie-talkie held in his outstretched hand.

I took the few steps forwards and took it. He nodded back at me and walked away, back into the maniacal depths of the Amusement Mile.

I sent a cold look at the fidgety men around me. At least they were smart enough to know they had been practically sent to their deaths.

The cold warehouse was a welcome feeling as I shut the door, padlock in place.

"So, sheep, make yourselves at home. I've got stuff to take care of." I said pretty emotionlessly. I shrugged my jacket off and walked into the metal room, a handful of blankets, pillows and sleeping bags strewn carelessly on a mattress on the floor. This room had become my life.

I looked at the surgical and odd vaguely-scientific materials meticulously placed next to those really annoying thin plastic sheets they have at doctor's offices. You know those ones? Yeah.

* * *

><p>It wasn't often a man could say they were evil, <em>true <em>evil at least. Many would say that the residents of Arkham Asylum were evil; psychopaths who killed for various reasons. Some to fulfill desires unconceivable to mankind; others to experiment in the unknown, to prove their superiority, to make the world a better place. Then, there were the odd ones who killed merely because they could; not because they thought they were better or entitled to, nor was it for any purpose whatsoever.  
>To kill for the hell of it.<p>

Is a man truly evil if he believes his goals are good?

If they're for love? A beautiful endgame?

The screams echoing from that metal room would convince you otherwise.

**A/N: Hey… guys… how's it going? God, this is really awkward… it's like when you don't see someone for a long time and then you meet them at the mall or something and they say hi or something and you're just like, 'WTF?' This is a quite short chapter but, honestly I'm honestly still getting back into the swing of things. It **_**has**_** been nearly two months since I've written anything. Anyways, I would like to happily announce that I've gotten my muse back! I think… it's very bipolar. So… sorry it's been so long… there was a personal tragedy, school's drained the shit out of me, I'm exhausted twenty-four/seven and writing's just taken a backseat in life. If you guys see any errors it would be cool if you could point them out; I'm too exhausted to look through it all. But, that's a story for another day… but I started a DBZ fic... if you're... interested in that... it's 9,000 words... and now I feel like I'm word whoring, so I bid you all adieu.**

**-Happy With What I'm Doing In Life and Feeling Overly Feelsy, Infernokota**


	18. In Playing God

"**I guess they often cast me as the bad guy, because I'm not, er, conventional looking. I look sort of violent. I'm the odd one out, the outsider."**

**-Willem Dafoe**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that the Jester doesn't own…**

_I'm not sure what you're getting at._

_You're not insane. You're just evil._

* * *

><p>The man whimpered as the masked individual leaned down towards him.<p>

"What do you see?" The Scarecrow hissed at the man. "What is it you fear about me?"

Crane leaned back and lifted the bisected arm. The man paled and screamed behind his gag as blood dripped out of the limb.

"Is it this?"

Suddenly, the arm began twitching about, trying to wiggle its way towards the frightened man, grasping with dirty fingernails and pale, calloused skin.

The man screamed again before Crane threw the offending object behind himself towards the door. It grasped at the ground, attempting to drag itself away.

The Scarecrow tilted his head. "It's not me you fear, is it?" He stepped out of the way of the opened door.

The arm flew past the hostage's head.

The Jester stepped into the man's view as he clenched and unclenched his hand. He moved his long wet hair out of his face, intricate clown-esque makeup peering down at the man from cold, mismatched eyes.

The man only needed to see the makeup before he began moving in his chair fruitlessly, attempting to escape the clown.

The Jester opened his mouth and looked down at the man, finger raised. "Ah, Coulrophobia. The fear of clowns." He half-smiled humorlessly. "I'm sure you'll love him then."

He moved out of the doorway, leash in hand as he led a twitching… _thing_ into the room. It was moving about frantically, sickly and splotchy brown hair covering it in odd places. It had old and disgusting clown makeup on its face. Brown spindly wings sprouted from its back.

It noticed the man and squealed, trying to dash towards him. The Jester allowed it to for a moment before reeling it back as it reached the man's face.

The man was breathing hard and heart pounding. Suddenly, the Scarecrow appeared out from behind the man out of the shadows. He stabbed the man in the side of the neck, pressing an odd yellow fluid into the poor victim's body.

The man took a deep breath and his eyes dilated. He turned back to the horrible creature. His eyes widened and he screamed even louder. The Jester was to his side in a moment, peering into the man's eyes.

"No one's coming to save you!" He put his free hand to his mouth as the thing squealed again. "HELP!" The Jester screamed. "No one!" He slapped the man and walked around him, talking all the while. "This is your end." He grabbed the creature by its stringy and non-abundant hair, pushing right into the man's face. It made more pig or bat-like sounds, spittle and blood showering the hostage.

His eyes widened even wider. He swallowed hard and twitched once more before he stopped moving.

The psychopaths' attention were drawn to the machine next to him making a long beeping sound.

"Oh well." The Scarecrow cooed warmly at the dead man. "He tried so hard."

The Jester joined the professor as they began to leave the room, releasing the leash. The creature pounced on the man, ripping into him.

The younger man stopped in the doorway. Reaching across his waist, he pulled a gun out and shot the thing in the back of the head, sending it crashing into the dead man and his chair.

* * *

><p>I flicked some water off of my hands into the sink. Reaching over, I grabbed a towel and finished wiping the water, sweat and blood off.<p>

"So, Crane," I began brightly as the doctor skimmed through his notes with a sharp eye. "I think that was a success."

The man hummed in agreement but didn't give any more attention to me. I rolled my eyes, deciding that the Scarecrow was still in control and wouldn't be much of a conversation carrier.

I left the room, eyes quietly surveying the warehouse.

It had been weeks since my experiments began and I was quite proud of the results.

The DNA was melding quite well as the goons and sporadic innocent civilians shifted quite brutally into Man-Bat like creatures. It had taken a fortune recently liberated from Cobblepot to retrieve the notes for Langstrom's mutagen projects.

At first it didn't even work. The subjects would stare at me for a moment then have a heart attack and die. After refining the compound repeatedly, they would finally transform at least a little bit. They would get what I would assume was halfway through the transformation and then keel over, disgusting brown creatures. After the next version of the mutagen, they would actually transform completely.

Of course, I had only just been able to keep a patient alive past a month. Easily the longest living one of the bunch, "Jojo" as I called him had survived two months and hadn't even _begun_ dying. Of course, before I shot him.

That's usually a good sign though.

I pulled a long white lab coat over my shoulders and walked down the few steps into the large metal room.

On the tables lay at least a dozen bodies. Some were wriggling, creatures in various forms of life. Others were still normal, albeit unconscious. A few were grey and lifeless, a motley of transformed, half transformed and normal beings, cut open to see what made them tick.

One side of the room a table with a box of donuts and a coffee maker sat, recently used.

And on the other side of the room…

There it was.

It was covered by a dark blue sheet. I had almost broken the glass in one of my now frequent rages. The professor decided that it would be best for my project if I didn't have to deal with the disappointment repeatedly.

I was angry quite a bit less now.

Sitting down in my chair I read over my notes. So, presumably, the creatures were feral because of the bat DNA fused within them. So, if I used something other than bat DNA, or even just messed with some poor schmuck's genetics their behavior would be different.

Presumably.

* * *

><p>Antonio was just some normal guy. He had a wife and two kids. Both of his kids were in high school now. His wife worked at the GCPD office, receiving emergency nine-one-one calls.<p>

He had just been released from his job as a construction worker. His family was running out of money and quick. His life had gone to hell.

But at least he still had his girls.

He reflected on this while staring into the flaming barrel, hands raised to capture the heat.

Ah, yes. The flames. He would imagine that that may have contributed to everything.

The art sitting in the barrel flicked towards the sky, red, orange and yellow hues greedily flickering in his eyes.

His attention shot forwards as a figure prowled forwards into the light of the fire, large coat wrapped around him, keeping the cold air away from his frame. Pale fingerless gloves hands extended towards the flames.

"Hey."

The single word was basic and completely underwhelming.

But the voice behind it… It was smug and haughty, cheerful and mirth filled.

Antonio had heard the voice before. At least, back when he had cable.

Almost as if he was reading the depressed man's mind, the stranger pulled his hood back, face painted white, shoulder length two-toned hair tied back in a bun. His tongue flitted to the corners of his lips, scars reaching across his cheeks.

The two didn't make any attempt at movement for another few minutes. The killer shrugged and dashed around the barrel towards Antonio.

The Italian man gasped as he realized the deadly implications of the action. The needle plunged into his neck. Ripping out the cylinder, the clown smirked and heaved the man up and dragged him back towards his black van by the homeless man's armpits.

* * *

><p>I continued to stare at the man lying on the metal bed. A blood filled IV was poked into his arm; the blood could be seen flickering every once in a while.<p>

It had been a few hours since the transfusion had taken place, and the effects hadn't seemed to happen yet. Perhaps it wasn't possible to play God…

My attention was drawn to the covered up tube on the other side of the room for a mere moment.

The man's screams promptly brought me back to reality. My head snapped back to the man now lying on the ground. He was arching his back and writhing, screams echoing throughout the warehouse.

His eyes snapped open, the irises and pupils glowing red embers. The top half of his patient's gown had burn to ashes lying around him, flickering and flaming red designs crisscrossing his shoulders and arms.

The ground beneath his hands and feet glowed from the pure heat he was exuding.

I backed away from him, eyes wide in shock. He seemed to focus on me and tried to rasp something.

I narrowed my eyes and took a couple of wary steps towards him. His mouth seemed to have completely lost all of its saliva and steam poured out as he moved his lips uselessly.

He flipped over and tried to drag himself towards me. His fingers dug into metal floors like it was dirt. I started to back away from him when all of a sudden the door slammed open.

Crane- no, the Scarecrow ducked his head in. "Dammit, Jester! Your project's incessant screaming frightened the civilians! The police are on their way- hide everything!"

He slammed the door shut and ran across the warehouse to his own laboratory.

I shook my head, blinked, and leaped over the man to the other side of the room. I punched in a series of numbers into an old password pad. A metal door opened up and the screeches immediately assaulted my ears.

I flinched and ran down a hallway, cages lining either side of me. Quietly counting, I took a head count of the screeching animal-people surrounding the area.

There were five more cages left empty. I nodded to myself and dashed out of the underground hallway.

Grabbing an old bag, I went through the room, unplugging and dumping everything into it. Going back and forth from the room, I hid all of the equipment in one of the cells.

I dashed out of the metal room and into the main room of the warehouse. Henchmen dashed to and fro as the Scarecrow hissed orders, moving chemical equipment to trucks at the entrance.

I paid them no heed and grabbed a black device sitting on an old table.

I clicked a button on it and spoke. "Charade? Charade, this is the Jester. I need you to come to the warehouse _now._" Not caring if he even heard the message, I dashed back into my laboratory and stared at the hissing and squirming man on the floor for a moment.

Reaching onto the table, I grabbed a thick metal sheet and grabbed his bare ankle.

He screamed hoarsely as the metal melded with his skin. I didn't care. I heaved him into the hallway and past all of the monsters. Throwing him into one of the empty cells, I fumbled for my keys and locked the door.

Ignoring the scream joining the screeches, I dashed back into the metal room.

"JESTER!"

I recognized the voice and ran towards the entrance of the warehouse.

The heavily coated soldier marched towards me, green dreads bouncing with each step. "Jester, what's going on?"

I gave him a man hug and led him back to the metal room, waving off the armed guards "escorting" him.

"We've been compromised. I need a huge favor from you."

He didn't miss a step. "Anything."

I nodded and ripped the blue sheet off of the liquid filled tube. "I need you to get this out of here. Get it out of here and to the Amusement Mile- but don't let Him or Harley find out about it."

He looked at it for a moment before dashing around it, unplugging the various cords attached to it.

I nodded and patted him on the shoulder. Running back into the main room I searched Crane's tall lank figure out. Finding it, I raised my hand to catch his attention and swiftly walked towards him.

He looked around at the now empty warehouse. "Assuming the Batman doesn't get here first, the cops will be here ETA ten minutes. I'd suggest we leave before then."

I looked to my left and gave a slight grin as my bodyguard wheeled the large tube out on a large trolley. He nodded at me and left the warehouse. After a few moments the sound of a truck could be heard starting and driving off.

My gaze shot back to the Scarecrow. "You go."

He raised an eyebrow.

"If someone doesn't take the fall, they'll search for us till judgement day."

His other eyebrow joined the first as his goons loaded into various trucks and vans. "And why, do tell, are you doing this?"

I laughed. "You're the only one smart enough to figure that out."

He scoffed and turned away as I dragged a chair in front of the warehouse door. The emptiness was suffocating.

He shook his head. "There is no honor among thieves, Jester. Remember that."

I let out an amused chuckle as he locked and closed the door, joining his goons in the escape.

* * *

><p>Gordon nodded at his lieutenant as the SWAT men and police surrounded the derelict building. He himself was wearing Kevlar for protection.<p>

The SWAT member shot the lock off of the door and opened it, his men pooling in.

They surrounded the lone figure sitting in the room. He was casually sitting on an old wooden chair facing the door in the vast space of the empty warehouse, clad in a black and green three piece suit. His hair was dyed black and green and swept behind him. His painted face betrayed only an ounce of amusement.

The police surrounded him, guns raised. He raised his hands almost smugly, slowly standing up. An officer came up behind him and grabbed his hands, cuffing them behind the man's back. An officer outside gave Gordon an okay and he strode in, eyes glued on the young man across from him.

"We've got you now, you bastard."

A grin covered the Jester's face.

* * *

><p>They had thrown me into a SWAT van. I was being taken across the city to Arkham. I was supposed to be held there overnight until they were sufficiently ready to interview me. I was the first suspect in a series of disappearances of alleged Joker goons and civilians alike. I repeatedly told them I hadn't an idea where they disappeared off to.<p>

I suggested they tried Istanbul.

I got the butt of a gun for that one.

* * *

><p>Bruce stood in the middle of the warehouse. Why hadn't Gordon waited like he told him to?<p>

He had surveyed and walked through the warehouse multiple times already and nothing had shown up about the missing people. On one side of the building a room with absolute darkness sat. Turning on the light revealed it covered in plastic, a lone chair covered in dried blood sat. He had sent a sample of it to GCPD and Alfred back at the manor.

Even stranger was the metal room on the opposite side of the building. It was a few feet deeper into the ground than the lowest level of the warehouse and metal tables lined three of the walls.

On one side of the room was an empty spot with multiple sockets and other such devices attached to the floor and wall.

On the opposite side, a coffee machine was set on one of the walls. A sticky note was placed on it that said _"Try some, it might help your gloominess; I don't like it though."_  
>A smiley face with its tongue sticking out was placed on another sticky note beneath the first.<p>

The Jester was quicker, cleaner and far more cunning than he had perhaps first thought since his return. He would have to visit the young clown at Arkham in a few hours.

God knew that the Joker was less than thrilled to see his son, last Bruce heard from the captured older psychopath.

**A/N: Yay, another chapter in under a month! That's gotta be some sort of record… anyways, not a lot to say about this chapter…**

**You guys getting tired of the random people I'm introducing and then immediately leaving out yet? Whatevs.**

_**New Voice Actor!:  
><strong>_

**Antonio: Marlon Wayans**

**Anyways, hope you guys (and gals) enjoyed the chapter! As always; read, review, LOL, and give me motivation!**

**-Your Esteemed and Totes McGoats Not Lazy Author, Infernokota**


	19. Good Night, Sleep Tight

"**Inside each of us, there is the seed of both good and evil. It's a constant struggle as to which one will win. And one cannot exist without the other."**

**-Eric Burdon**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing about this. Except for the story and the OCs… you guys can figure the rest out… (Psst… Wolf…)**

_Why did you do it?_

_The same reason I do everything… for the Lulz!_

* * *

><p>He stared at me. I stared back. His blood red lipstick was applied. Mine was scrubbed off. His hair was unkempt and sticking out at odd angles. Mine was tidy.<p>

The Joker and the Jester had reached a stalemate.

He slowly paced in front of his glass door, eyes dark like a predator's hunting prey. I like to imagine mine were as well. The feeling in the room was like that of two pride leading lions locked in a room together. It was only a matter of time until they collided.

"Gwynplaine!"

Ah, their nickname for him. His focus was slowly dragged away as a couple of armed guards came to take him away, where, I wasn't sure.

I watched him as he went, dark, hooded eyes peering around the edge of the door. After he disappeared from view, I walked back to my bed and lay down, concentration broken. I had stayed there for countless hours before the guards hailed me.

"Veidt! Front and center."

I tiredly dragged myself off of the bed eyes warily casted over the door.

Standing there was a _smoking_ babe, tall, standing straight, dark hair pulled back into a bun. She stared down at me casually, eyes cold behind her glasses.

I wolf whistled. "Well, _hello_ nurse!"

She barely reacted. "Introductions are in order, Mr. Whitaker," Her use of the name made me wonder if she had read my file and my irritation about it… or she was baiting me. "I am your new therapist, Dr. Reas." She pronounced it 'race'.

I gave her a grin. "You can call me 'puddin'."

Again, she didn't even flinch. "I'm very aware of Ms. Quinzel's-"

I lifted a finger. "_Dr._ Quinzel."

She merely blinked. "_Dr. _Quinzel's nickname for your father."

It was me who flinched first. "I'd prefer you not call him that. We're kind've going through a bad breakup right now," The grin returned to my face as quickly as it left. "That does leave me available though."

This time her brow slightly furrowed in irritation. "That is quite enough, Mr. Whitaker."

A scowl started creeping onto my face. "Don't call me that."

She raised an eyebrow. "Mr. Whitaker, I insist-"

"_Don't you ever use that name on me again._" I barked out.

Her face returned to the focused calm it originally was and she said nothing.

The scowl firmly planted on my face, I decided I most certainly didn't like her. After a moment, I forced a grin onto my face. I presumed it was closer to the Joker's than my own normal smile. "Of course, that's no way to be cordial to a lady. I would offer to buy you dinner in apology."

She adjusted her clipboard. "I insist that you give up the flirting."

The grin turned into a sneer. "_Of course_, I can always force you down, tear open your skirt and-"

She was hardly cowed. "Rape isn't in your M.O., Mr. Whitaker."

I snarled and flicked my wrist, a rather large blade sliding out of it. I lunged towards the glass door, stabbing it into the spot where her face was. The knife, of course, didn't make it through the plexiglass, the threat was the important part of it.

She didn't flinch as the knife stared her down from the other side.

As the guards prepared to come into my cell and confiscate the weapon (and more than likely hit me a few times), I stalked backwards, the scowl back on my face. I gave her my most hateful look. "Oh, I'm going to enjoy breaking you."

The guards rushed in.

* * *

><p>I stared across the table at her. She was sitting in a lavish chair whilst I was confined by chains to the wooden one.<p>

She stared back at me silently for a moment before reaching over and turning her recorder on.

"Dr. Reas, patient session number one, patient number 21401," She gave me a look. "So, how did this all start?"

I tilted my head at her, electing to play dumb. "Whatever could you mean, Doctor?"

She steepled her fingers, leaning forwards. "You are a remarkably smart man. I'm sure you know what I mean."

I shrugged in the handcuffs and looked up at the camera for a moment before looking back down at her. "I already told the last shrink; my new parents took me from my old parents at the bank when I was young."

She leaned back in her chair. "Yes, you did tell that story. A very convincing one by the way. But, not a true one."

My head slowly tilted further.

She continued. "While it is true that your 'mother and father'", She made air quotations to my irritation. "Stole from that bank that year, and that there were survivors and that one of the survivors' children, Jacob Whitaker _had_ disappeared, you aren't him." I blinked. "His kidnapper came forward a few months ago when you were, quite publically, returned to the States. He brought the deceased teen forwards and is facing life imprisonment for the kidnapping and murder." She leaned forwards. "Who are you?"

* * *

><p>Who was I? I was the Jester. The hated son of the Joker and Harley Quinn. I didn't think I needed to be anything else. I sat up on my bed, thoughts encircling me. But what did I <em>want<em> to be? What was I _destined_ to be? I wanted to be powerful. I wanted to be loved, feared, praised and cursed in the same sentence. I wanted to be bigger than I was. I wanted followers, people bowing at my feet. I wanted the world- I wanted other worlds. I wanted to have Darkseid bend over backwards in fear. I wanted other versions of myself to recognize my power.

I shot off of my bed and began pacing.

_You want to be a god._ The voice hissed.

Suddenly all there was was darkness.

There were… _things_ poking me; cold, dead wisps brushing against my skin.

_You want __**power**__. _Another voiced whispered.

_We can give you power._

_All you need to do is take us._

_Accept us._

_Let us in._

_**Bow **__to us._

I snarled. "I bow to nothing."

There was a chorus of hissing laughter.

_They never do._

_Not at first._

_But you will take us._

_They always do._

_We hold __**everything**__ you desire._

Suddenly an image of a young blonde girl appeared in the darkness. She smiled at me lovingly, adoration and respect apparent in her eyes. Then an image of me with one sleeve torn off, left arm completely black with odd yellow blinking things, like eyes. His other arm was draped over a woman with white and purple hair's shoulders.

_We have raised many others._

_They all have given everything and taken more._

_They were gods._

_**You need to bow.**_

I snarled. "If need be, I'll _take_ from _you._"_  
><em>

They laughed again.

_We'll wait._

_Patient._

_Eternally._

_When you are weak, you'll call to us._

_When you lose everything, you'll call to us._

_When you merely __**want**__ everything… you'll call to us._

"No. He won't." The new voice was deeper, more solid, filled with legitimate mirth compared to the darkness' malicious amusement.

I looked up. Was that… AC/DC?

The voices let out a collective hiss before disappearing entirely. The darkness was traded out with blinding light and I shut my eyes to shield from it. There was the suddenness of a presence in front of my face.

"All you've got to do is- _wake up._"

The presence made a sharp snapping sound and the light immediately faded.

I was standing in the middle of my room. If the light outside was any indication, it was nighttime. Hours after I had come in here.

I immediately lay down and went to bed.

I had dealt with enough weird shit in my life.

* * *

><p>Dr. Reas looked over her glasses at me, face carefully precise and professional. "I've heard odd things about nightmares. Is that true?"<p>

I tiredly blinked. My eyes were no doubt baggier than they had been, tire written in every ounce of my being. "Yeah."

She sighed through her nose and took her glasses off before looking back up at me. "Are you alright?"

She was probably referring to my appearance. I gave a dozey smile. "I'm fine. Nightmares only keep me up from midnight to six."

They were of the oddest things; past experiences, particularly centered around the Titans, things stalking me from outside my cell, wants and goals for the future. All with a dark twist at the end. The Titans would be murdered, I would be murdered, and then I would be murdered in the future.

Once, though, I had a normal dream. I was older, a few years at least and I had the black arm that was a constant in the dreams, but… I wasn't afraid of it. The voices cowered and bent to my will, fearing _me_. I used them as a weapon. My attitude was darker, but I had won. I'd beaten them.

That was the first good sleep I had in days.

She nodded. "That's good," She looked around her desk. "I'll write you a prescription for sleeping pills. You're not getting any better half dead."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion for a moment before closing them wearily. I had probably said that out loud.

She had the guards drag me back to my cell and I did so without complaint. They (roughly) put me on my bed and left me there, half-asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

><p>"Hold the corridor!"<p>

My eyes snapped open quickly, awoken from a particularly bloody nightmare. The red emergency lights were on, giving the asylum an eerie glow. Fitting, I suppose.

The doors were open.

I dragged myself to my feet and out into the large hall, weariness already plaguing me. I convinced myself that this was a perfectly normal occurrence. Whether it was about the asylum or the nightmares, I wasn't quite sure.

Frantic giggling caught my attention.

I turned around and stared at the other end of the hall. There He was, in all of his glory; purple suit immaculate to his tall thin figure, green hair combed back lazily, large handgun raised and pointed at my head. She was there too, clinging to his waist incessantly.

I said nothing.

His laughter seemed to grow wilder and louder with each passing second.

He took a moment to straighten up as she stood there silently.

I rolled my orange prison sleeves up and was painfully aware how underprepared for this encounter I was.

"Well, bucko, it's been fun," He said, waving his gun about. "And, you know, I tried really hard. I did. I suppose not every parent can be successful in their job, isn't that right, Harls?"

She gave a tentative and slight nod.

He continued. "You know, this is going to be very hard for me. Kind've like putting down old psycho Yeller."

I gave a small sneer and looked down, muttering underneath my breath. "How is that even a thing?"

He lined the gun up with my forehead and closed his eye, taking aim. "It's been real, kiddo."

His finger curled around the trigger and she twitched. In that moment I strode forward. She knocked the gun sideways, sending the bullet flying by me harmlessly.

His lip curled and he half turned to her, elbowing her in the nose hard and sending her to the ground. He gave a short, barking laugh before turning back to me.

I had already reached him. My fist struck out and slammed hard into his nose.

He dropped the gun and reeled backwards, hand clutching his face. Blood trickled out from between his fingers and onto his white gloves.

"That hurt!" He yelled nasally.

My lip twitched. "It was supposed to."

He snarled and flicked his wrist, a switchblade sliding out and into his palm. He raised it and slowly started towards me.

I put my hands up into a defensive stance and began backing up. If I could reach the security station, I could get _some_ kind've advantage. He darted to the left and stalked towards me. Pushing me away from the security room.

Damn he's smart.

My eyes darted to the entrance where I was originally going. With him cutting me off from the security station left the entrance unblocked. I started quickly, sprinting full speed towards it. A small grin cracked my face as I almost made it without him catching up.

Then the Batman crashed through the glass.

"Fuck!" I swore.

I skidded to a stop and turned on my heel trying to get back further into the asylum. And of course, He was there in my way.

"_Fuck!_"

I stopped myself as he started laughing. Batman had frozen in the entrance, sizing up the situation.

It was certainly a bad one.

My attention flitted between the two of them. It begged the question of who started the breakout.

"Tig old bitties, Batman!" He yelled out. "You ruined my reunion!"

See? That was easier. The dick had caused a breakout just to kill me.

"Douche." I sent his way.

He raised his knife like he was making a point. "Language."

I rolled my eyes.

My head flitted back as a batarang flew by my face. I watched its path as it soared into my father's hand, knocking the knife out of it.

Batman was over to me in a flash. He grabbed me in a headlock and hit me hard in the head once. With me unfocused, he threw me into Him. He laughed and pushed me back at the Batman. The Dark Knight rolled over my back and punched Him in the throat before going to work, his cape blocking most of my view.

I shook my head and dragged myself towards him. I pushed past Batman as he tensed up. I waved him off and looked at my beaten up father for about a millisecond before something hard and metallic smashed into my forehead. There was a horrified gasp and the clattering of something metal on the floor.

I didn't even have time to make a witty comment before I fell to the ground, unconscious.

_See?_

_Even your beloved mother doesn't love you._

_You've lost everything.  
><em>

_Your pride._

_Your lineage._

_Life as you knew it.  
><em>

_Your pitiful experiment will fail too.  
><em>

_Or, if your idiocy works, she'll hate you.  
><em>

_You, the murderer.  
><em>

_You, the betrayer._

_You, the liar._

_You, Loki-son._

_But,_

_If you come with us we can change that._

It was the goddamned darkness.

There was the laughing again.

_There is no God here._

_Only us._

_Only Hell._

How cute. They were finishing each other's sentences.

_Joke however you please, Wolf._

_You'll still come to us._

_You always do._

_Always do._

_**Always.**_

I bolted up into a sitting position. I was in the asylum's infirmary, an ice pack taped to my forehead. A nurse yelped as I sat up, dropping a clipboard. I blinked and quietly waved her off, lying back down.

At this rate, I was going to kill these spirits, demons, whatever they were, myself.

Because I had already seen the truth. And I would take it myself.


	20. The Sad Tale of Doctor Reas

"**When I go to Batman movies, I always think, 'Man, I would like to be a bad guy in a Batman movie.' especially as they got darker when they go to the Christian Bale era." **

**-Denis Leary**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Really. I've been telling you this for twenty chapters, why don't you believe me?**

_I couldn't tell you where I went wrong._

_When you brought more of your kind into this world, I would say._

* * *

><p>The man wheezed and sat up. The cacophonous screeching was a dull background sound. All he could hear was the crackle and roar of a nice fire. He groggily put a hand to his forehead before immediately pulling it away, gasping at the surprising warmth. He couldn't recall being sick enough to have such a high fever.<p>

He managed to heave himself to the back cement wall. Sitting against it, he felt immediately queasy. Lurching over, he vomited onto the cold floor. The bile burned coming up.

As soon as it hit the ground, it began sizzling and smoking. He leaned away from it and stared at the orange-ish substance in horror. He shut his eyes tightly and shook his head, a horrible pounding and burning feeling behind his eyes. He reached up and grabbed at a bar on the side of the cell. Immediately, something lunged at his fingers. He yelped and pulled his hand back towards him, scuttling to the other side of the cage.

The monster screeched and leapt around its own cage, furiously swiping at its mouth which was now smoking like the vomit.

He blinked and reached at another bar and tried to pull himself up. His hand went flying back down towards him. He turned his head towards the bar and with an absolutely befuddled feeling, looked at the small hole in the bar, molten red dripping at the edges of the now bisected bar.

He grabbed his head and shook it, hands clenching and unclenching his dark hair. Getting onto his knees, he pushed himself onto his feet. Swaying for a moment, he stumbled towards the door, oblivious of the fiery footsteps left in his wake.

He winced at the pain in his head and hesitantly reached a hand out towards the steel bars.

The metal melted in his hands. He concentrated for a moment and moved his hands about. They turned whatever they touched into molten lava, dripping onto the floor. After a few seconds of moving about, the door was sufficiently melted enough for him to fit through.

Standing in the hallway, he cast an eye around the monstrous creatures around him, hissing and slamming themselves into the bars, trying to get to him. Despite the horrible and uncomfortable warmth invading his body, his mind was oddly cleared.

There was the pure objective of reaching the outside world, get to the air. He really, really needed some air.

Trudging forwards, he slowly regained his composure, straightening up as he walked forwards. Reaching a metal door, he tapped a makeshift looking pad next to it. It didn't turn on.

He frowned and turned back to the door. Flexing and unflexing his hands for a moment, he straightened one out and touched against the door. Slowly, but surely, his hand impaled the door. Spending a good half hour trying to cut a hole into it, he finally succeeded and stepped into yet another metal room, empty with the sole exception of some tables and a hot coffee machine.

_Fire is an amazing element, isn't it, Antonio?_

He gripped his head in his hands closed his eyes tightly, the memories foggy and unclear.

_It takes everything, the air, the land, lives, hopes and memories… and yet is as beautiful as it is destructive._

He fell to one knee, a mental barrage attacking him.

_Of course, you'd know all about that, Mr. DiMaggio._

He screamed and stood up, smashing his back against a wall. His head whipped forwards and something fell out of it.

He narrowed his eyes at it and picked it up. It was a small wireless earplug. The voice was coming from it.

He shook his head. This man was insane.

Antonio held a hand against his forehead, trying to assuage the migraine away. Stumbling forwards, his mind kept flashing to images.

His family being burned alive.

He let out a loud gasp and straightened up. He hadn't thought about hurting anyone since he started taking the medicine. It was a horrifying thought, one he was not willing to entertain.

He needed to get to them though. He hadn't known how long he was out, but they had to have been worried at this point, right? His head twitched and he fell to one knee. There was this horrible burning sensation inside of him.

He looked towards the ceiling and screamed as the room was engulfed in flames.

* * *

><p>"May I ask what happened to your eye?"<p>

I looked disinterestedly at her. "Hm?"

Dr. Reas sighed. "Your eye, 21401."

_He wasn't laughing._

I cocked my head at her. "Not much of a story to tell."

'_Next time you emasculate me in front of my friends, you'll think of this, won't you?'  
><em>

"Well, your records don't indicate a history of heterochromia iridum." She said, flipping through a folder.

_I screamed as he gassed my face with his signature chemical. I knew for a fact that it wouldn't kill me, but it hurt so much. My left eye hurt the most; I hadn't had time to close it._

I leaned back in my chair. "It's personal."

_Hours later I came to, having knocked out from the pain. He was hovering over me, a broad grin plastered across his face. 'You know, I may regret having done that, but your eye sure as Hell looks worth it.'_

She looked at me from over her glasses. "Did your… did He do that to you?"

I closed my eyes. "No."

_I glared at him. I wouldn't let him push me around like he did my mother. _

"_Oh, get over yourself," He said with a slight chuckle. "We're more alike every day!" He pointed to his own green eyes and laughed._

She was silent for a minute. "Has He ever…"

"Beaten me?" I offered, eyes still closed.

"Yes."

I sighed deeply. "No."

"Really?"

"Yeah; I wouldn't stick around like my mom does. He's smart and he knows that. Never really tried, I don't think."

She scribbled down some notes. "But he does beat your mother."

I scoffed. "That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" She opened her mouth to talk before I cut her off. "Before you ask… yeah. I do think he loves her."

She sat back in her chair silently.

"He loves her like Da Vinci loved the Mona Lisa. She's his bed warmer, but as much as he'd hate to admit it, he'd lose a little bit of himself if she left. He also gets extremely jealous," I laughed. "I remember one time, this was before me, by the way, my mom started going _really_ crazy and doing all this stuff that he would've approved of without him telling her to do it. He started, like, legitimately falling in love with her and he tried to send her to the moon to make the feelings stop. It failed, of course, but the fact remains."

She sighed. "Be straight with me for a moment, 214201, how do I know you're telling me the truth in these sessions?"

I gave her a dead look. "Why do you ask?"

"Not only are you a classifiable pathological liar who _loves_ to lie, you also obviously don't like me and yet you're being so carefree right now."

I tried to hold my hands up. "You got me, doc. I'm just a scumbag who wants to murder you brutally," I leaned forwards. "I'm human too, you know, and even if I'd rather see you six feet under than make friends with you, I need some social interaction. I didn't come back from that underground prison the same man that went into it."

She stared at me for a moment before looking at her notes. "Obviously not."

I gave her a look. "What does that mean?"

"Shortly before your five year incarceration, you played the role of a renowned anti-hero 'the Ace of Spades'. You willingly served alongside five other young heroes and repeatedly saved a city. Before that, you had _one_ murder on your record. Now? You are the first, and highly assumed, suspect in the disappearance of over a fifty Gothamites. That's not a man; that's a mon-"

I lunged forward, my handcuffs picked and unlocked. She had royally pissed me off. I slammed my hands on her desk and she pressed a panic button.

"You think you know a monster?! I'LL SHOW YOU A GODDAMNED MONSTER! What my father did to Quinn will look like _child's play _when I'm done with you!" I felt everything slip away. There was just her and me. My rage slowly continued to build. "I'll take you down, throw you around-" Guards grabbed my shoulders and tried to pull me away. I jerked my arms loose and shut my eyes tightly, a look of pure hate gracing my face. "GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!" They made sounds of shock. I moved right into her slightly terrified face. "What's it feel like? Took the wrong man, watch your life fall apart- NOW YOU'RE LOOKING DOWN THE WRONG ROAD! Now you'll pay, a price for _you alone_- the only deal you'll find; I'll gladly take your soul!"

The guards tried to grab me again and I elbowed one in the head while kicking the other's knee out. "While it seems sick," I nodded quickly. "Sober up quickly- a _monster_ crushing you within your own mind. Shame you found out when it was too late; but we're all the same. Trapped inside, an _INFERNO _AWAITS! Your evil thoughts can run, but I _will_ help release its mind- I'll peel away the skin, _reveal your dark within._"

Her calm demeanor was broken and she moved her chair out of the way and backed against the wall as I crawled over the desk.

"This is now your life!" I gestured to the mess I'd made. "Strike you from your 'light'!" I added, nodding vehemently. "You'll die buried alive! This is now your life; what's it feel like?"

The guards had grabbed me, two more joining the rest and were dragging me away while I kicked and continued to talk to her, my eyes wide and maniacal. "This isn't now just your life- IT'S YOUR FUCKING NIGHTMARE!"

The guard slammed the door, blocking my view of her. I went limp in their arms, tired and drained. That was not what I had meant to do.

They roughly threw me into my cell after giving me a heavy dose of muscle relaxer. I was off in la-la land in moments.

"_You're not what I thought you'd be."_

"_What?" I asked._

"_Wait, you can hear me?"_

_I was confused. "Yeah… you're in my head."  
><em>

_"Shit!"  
><em>

I bolted to a sitting position, breathing hard. I was even more exhausted from that weird little dream.

I rubbed my eyes. It was presumably night if my body's hate for me was evidence enough.

This was going to be a long stay.

* * *

><p>She took a deep steadying breath and smoothed out her dress. This was the least looked forwards to part of her week. He was… different now. He'd been aggressive before, but their last session, he was… what she was expecting when she took the case a few weeks ago.<p>

She wanted the Joker case, honestly. But they wouldn't let her because she was new. She had insisted that she would be fine, but they said the last one that had said that was sitting in the Woman's Wing.

That was supposed to be a joke, she assumed.

Angeline Reas curled and uncurled her fists nervously as they exited the elevator and made their way through the Maximum Security wing. He was just down the hall.

"_You should've known, our price of evil…_"

His voice was softer than she remembered it being, and incredibly melodic as he sang. Listening to it, she inwardly remarked that he could've been a singer in another life.

"_And it hurts to know that you belong here, yeah_…"

She was getting closer to his cell and he knew it. These words were very familiar to her.

"_No one to call, everybody to fear; your tragic fate is looking so clear, yeah_…"

She was mere feet away.

"_Ooh_…"

She entered his line of sight and he was staring at her with a smug grin.

"_It's your fucking nightmare_." He laughed to cap it off.

She gave a start and froze in place. By God… he _was_ trying to break her. He couldn't possibly know how their last session haunted her.

Well, she wouldn't let him have the same satisfaction his father had over Harleen.

"214201." She greeted curtly.

He just smiled silently at her.

**A/N: Hola, mi amigos! How's everyone doing tonight, morning, afternoon- whatever. Listen, sorry this one's really short but I just felt like I needed to get something out to you guys with it nearing a month since the last chapter, I think. Anyways, I don't really have anything to ramble on about today, but... real quick, I just wanted to say- go read Less Than Zero by Kenshi618. It's a Batman(esque) story that's a helluva lot more well written and significantly funnier, I'd say; I enjoyed it at least. Anyways, next chapter we'll probably go ahead and take a break from all this angst and shit that's enveloped the story recently, and trust me it has, and go for something Crack-filled. Like, Tony Montana Crack-filled. Anyways, keep an eye out for that and... Ace of Spades Mutliverse story! You know you're interested...**

**-The Chessmaster, Infernokota**


	21. Absolution

***WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! GO TO YOUTUBE AND PLAY ABSOLUTION BY WEST ONE MUSIC IMMINENTLY AND PUT IT AT 1:30!***

The man's eyes washed over the city. From his perch on a gargoyle high up, he could see everything.

Hear everything.

Screams and gunfire.

Lifeless bodies.

He wiped at his mouth, white and black makeup coming off of it from the rain pouring down on him. Black and green hair tumbled down his head like a broken crown. Mismatched eyes watched Gotham in an unnoticeable mix of delight, horror and shock. Those eyes reflected the light.

The light of a city of red rage and fire.

He stood up on the statue and felt his mind go numb. One step forwards.

Two.

Three.

His shoes hung off the edge of the gargoyle.

He looked to the rainy skies and breathed.

"_Gotham will crumble-_"

* * *

><p>"All hail the Clown Prince."<p>

**Returning this Christmas**


	22. Duela

"**On this anniversary, I want you to know how much I've enjoyed annoying you this entire time and how excited I am to keep doing this in the future."**

**-Anonymous**

**Pre-Author's Note A/N: You guys didn't think I forgot about ya, did you?**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own lies. Lies of happiness, candy, crack, Wolf and other such lovely things**

_What if I told you she was here?_

_You shut your fucking mouth._

_I see._

* * *

><p>Ow.<p>

Ow.

Ow.

I stumbled back against the brick building behind me. The Batman glowered down at me, fury written in his eyes.

"Where is he?"

I spat a wad of blood at the ground. "I don't know who you're talking about."

"Robin," He growled out. "Where is he? Where's the Joker?!"

I winced. "Bat, I don't know where_ He_ is."

The Bat grabbed my throat and shoved me against the wall. "You know Him though! Give me something."

I gripped his wrist, wheezing out "If you kill me, I'll never be-"

He threw me on the ground before I could finish.

I stumbled onto my feet and adjusted my coat. "I don't know where Bird Brain or the Joker are. Harley's still in Arkham though. Check with her. That's all I've got."

As I moved to turn on my heel, I heard him move towards me. Halfway spun, I reached into my pocket and clicked the top of the gas grenade.

The alleyway quickly filled with green smoke. Quicker than I could've thought, the Batman disappeared upwards out of the smoke. I snorted and tried to wave some of the smoke out of my face.

Turning, I kicked the door to the brick building open. It looked like a kitchen, with a short and wide window looking out into a diner.

A rather portly chef yelped in surprise as I stepped in. I clamped my hand onto his mouth and put my finger to my mouth, shushing him. He stared horrified at me and whimpered.

I grin and nodded before slamming his head into the vent above a grill. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed onto the ground. I propped him against the door and chuckled. "Push _his_ fatass out of the way, Bat."

I stepped cautiously around the kitchen, looking for anyone else that could give my presence away. I stopped and listened intently. Other than the sound of a couple people eating their dinners on the other side of the building, the night was quiet now. Which was a good sign that the Bat had split for whatever reason.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I stepped through the swinging doorway and into the small diner. Other than a few confused glances at my scars and a few phones at the ready, no one really reacted to my presence.

Cool. The fewer people that reported me, the better. I still needed to get to the Amusement Mile. I was currently under the hope that Charade was as competent as I considered him as, then the experiment could possibly…

I cut the thought off coldly. Building hope where there was none was foolish.

But alas, the fact of the matter remained; before someone sent me back to the madhouse, I needed to get to the Joker's territory. The thought was exhilarating, truly.

He was the entire reason why I was out of the Asylum in the first place. He was hellbent on 'putting me down', like I was some sort of rabid animal. I chuckled as I stepped out into the cold of Gotham.

The idiot couldn't even find his pants without someone to do it for him. His thoughts were chaotic and short-lived; plans would be made and put into action, only to be replaced halfway through- usually at the expense of his men.

On top of it all, _I knew him. _He didn't have that advantage. He wasn't a complete idiot; war against me would collapse him with a snap of my fingers.

My grin faded. His one advantage?

Meat.

* * *

><p>Charade skirted through the thin alleyways with ease, shotgun held at the ready. A ski jacket covered his painted-red armor and his bandanna was pulled over his nose as he tried to block out the cold Gotham was so pertained to.<p>

Every so often, he would scratch a smiley face into the side of a building with a piece of chalk. He'd organized this… whatever you'd call it because his charge, the Jester, had somehow gotten a letter to him. It was coded, and had taken him hours to decipher.

The message? _Gather all your close friends, all of the Joker's unhappy goons, all of my supporters. Meet in the warehouse at the pier._

Charade didn't know what exactly the Jester was planning, or even if this was a true meeting and not a trap; but the man had faith. As little as that meant to him now.

He'd spent the last week slowly getting the attention of anyone he could think of under the Jester's criteria and had decided on slowly winding his way around the Amusement Mile, creating a long maze-like route for the others to follow.

Struggling to slide open the frozen door, he eventually came to terms with the small slit he'd created and squeezed through the opening and into the small building.

He huddled in the room and waited.

Slowly they trickled in, roughly 30 of the Joker's henchmen, ranging from bottom feeders to some of the Joker's elite.

They stared at each other untrustingly and gathered into small groups and sectioned themselves off, talking quietly amongst each other.

_Like high schoolers._ Charade mused irritatedly.

Eventually, after what seemed like forever, a slighter figure than the rest slid into the warehouse and rather easily slid the large door closed with a slam.

The noise got the attention of the men and they slowly hushed down as the man stripped himself of his fur coat and walked through the crowd to the front of the room.

They stared at him in varying levels of shock.

The young man's face was painted in white, black on his eyes and a jagged black smile stretching across his face from ear to ear. The smile was distorted by a grizzly line running through it from the corners of his mouth the middle of his cheeks. His long black hair was wet and combed backwards with a small shock of green dye on the right side. He was wearing a green dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up and a black vest with a black tie. Black gloves matched black pants and boots. A gold chain hung from his waist.

The Jester grinned as he reached the front of the building.

"Sup."

* * *

><p>The group of men stared at me. They were in what almost looked like shock. I clapped my hands together. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, welcome! I'm sure you don't need introduction from me, but… I will anyways. You may know me as the Joker's son. Dash that thought away. My name is the Jester. I've gathered you all here to propose."<p>

They continued to silently stare.

I shook my head. "I'm here to propose a succession. The Joker's power wanes as his ranks thin and eventually, you're all minus a job and in jail."

They stared, faces now filled with incomprehension.

I was silent for a moment before I began to pace across the room. "Think of it like two stars. The Joker is the established star, a shining light that encompasses all that it touches and gives the feeling of warmth. Then a new sun is born and things change. Soon, space gets too hot and everything near them becomes endangered of dying. But, one day, the established star runs out of fuel and supernovas; dying and destroying everything it once protected, and what doesn't get destroyed is killed by the ensuing black hole. But, once the aftermath dies down and the black hole disappears forever, new life is found around the new sun. And new empires are born."

The men shuffled in their spots rather uncomfortably.

I put my hands out like I was holding something, losing myself in the passion of the speech. "I'm offering a way out! An escape route from the Joker's supernova! You don't have to die like the rest! You are the survivors!"

The small crowd seemed to grow in intensity.

"You are the kings and emperors!"

Charade looked at me from the side, head raised appraisingly.

"You are the ones who find glory where there is only death!"

Someone yelled out a 'yeah!'

I pushed a crate out of the way and strolled into the group who had parted down the middle. "Now, will you die like dogs?"

The men let out a 'no!"

I raised my hands into the air. "Or will you thrive like kings?!"

The crowd let out a loud cheer.

I grinned and let out a long, hissing 'shh'…

The crowd fell silent and I stood proud, standing back at the front of the room. "When you come into my house, in my territory, you become my family. And when you are a Jackal, you are the scavengers of the dead; you are my kin. But when you are a Jackal, there is no other family, no other kin. I'm not asking you to be monks, you can fuck all you'd like; but you swear to me your utmost loyalty. And I swear to you mine. Now, if you're on board, please! Step forwards."

I wait for a moment.

One man a face painted man with a white hoodie; white camo pants tucked into combat boots and a baseball bat slung over his shoulder stepped forwards.

I grinned. "What's your name?"

He spat on the ground and I grimaced. He inclined his head at me. "N'me's Chains."

I held my grin. "Pleasant. Welcome aboard!"

He stepped next to me as Charade joined us. My guardian looked at me and nodded. "Well done."

I smirked and turned towards the group who seemed to be talking to themselves again. Then, slowly, group by group, they stepped forwards. I chuckled. "Oh, boys, good things are in store now."

One group stood at the back of the building though, staring defiantly at me. One stepped forwards. "We ain't joinin' no prissy come-upper. And when we tell the boss that you're here, he'll be pretty happy."

I sent a sidelong look at my new gang. "You want to kill in my name?" I turned to the group left by the door. "Here's your start."

The one goon, Chains, stepped forwards with a grin. "I didn' like them anyways."

The rest of the men slowly edged forwards behind him. The group at the back were now beginning to panic. One tried in vain to open the door. I laughed. "You didn't think that these were my only friends, did you?"

As my men pounced on the smaller group, Charade turned to me and walked away from the mauling. "Sir?"

I turned to him. "Hm?"

The tall man led me out the back door of the building, back into the snow. Re-covering myself in my jacket I stared out at the falling snow.

Charade swung his shotgun from his side into his hands. "It's this way."

I nodded and followed him as he led away from the murder inside the warehouse.

* * *

><p>He led the way into the warehouse, quietly and meticulously opening the door. Peering into the darkness for a moment, he apparently decided that the coast was clear and walked in, flipping a switch and illuminating the small building in blinding light.<p>

Sitting against one wall was the tube. Its glass was coated in a thick layer of frost, but it appeared to be functional as lights beeped on it.

My guardian stood at the door as I hesitantly stepped forwards.

One step. Two. Three.

I stood in front of the machine and my heart dropped.

The heart monitor was flat. Nothing was alive in there.

I sighed deeply and touched my hand against the glass window. My arms dropped and I let out a sad laugh.

Then froze.

Something was on the other side, floating in the green liquid. My eyes widened.

"No way."

I fervently wiped the frost away, my eyes widening more as I went. "No. No…"

I took a step backwards in shock.

Floating in the tube was a little girl, 5 or 6 years old with long blonde hair. She was curled up in a ball.

My eyes shot from the heart monitor to the girl. My chest huffed in fury and I narrowed my eyes at the machine. I looked to the sky. "Not this one, you bastard."

I slammed my hand against the control console and the tube door swung upwards. The liquid came crashing out, slamming into my legs and almost taking me off of my feet.

I gritted my teeth and held my ground, grabbing the girl before she could ride the water out. I took my jacket off and placed it on the ground. Setting her on it, I rubbed my hands together and faltered. I opened my mouth to call for Charade before he crouched down next to me.

He was staring at the girl. He looked to me and elbowed me out of the way. "Move."

I shakenly nodded and stumbled to my feet and away from them.

Standing away from Charade and the girl, I wiped my face and noticed white flaking on my glove. My facepaint was coming off. I was sweating.

I was… nervous?

No. Terrified.

Worry flooded my being as scenarios shot through my mind.

She was dead. After all this…

She couldn't die.

Charade's head whipped around towards me. "In my bag by the door. Emergency kit. Get it."

I strolled quickly across the room, retrieved the bag, and made my way back, placing it at his side. He rummaged through it and pulled out a small machine. Placing pads on two smaller devices connected to it, he turned the machine on and listened as it gave him instructions.

Rubbing the iron-like things together, he pressed it against her chest and the machine beep and she jolted. No reaction.

I pressed my hand hard against my mouth. There was no way.

Charade closed his eyes and breathed out hard. Then placed the defibrillators on her again.

A jolt.

She gasped hard and her eyes fluttered open for a moment. Sky blue eyes.

Charade let his head drop back and let out a breath.

I let out a gasping laugh and slid to my knees by the child's side. Wrapping my jacket around her, I picked her up and held her close. "Duela. That's your name, baby girl."

Charade was busy gathering the emergency items back into his bag. Rising to my feet, I looked at him in admiration. "Thank you, Charade. I…"

He held a hand up to me. "Don't. Get her out of here and somewhere warm. I'll get the boys out of the Mile and meet you at the Alibi."

I nodded shakily. He returned the nod and swept out of the building quickly.

I let out a shuddering breath and held Duela tight to me.

* * *

><p>The man stumbled through the dark street. His footprints left sizzling melted concrete. Lava dripped onto the side walk from behind his hands covering his face.<p>

A woman stepped forwards. "… Are you alright?"

He pulled his hands away from his face and she screamed. His eyes were pools of orange, like they were filled with lava. His mouth was filled with the magma, overflowing and spilling out of his open lips.

As she ran away, he fell to a knee and reached a hand out towards her.

Moments later, a police car pulled up hard and a cop jumped out of the driver's seat and held his gun on the hood of the cab. "Sir, put your hands up!"

The mutated man slowly raised his hand and the area around the car and cop erupted into flames. The man stared in horror as the cop screamed out in agony and fire engulfed the police car.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: In the words of the great Greek philosopher, Joseph Kerr 'I'm here, bitches!' If you're still here with me and still interested, then I thank you for your patience. If you're a new guy/girl, then this doesn't really concern you anyways. As you may probably have figured, I've been on a hiatus for the past few months. It's been an incredibly shitty year, and I'm hoping that with this, a new year can begin and I can fucking get over this crap. I'm not promising that I'm going to be back with constant updates, but I'm back to at least trying. That's really all I've got. Leave your comments, opinions and criticisms in the review thing, or whatever. Also, new official Twitter account under either 'Infernokota' or 'TheKingZafford'. I'm not quite sure.**

**Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Holidays, or whatever. It's fucking five here, and I can't think at all.**

**-Your Fucking Exhausted Author, Infernokota**


	23. New Year Parodies, Bitch

**Pre-Author's Note A/N: No, this is not a surprisingly soon chapter. The legit next chapter is nowhere near done, so I decided to do a little deal to get you guys through the New Year. Hopefully, this'll go up at midnight Mountain Time (so… sorry everyone else.) With that, this is a little fun chapter cataloguing every previous chapter in a parody way. Kind've like a love child between Throwback Thursday and New Year's. So, without further ado, enjoy.**

**-Infernokota**

**Disclaimer: This is all my shit. I'm making fun of myself. Allow me to have this.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize how much the Jester talks out of his ass…<strong>_

**Prologue**

"Well, doc, it all started a very long time ago…"

"Mmhm."

"… I was a young lad, frolicking through the daisy fields…"

"Mmhm."

"Then everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked."

"Mmhm."

"So, my allies and I discovered the aliens' weaknesses. The common cold, it turned out."

"Mmhm."

"So, when the invaders were pushed back, I felt it was time to revisit my boxing career. To my surprise though, the aliens left us robotic technology, right?"

"Mmhm."

"So, I led my son and I as we created an underdog robot that almost beat the Robot World Champion!"

"Mmhm."

"Well, after that, my son and I became estranged."

"Mmhm."

"So I replaced him with an apprentice and we slowly grew apart as I pretty much adopted this boxer kid. A real tommy gun, that guy."

"Mmhm."

"Well, my son and I came back together and I ended up in a random street fight with my former apprentice- that I won of course."

"Mmhm."

"Well, then I met another young boxer. Don't remember his name. Kept calling me Paul Giovanni. Anyways, he was an Irish guy and eventually we fought the world champion at the time, some dude named 'Bear'."

"Mmhm."

"Well, now that you mention it, outside of my boxing career, I led a group of robbers. A real double life."

"Mmhm."

"But that's not important. The real perk of my life was when I fought in World War 2 as a tank gunner. My crew were hard on me at first, but we eventually got along. Hell, they even gave me a nickname; 'M…' actually, I don't remember what it was."

"Mmhm."

"But my plane was shot down!"

"Mm, really."

"Yep. I spent over a month at sea. After that, we were captured by the Japanese…"

"Mmhm."

"Oh poor Lieutenant Winters! He was too young to be at Normandy."

"Mmhm. Now, how does that make you feel?"

"Well… well… it reminds me of that time I starred in _every porn movie ever_."

"What?!"

"Gotcha."

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize how silly the Joker bringing the untrained Jester on a heist is…<strong>_

**Chapter 1**

The Joker's attention shot the sky. "Wait… there's a bank waiting to be robbed?! C'mon, Jester!"

The Jester shuffled into the room, hands clasped in front of him and his head down. "Okee…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize how not PC this chapter is…<strong>_

**Chapter 2**

I shuddered in the dark of the bank as the Wonder Twins stopped the break in. Suddenly, something bolted out of the darkness and slammed into my back, sending me to the ground. I struggled. "Child abuse!"

Charade hefted me to my feet and squared off against the Boy Wonder. The man's fist slammed into the teen's face.

I frowned. "Child abuse!"

He looked back at me and said "What?" Robin took the opportunity to jump onto Charade's back. I ripped the other teen off and ran forwards, slamming him through a glass window to the sidewalk outside.

Suddenly, a gruff voice barked from inside. "Child abuse!"

I stood up in sync with Robin and put my fists up. Suddenly, a large elbow slammed into the back of my neck. My eyes rolled up into my head and I fell. "Child abuse…"

* * *

><p>As I stepped off of the bus and onto the deserty ground outside of Blackgate, a guard pushed me forwards.<p>

I grumbled and rubbed the back of my neck. "Child abuse…"

He frowned. "What?"

I grumbled a response moodily as I shuffled forwards.

* * *

><p>As I stood in line of the lunch room, waiting for food, someone leaned forwards from behind me. "Hey there, pretty boy. See you tonight."<p>

I frowned. "Child abuse."

I felt him smile. "You know it."

"What?"

* * *

><p>As the security guard beat Charade down in the same cafeteria on the same day, I made a look of shock. "Police brutality!"<p>

Charade tried to speak from beneath the blows. "N-o sh-it!"

I ran forwards and plunged the broken fork into the guard's throat. His friend made a look of shock. "Security abuse!"

I turned to him. "Double standards!"

As another guard leapt onto me and dragged me off, I struggled. "CHILD ABUSE!"

* * *

><p>I whimpered in the passenger's seat of the commandeered police van as the Scarecrow and I escaped the asylum. He nonchalantly stabbed a needle into my neck.<p>

I immediately lost consciousness.

Dr. Crane turned to the boy. "Child abuse."

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize how much shit can go down in a thousand words…<strong>_

**Chapter 3**

I woke from my drug induced coma and cried. Leaving the room, Crane stared at me from his desk. "You're not dead."

I nodded.

He nodded. "Indeed. You can now be my apprentice."

I frowned. "I-"

He shushed me. "No excuses."

* * *

><p>As his mentorship drew to a close, Batman crashed through the glass ceiling.<p>

Dr. Crane shot to his feet. "Batman!"

"Crane."

I stood up, my face turned up in horror.

Batman turned to me. "Jester."

I whimpered.

The Batman took no time to beat us into near oblivion.

I let out a weak whimper in the back of the Batmobile. Crane nodded weakly in agreement.

As Batman led me into the Asylum, a guard came up. He held a hand up. "Jester, someone's here to see you."

A family came forwards. The woman kneeled down. "We're your family."

I frowned. "No."

I turned away and bumped into Robin's chest. He scowled. "Just because of that, we're rivals now."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Wha-"

He slapped me and the Batman pounced on him and dragged him away while a guard dragged me away.

* * *

><p>Lilith, the vampire chick, looked at me. "Wanna be friends?"<p>

I shrugged. "Su-"

She nodded. "Cool. Hey, we're breaking out."

I blinked as she opened the door and stepped out. Opening my own door, I stepped out into the hallway. Soon, everyone left their cells as a mass outbreak happened.

As we entered the courtyard, Lilith fell, clutching the left side of her chest. Her tongue flopped out of her mouth and her eyes turned into 'X's. A passing security guard slid to a stop and looked at her before falling backwards, clutching his own chest.

I fell back onto my butt. "So much shit's happening!"

Crane nodded from beside me. "You're tellin' me."

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize I'm not witty and am just really lazy…<strong>_

**Chapter 4**

The Jester shrugged. "High school's not fun. It's stupid. Besides, I have no material to work with. So… yep."

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize the Jester's plans rely on a lot of luck and coincidence…<strong>_

**Chapter 5**

The Jester sat in the chair with a confused look, the Justice League surrounding him. He frowned. "I don't… where am I?"

The Batman didn't blink. "He's lying. Do it again."

The teen groaned. "FUCK!"

OR

The man known as the Ace of Spades held the pile of food in his hands. Starfire turned the corner and stared at him.

She screamed and blasted him in the chest.

OR

As the Titans were out celebrating something and Ace was left in the tower, someone snuck in, talking to herself.

She looked like Starfire (dressed like her too) with a larger emphasis on _lots of black._

Ace froze and waved. "Hello there!"

She dropped into a defensive stance. "Who are you?"

He shrugged. "No one."

She stared at him for a nanosecond. "Better safe than sorry."

Without a second thought, she blasted him.

OR

Ace stared down at the fight breaking out beneath him between the HIVE and the Titans. He sighed and jumped off the tall building, screaming as he went.

They watched him as he fell and slammed into the earth.

He lay there, definitely dead.

OR…

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that I relied far too heavily on curse words for comedy (also, Mod was overly stereotypically English)…<strong>_

**Chapter 6**

As the Titans (and Ace) sat in Mad Mod's chairs, Ace slowly built to a boiling point. He then opened his mouth and a horrid 'censored' beep emitted from it.

The rest of the room's occupants immediately held their hands up to their ears in pain.

Mod stared in horror at the black robed teen. "What the hell's wrong with him?!"

Beast Boy winced in pain. "He's trying to swear… _on a PG-13 TV show_!"

The Englishman fell to his knees. "Make it stop, _make it stop!_"

Robin growled. "He's violating the strict code of the original TV show's format, which, though pretty dark, is strictly for the ears of children and adolescents but in a way older individuals can enjoy!"

Cyborg let out a cry. "WHYYYYY_YYYYY_?!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that I severely understated Cyborg's security and technology…<strong>_

**Chapter 7**

Ace rose out of his bed with a smile and threw the curtains open, letting sunlight shine inside of his room.

Then his door was kicked in.

Cyborg barged in, holding his blaster hand at the ready. "Ha! Thought you could fool me! P-_dewsch!_"

He let out the terrifying war cry as he blasted Ace square in the chest, sending him flying out the window.

"Booyah!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that my ego is ginormous and Ace was better at everything than everyone else…<strong>_

**Chapter 8**

As Robin sat in his creepy 'office', puzzling away at figuring out the strange rock man who attacked them, Ace strolled in.

The anti-hero flipped his long black hair that shimmered with every color in the rainbow over his shoulder and leaned over Robin's chair. "He's Slade's minion and is currently robbing a store on East street."

As the strangely attractive and loveable man sauntered off, Robin stared at him. "What the fuck?"

* * *

><p>Raven sat on the couch, being moody and ignoring everyone else. Ace sat down next to her and blew a lock of his long white hair that radiated greatness out of his face, moping hard.<p>

Raven quivered in weakness next to him before finally sighing. "Yes, oh great moody-god, you are the moodiest of all!"

Ace nodded.

* * *

><p>Robin sat next to Starfire and was currently going over the difference between magazines and <em>magasin <em>(which is French!)

Suddenly, Ace shoved the leader effortlessly out of the way and stole his spot. Starfire giggled as the anti-hero took over the lecture. Robin bowed his head in sight of true greatness, decided that Ace was cooler and better for the alien than him, and walked off.

* * *

><p>The Jester stood silently, nodding slightly. "We're… we're saying that Ace was a Mary-sue. That's… that's the joke. Cuz… in the chapter… he's the smartest one there…"<p>

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that rock stars never die- they just become immortal…<strong>_

**Chapter 8**

I'm gonna take this one (since the chapter's name is Lemmy) to write a small memoir on mister Ian 'Lemmy' Kilmister. If you didn't know, he passed away a handful of days ago. It sucked, everyone was sad, pretty much every metal fan (and band) was sad, it sucked. He had a short battle with cancer. Also, quick side note, 2015 fucking sucked for me in particular. Alongside the batshit-ness that went down in the world, I had a horribly shitty year that was finally capped off nicely (terribly) by Lemmy's passing. Anyways, I'm unfortunate enough to have never been able to see him in concert. It'll probably be one of the things I'll regret the most in my lifetime. Anyways, he was a true rock god that inspired nearly every famous rock band now (including the Big Four [i.e. Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax and Megadeth]) and he'll be severely missed. But he's in whatever afterlife you believe in, rocking out with the other rock legends we've lost over the years. That's all I've got. But remember; who would win in a fight between Lemmy and God? Trick question! Lemmy is God!

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize I'm better as a freestyle artist then if I'm following a script…<strong>_

**Chapter 9 **

Robyn stod en the tour wit thee ofther Titeens, sturing ought ate tha citee. "Tem. We ned to sauve tha deigh!"

Aice rased hs hend. "Whut iif wii had a day off?"

Robin nodded. "I can dig."

Beast Boy slapped Cyborg's hand. "Indeed, esteemed comrades! We shall spend the day with much relaxation and stimulation, releasing our endorphin to flood our systems, giving us such euphoria that no work day could think to equal!"

The Jester walked out. "The scene ends here, because it continues to become better and better before eventually becoming perfect, and it became one with the universe."

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that the Jester is a thousand times cooler than the Ace of Spades…<strong>_

**Chapter 10**

The entire room seemed to let out a shocked gasp.

The face painted teen stood impassively across from Robin, the Titans at the Boy Wonder's back. The gathered heroes stared in horror at the traitorous villain casually adjusting his purple coat. Music began to play as his arms dropped and he looked to the ceiling. And began singing.

"_J is for Justification, of everything I've done. E is for Enslavement, with all under my thumb. S is for Stupid, the feeling you must have now. T is for terror, for which there will be no bounds. E is for Execution, the finale to my rise. And R is for Revolution- which __**will**__ be televised._"

The Jester chuckled as his gaze dropped to the heroes. "My name is the Jester. And I'd like to say,

Hey."

At that mark, armed men came cascading into the room from what seemed like every entrance available.

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that, despite all prior examples, the Jester really ended up becoming an evil character…<strong>_

**Chapter 11**

The Jester hummed as he lay in his tub, filled with the tears of babies and puppies. Reaching over, he grabbed a towel that read 'made in terrible labor conditions'. He wiped his face with it and took a deep breath. Letting out a sigh, he dropped it to the ground. "Ah, smells like misery."

Stepping out of the bathtub and dressing, he walked over to his mirror. In it, an angry man with a black goatee was beating against it. The Jester laughed jovially and walked into the other room, making sure to step on the hand of a servant in his way.

As he entered one of the hallways of the deserted asylum, a terrified looking man in a too small butler outfit held a platter out for him with an array of wicked knives. "Your killing blades, sir."

The Jester nodded. "Thank you, Walter." Taking one, he immediately slashed the man's throat, sending him crumpling to the ground (and also rendering the use of his bath worthless. The scoundrel).

Heading towards a set of stairs, he reached over and locked a door leading to the outside where a man was dressed in rags out in the freezing snow, cleaning the windows. The man saw the act and started beating against the door in terror. The Jester merely began humming to the beat.

As he finally finished his tour of the asylum and entered the small viewing area that peered over the river towards Gotham. Taking a seat, another servant came shakily towards him, a platter with a solitary wine glass willed with red wine in his hand.

The Jester nodded as he took it. "Thank you, Walter."

He immediately struck his foot out and pushed the servant towards the balcony and the man fell over with a scream.

Tasting the wine, the Jester let out a satisfied sigh as a nuclear bomb fell onto Gotham, obliterating it and everyone in it.

The young psychopath looked at his watch. "Oh, dear, it's time for tea!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize what the soundtrack to your grand return is…<strong>_

**Chapter 12**

As the Jester stood on the dolly and was rolled into the asylum, grand music began playing in his head.

He let out a content sigh as everything seemed to come together, despite it all.

_All of the Lights!_

The Jester's eyes shot open and he began struggling in his spot, screaming as froth spilled from his mouth.

He let out a last mournful wail before his brain shut down to stop the torture.

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize, I'm a rather creatively strange dude…<strong>_

**Chapter 13**

The Jester shot awake and sat up, instantly aware that he was a chick.

Taking a moment to lean over his bedside and vomit from the absurdity of it, he took in his surroundings. Looking at the tidy room, he then took a moment to vomit despite the absurdity of the action. Getting to his feet, on the other side of the bed, he walked to a random door and opened it. Bathroom.

Looking at a mirror, he shuddered at the absurdity of his rather beautiful and perfect appearance. He then took some precious time out of his day to mess with his boobs.

Leaving the room, his fist struck out at a woman and he proceeded to have an absurd fighting scene with three people before leaving. Reaching into his pocket and grabbing out a phone that he had not taken, he read the text 'Where r u' and shuddered and absurdly deciding to murder the sender.

Following the address that I had not stated was given, he entered a warehouse that smelled like a bad date. In the middle of a room was Robin who had a rose in his mouth and was lying on a bed naked.

The Jester shrugged, despite the absurdity of the entire chapter.

Ace walked in. "So, this where the scene ends cause there's a sex scene and Infernokota don't write no lemons," He looked up the page at chapter 10. "Hey, wait a-"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize-<strong>_

Ace shattered through the introduction, face filled with rage. "YOU MOTHER$&#*%R! HE IS NOT COOLER THAN ME! HE'S A F #%$^ B&^#H! I'LL KILL YOU FOR SAYING THAT! EAT S&*T AND DIE, A$&#(^E!"

He roared and lunged at the fourth wall.

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize the Jester was a poor choice for a father…<strong>_

**Chapter 15**

The Jester looked around. "Where the fuck did the brat go?" He was silent for a moment before turning back to his drawing board.

* * *

><p>Sitting at a table, he slowly moved his hand back in forth with a fork in it, plunging the utensil into a cut up pancake and moving it towards the child's mouth. Having been reading the paper with a smirk at the time, the headline being about his recent escape, he failed to notice the child's head drooping backwards behind the chair, its mouth open and filled with pancakes and its belly swollen with the amount of food it had consumed.<p>

* * *

><p>The Jester seethed in anger and began grabbing things and throwing them at the wall with a roar each time.<p>

Eventually his hand grabbed something small and pudgy and as he threw it, it let loose a fading wail as it flew through the sky. The Jester stared at the baby for a moment before turning and punching a window.

"FUCK THAT HURT!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize that DNA and splicing don't work how I think they do…<strong>_

**Chapter 16**

The Jester stood in his spot uncomfortably. He'd injected dog DNA into one of his test subjects and now he was pissing everywhere and humping everything. Another one of his subjects had been injected with cat DNA and was currently clawing a poor man's leg to literal shreds. He was screaming there was blood everywhere, it was horrible.

Then there was Antonio. The Jester thought about for a moment while staring at him. The young psychopath tilted his head. How exactly _had_ he put _fire_ DNA in the man?

Actually, what the fuck?

How?

Just… _what?_

It's fucking fire. It doesn't have DNA. It doesn't even have a physical form to take from.

It's fire. It just does shit.

The Jester shook his head, troubled. This was going to bother him all night.

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize I'm a heavy metal fan…<strong>_

**Chapter 18**

The Jester shot to his feet. "I'll show you a monster!" Suddenly, guitar and drums burst into being from the air. Angeline Reas looked around confused as the Jester slowly bared down at her. Then he started _singing_.

"_Take you down now, burn you all out, throw you all around_," As the guards came to grab him, he shoved them off (somehow) and continue singing, the invisible band still playing in the background.

"_Get your fucking hands off me!_"

The doctor sobbed as she leaned back in her chair. "Why is he _singing_?!"

The guards struggled to pull the man back. "We don't know!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize I skipped chapter 17…<strong>_

**Chapter 19**

TRAILR SHEET!

* * *

><p><em><strong>When you realize the Jester has many a mood swing OR when you realize I still didn't do chapter 17...<strong>_

**Chapter 20**

The Jester growled. "I'll fucking rip your fucking eyes out, you fucking pig…"

The man trembled in terror.

A child cried in the background. The Jester perked up. "Ooh! I'll be right back!" The psychopath skipped off into another room as the bound man stared after him.

The Jester stalked back in after a moment, shoulders hunched and a scowl on his face. "Now, where was I? Oh, yes… Where should I begin? The eyes? The fingers? The toes? The toe_nails_? Or maybe the ba-" He was cut off by another child's cry in the background.

The Jester straightened up, face falling into one of comical proportions. He slapped his forehead. "Oh! Silly me. I haven't fed her tonight!"

He sauntered off joyfully.

The bound man tilted his head, eyebrows furrowed.

The Jester threw a knife that slammed into the wall next to the man's head. "Did I fucking give you permission to move?" He reached onto a table and grabbed a small saw. "Screw it. I'll just fucking murder you." He turned the weapon on and slowly moved it towards the man's chest, whom whimpered in response.

"Daddy?"

The Jester immediately turned the saw off and peered over his shoulder. "Yes, sweetie?"

"Could you tell me a bedtime story?'

"Of course." The Jester sighed contently. "Kids, amiright?"

As the psychopath walked off, the bound man whined in protest.

The Jester whipped his head around and glared wide eyed at the man. "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And, that does it for me! Happy New Years everyone and I'll see you all next time. Also, guess if you can figure out all of the movie references in the Prologue part! No Google!**

**-Much Love and Respect from Infernokota! **_**YEAH!**_


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